• Member Since 5th Jan, 2015
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

NaiadSagaIotaOar


do not throw souls

T

Twilight insists she's not the one destroying the world. Rarity knows she's lying, but she has a dress to finish.


Not an official part of Monochromatic's RariTwi Bomb, but inspired by it nonetheless.

Prereading and moral support provided by forbloodysummer and Tethered-Angel.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 22 )

I quite doubted I'd get anything done for the Bomb, but then I had two ideas come to me. One of them lead to this story. The other, had I followed it longer, would've likely lead to a story called "Rarity and Twilight Want to Do the Sex but Sonata Has Crabs," in which Rarity and Twilight's attempts at enjoying a romantic evening are cut short by Sonata trying to smuggle tasercrabs through the mirror portal.

Some other day, perhaps.

Well. I came up with the same name for a story completely different.














...off to the editor!

I'm...

Not quite sure what I just read.

I did like it though.

~Skeeter The Lurker

9881266
What is it with Rarity having to fight crabs, anyway? (Yes, I know who came up with it. That isn't an explanation.)

9881313
I forget it's A Thing until someone reminds me it's A Thing, so I'm probably not the person who can give a good answer to that.

Very nice. This had me fooled at first, it really seemed like it could have been Midnight until the perception warping became obvious. So he’s doing his thing in the human world huh? Well I suppose we’ll have to see how it goes, but they’ve certainly got a promising start. Like Rarity says, everything is impossible until you do it.

9881266
Heh... that other idea sounds like excellent nonsense.

moral support provided by forbloodysummer

From one person who puts Adagio on the highest of pedestals to another, I will always support your morals :heart:

9881304
I'll take it! :twilightsheepish:

Thanks for reading :twilightsmile:

9881361
Ooo, interesting thoughts! The idea of it being Midnight never crossed my mind, since I was sure from the beginning that Rarity was going to be a little loopy and not seeing things straight. So while some other ideas did cross my mind, Discord felt like the route that would demand the least awkward exposition.

Have to say I meant this as humanized Equestria, though, not the canon human world (Hence the AU and Human tags instead of Equestria girls), so apologies if that wasn't clear enough.

Well this was good and surreal as all fuck.

9881266 Some other day soon, I hope.

9882343
The surreality of it was one of the biggest draws for me. I thought of the bit where Rarity's 'correcting' Twilight except actually it's not that and that more than anything else was what made me want to write this. So I'm glad to see the surrealness of it being commented on :twilightsmile:

I don't feel like I can make any definite crabby promises--I feel like it'd have to be a wacky comedy kind of thing, and some days I just cannot get in the right state of mind for that kind of thing :derpyderp1: But I sort of like the idea, so... we'll see what happens.

9881413
:heart:
Adagio cannot be put on a high enough pedestal.

Very nice, I'm glad you were able to get it done! Even after talking bout it with you I was still left guessing as to which you actually went with right up until the end.

9882398

Adagio cannot be put on a high enough pedestal.

Aaaand now I want to give Dagi a fear of heights.

That was a nice creepy story, with a happy ending. You did a great job with Rarity twisting Twilight's attempts to reach out to her. So this is this universe's version of Discord's attack, huh?

9884415

So this is this universe's version of Discord's attack, huh?

:eeyup:

Thanks for reading and being creepified :twilightsmile:

9884358
I was thinking it'd be unsatisfying to give too definite an answer too early, so I'm taking that as a good sign :twilightsheepish: Thanks for talking it over with me as long as you did, though! It's amazing how long I can second-guess myself when I'm thinking of ideas by myself, so just narrowing it down to a couple possibilities was a big timesaver :twilightsmile:

Aaaand now I want to give Dagi a fear of heights.

Y-you monster, how could you do that :fluttercry:

Although I guess that does just mean she'd stay on the highest of pedestals forever, so... could be worse.

9884501
I like being mean to my favorite characters :rainbowlaugh:

Lovely stuff. So much heavier than Tom... emotionally, anyway. Thank you for it.

Wonderful atmospheric writing, and the dichotomy of Rarity's perspective on Twilight was very well done. The use of prose to portray the surrealism of the whole situation was also top-notch. I very much regret not having read this earlier during the bomb.

