Smart Cookie

No Author Left Unnoticed!2,570 stories ·248 members

The life of a young pink unicorn named Smart Cookie. In this story, she's going through many events as she's working on a homework her art teacher gave to her and her friends.

Cover art by @YT_SmartCookie on Twitter

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 2 )

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Devious Dazzle

Devious Dazzle #1 · Nov 24th, 2019 · 1 · ·

This looked interesting so I gave it a read.

Just up front you've over used 'Young pink unicorn.' Reading it over and over felt repetitive.

Some of the descriptions fell flat and the pace was a bit snappy.

The fact everything ended a bit too good for the main character, that was also kind of cheesy.

Those nit-picks aside.

This was very cute and SoL,

The protagonist was cute and somewhat interesting.

I also enjoyed the teacher as a character, though she sped through her scenes.

If I could give suggestions.

Work on mixing your descriptions up a bit, I too had trouble with this. Push yourself and before you know it, your descriptions will flourish as if your not even pushing anymore.

Try to catch if you're being repetitive. You know small catches, go a long way.

Give your protagonist a bit more of a hard time, people enjoy characters who aren't absolutely perfect. They make mistakes or stumble and learn from it, it's the faults of a character that people fall in love with.

Dare I say, this story might be better as a continuation? - Rather than a oneshot?

These are just a few thoughts.

But as I said, the story is not bad by any standards.

Just doesn't quite stick with you.

Any case I'm following, great work!

Star Side