Freelance writer. Stories on the blog section. Kofi: https://ko-fi.com/starside
Star Side, a young stallion studying in School of Friendship, constantly suffering from his mental health problems. Not to mention, the way he thinks about his writing style. Until an oryx meets him and gets along together.
Featuring Oryxified's OC and @PH4Z3R’s OC.
Cover art credit: @NycoAquino on Twitter.
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Well, what to say about this story? I found it by chance and, noticing it has Oryxified’s OC in it, I decided to dig in. More oryxes are always good
However, I’ll be honest with you, the story needs work. It is not bad by far—seen far worse on this site—but it could definitely be better. The way you use mainly just simple shorter sentences, along with some rough wording and oftentimes incorrectly used forms of verbs makes me think that either you are a pretty young, inexperienced author or English isn’t your native language. (I may be wrong, just a hunch based on the dozens upon dozens of stories I have edited.)
Grammatical hiccups aside, the main issue is that there is not really anything to hook the reader. You just state that something has happened and immediately move on to the next thing, oftentimes not really considering what it’s purpose is in the story. That doesn’t flow well, the pace is still the same, and the story’s atmosphere is almost non-existent.
However, the story still can be fixed with some tender loving care. What you need is just some practice and a more skilled author to help you along. I believe that if you keep trying, you’ll be a damn good writer one day
9856896
Well, yeah. I am still young and still an amateur author. Yes, I do feel the wordings are off and yeah, basically not that good.
However, I'm still trying. Thanks for reading this. And you may want to check my blog, I post stories that are under one thousand words.
9856896
Beside, this is an old story and I believe I've improved, even just a bit.
9856927
Well, trying’s what’s important! Anyway, let me know if you ever need anything.
I might check it out
9856932
Just a few months according to the description, but I believe you surely did improve 
Pardon an old mare her fun, but what usually goes through my hands are stories that have been around for a few centuries, so my perception of old is a little distorted.
Well, ‘old’