9988546

The use of prose to portray the surrealism of the whole situation was also top-notch.

Thanks for singling that topic out; silly prose faff like that is usually like half of why I write stuff, but so few people comment on it. So.

:heart:

Dude. This is so freaking killer. The twist, the buildup to the twist, it's all perfect. idk what the dislikes are about but this is a GREAT read. Short, but gripped me and as I connected the dots that Rarity's perception was marred, rather than the world itself, it was a GREAT feeling. Love this. Killer prose, too – and the line about Rarity not having time for the veil but not having heart for the ring? God that KILLED me. Poor thing. Pooor poor Rarity. :raritycry:

10074254
I've long since given up trying to guess where downvotes come from--it just seems like there's a plentitude of maybes down that route, with rarely enough information to narrow it down to any useful degree.

Anyway. Really glad you liked it! I haven't read this one since publishing it, but I was fairly fond of it at the time. So I really appreciate that you took the time to comment :twilightsmile:

10074340
I'd guess the downvotes come from readers frustrated at not knowing what happened. (They'd have had a better chance of figuring it out if your story had come out in season 2.)

The writing is beautiful, and that's what kept me reading. I think the narrative isn't quite a story, though. We don't know what events led up to Discord magicking Rarity (if that's what happened), so we can't see if she shared responsibility for it, or what issues in her relationship with Twilight Discord might have exploited, or what within her cooperated with or resisted the spell, or even whether she made a decision at the end, or was just tired, or had lost all agency.

I think that the most-common way of making a narrative into a story is giving the reader enough causal links, or the loose ends to tie together in causal links, to set forth a proposition or puzzle to the reader. This might be an explanation or interpretation of what happened in terms of the personalities involved, or a paradoxical conflict between beliefs or values, or a comparison of alternative approaches to the world. (Just some common examples taken from many possibilities.)

But we don't have those links here. We've got just one cause (Discord) and one effect (Rarity's madness), which the narrative undoes in a way that raises no further questions, leaving us without even two loose ends to tie together. The narrative unknotted itself without my help, leaving me nothing rough to grasp at, nothing to think about, and slipped away, leaving me standing there blinking stupidly before I realized it was over and there was nothing left to see. At least, that's my knee-jerk reaction at a quarter past 1 in the morning.

11067552
I don't remember this story very well at all, at least not in many specifics, but that sounds like a very reasonable take to me overall. I'm pretty sure I imagined some scene I thought would make for some fun and fancy writing, and didn't figure out what the heck was actually happening until later on (if ever), and I've been told I'm not always very good at making sure the reader gets the same big picture I have in my head. So between that and the short timeframe in which it was written, it's not hard for me to believe it didn't quite stick the landing.

11067622 Thanks for not being upset! In a lot of fandoms it's considered very rude to comment on a stranger's story, but we do it routinely on fimfiction.

I should have said that I was also carried along by wanting to know what had happened between Twilight and Rarity, and then by wanting to know if Rarity was delusional. That worked well for the first half of the story. I wish I could explain why the "reveal" ("chaos spirit") felt anticlimactic to me--maybe just because it literally happened after the climax, after the point where Rarity made her decision (if it was a decision) and the outcome was set. It was a reveal of something that by then didn't matter any more.

I loved the style, and it fit the content well.

I used to be terrible at making sure the reader got the same picture I had in my head, and the only thing that helped me improve that was writing fan-fiction, reading thousands of comments from readers who didn't understand things I'd thought were obvious, accepting the blame myself for each misunderstanding, and trying to figure out how I'd misled them and how I might have communicated more clearly. For an example of this process, see part 1 of the afterword to Trust from Worst of Bad Horse.

Sometimes it's possible to literally improve a story (make it better for all readers) by making something clearer. But the more competent a writer becomes at communicating clearly, the more often that writer must make trade-offs, as increasing the clarity of any one point will be necessary for some readers, but will irritate the ones for whom that point is already obvious. All I can aspire to (and will never fully attain) is the skill level where every writing decision is a trade-off, and I know what trade-off I'm making.

Login or register to comment