- Member Since 7th Jan, 2018
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Equestrian Intelligence
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Equestrian Intelligence
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It certainly isn't in the job description, at least for an ODST.
Great work so far!
10105819
Thank you, and thanks for adding ot to favorites!
10105823
Not a problem. I look forward to more chapters!
10105830
What's your favorite part?
10105836
The first chapter so far.
Not bad. A touch exposition-heavy, but not bad.
An interesting start. Your perspective skips around a lot without warning, might want to work on that.
10106102
I agree with that, we're only in the Arrival arc atm, the next chapter is going to focus on Ray and Webby
10106322
Glad I could help you make the people understand about what is this "chapter".
I’ll watch with great interest.
10107537
Whats your favorite part so far?
10107668
Haven't read it yet, but I can tell its good
10107775
I mean, it's probably the only story in which Blueblood gets decked by a Drop Pod Hatch
Murder blueblood hes a dick.
And sunbutt is already on taking down humans, well I had hopes for this, besides that this Was a good chapter love Halo but goddamn why must sunbutt always attack and/or be hostile to humans for no damn reason. but I'm gonna Track this, not as bad other Halo crossovers
10116016
Pretty sure Celestia "attacked" Byrne to save face with the nobles as if she didn't do anything she would've been letting a noble be threatened with a knife while she, the princess of Equestria, did nothing. Blueblood also would have made quite a whining fit and say something about celestia not saving him / Betraying him if she didn't intervene in a way that Blueblood thought was "appropiate" for threatening him and his inflated ego.
Near the end of the chapter things get really screwy, Celestia's reasons for force-fielding Byrne aren't clearly defined even though they are quite important to the context, Celestia's wink, earlier mental comment about being there for the nobles, the dropping of the force-field, the redirection of fury, and Byrne's decision to play along were either improperly displayed in a way to have people discover Celestia's reasons or were quickly & sloppily gone through, causing the events & their meanings to be misinterpited by some.
Although this tells us Celestia has to "perform" in a way for the nobles, I feel it has little attention brought to it and is never revisited when it would help explain Celestia's actions
This whole section at the end felt really rushed in my opinion and had quite a few inconsistencies/errors :
This here doesn't really feel like it belongs with the way it is currently, maybe alter it so he says the first part, Blueblood interjects to suggest a horribly outlandish punishment, and Byrne then insults Blueblood and exclaims how Celestia couldn't see Blueblood make the first strike. Possible revised version :
This paragraph is wrong or missing things on so many levels, first of all it doesn't even say that the force-field was stopped, even though it says Celestia changed the target of her fury & it talks about Byrne hitting the floor and asking for it never to happen again just one line down, and it doesn't even show that her fury was changed properly or at all, it said it happened, yet doesn't say how, or what that means, or even regards it as a thing that happens, just seconds later she's welcoming Byrne as if directing he fury to Blueblood doesn't require words, eye-contact, magic, or physical movements. my suggestion for a potential redo is as follows :
Followed up by this instead of the next paragraph (won't be trying to revision next paragraph, but I will say it should be heavily altered even if you don't take my revisions, as it would screw up what I think your trying to put as Celestia's personality, as unless your trying to make celestia out to be either cruel, doesn't know own strength, eye for an eye, justice demands retribution, or that Byrne needed to be slightly injured / be miffed at Celestia/ insult Celestia) :
The last paragraph in this possible revision will only be slightly changed :
10117782
blueballs attacked/hit him, why couldn't he threaten him? I mean he may not be a pony but he is human, and they know he is a soldier what did Celestia expect? Also she could have just told him off, talk not Slam the guy into a wall
10118208
Would the other nobles accept the fact that Celestia's nephew was threatened and all she did about it was tell him off? Would Blueblood accept it for that matter? Might be completely wrong thou, I'm not the author, but that whole segment at the end is really screwy, somehow the force-field is dropped but it never states it happened and a whole bunch of other stuff.
10118418
Yeah, you got a point, but I still don't like it, for one a 1000 years and she never does anything about the nobles? And she knows the human is a foreign soldier and she decides it's a good idea to use a force field and slam him into the wall? And legally all he did was self defense, yes he may have put a combat knife to blueball's throat.
And yeah I agree ending was really screwy
10162763
Yes it is, just a small bit of writer's block atm, working on chapter 2
Nice
Did you see an LXIX I missed?
10208309
I’m tired I need english. LXIX is like numbers to me
10208316
Yes. Roman Numbers
Nope
Fluttershy carer best carer :D
This question is just curiosity, did you base some of your chapter in any other fanfic?
Back with the story... Not bad, not bad at all. Good job, mate!
Pretty good, nice to see this is being updated still
Extra unneeded quotation mark at beginning of this paragraph.
Pretty good chapter and nice to see the mane six (more so rainbow) not to start a fight with the ODST'S, also
it would be sapient not sentient since ponies from MLP can think, talk, etc
10245080
10244637
Both of yours corrections have been made, thank you for pointinf them out.
10245184
You're welcome
I think your date is a few years off there. Is Johnson really 500 years old?
10275742
Its fixed, thank you
10275742
Do you doubt the legend could live that long?
As someone who likes the ODSTs, nice
Can Blueblood get shot?
Oh that cant be any more true on this world Boris
My only complaint is how they interact is not fitting of a trained military force, but past that it's good
10370738
Yeah, I can understand that, but almost 30 years into a war? I doubt there's going to be much military tradition left.
10371293
You are correct somewhat but more so I mean how quickly they have became friendly with the locals, no fighting force is going to be that friendly with potential hostiles even if no hostilities have been had just yet, oh and the saluting you added. You don't salute in a combat or potential combat area as it puts the officers in the line of fire
10371626
Again, I know that, and that will be addressed in the next chapter.
10371639
Yut, all that said it's a great story thus far
Update?
10372610
Soon
SPIRIT OF FIRE!
For those wondering why there are two comments by Arrodo that have been deleted, the first one was done by themselves, the second by me, both were the same comment. While I do acknowledge that it was genuine criticism, I feel it no longer becomes constructive when the person making it deletes their old comment and reposts it so it can be seen at the top. And as said in my response which I have since deleted, I am working on rewrites to fix flow issues and focus more on first contact between the Humans and the ponies. I hope all of you continue to enjoy this story as you have in the past.