- Member Since 6th Jun, 2018
- offline last seen March 9th
dudenotactive
"Why, as a child, I thought sharks were my friends. [In ominous voice] I know better now." -Professor Membrane
dudenotactive
Joined 6th Jun, 2018 ·
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- Wolfgang Fyst · 58k words · 26 0 · 654 views
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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10/10 š
Oh, fun crossover. I've always felt MLP and Lovecraftian horror go together surprisingly well.
I enjoyed your characterisation of the group (Someone was too stingy to use the sanitarium, I see). Looking forward to seeing where this is going.
Lots of little grammar errors creeping in the text, like unseen shadows in the dark.
Interesting premise and I am curious how the heroes of the Estate react to a world of friendship and harmony. I'm going to assume you've got some plot involving the spreading corruption infecting the innocent lands of Equestria in the works.
Nitpicks: Aside from grammar errors, and obligatory "that's not canon" regarding Darkest Dungeon world-building, I'd have to say biggest flaw I see is you're 'telling' too much rather then 'showing'. You didn't need to tell us about Reynault's kleptomania you couldn't simply had it be a recurring element until a pony catches him and the party has to explain. Also bit too much exposition on each of the character's personalities. Better too be brief, simply tell us 'what' each of our heroes are and then reveal backstory and personality over the course of the story. You should never have to use an exposition dump for characterization (unless being a source of exposition is a trait of the character).
9864814
Hmm, I see your point, I'll try to show more if I can
9864173
Thanks, if I remember, kleptomania is always Reynauld's trait after you finish the tutorial. And you have to wait for awhile for the sanitarium to open
Good job. Almost scary as the original Darkest Dungeon. Iām waiting for the bosses. Keep going.
A lot of grammar mistakes and sentence structure issues but other than that this is very good! A proof reader would do some good for ya. Keep it up!
9865432
I'm gonna need gdocs mobile if I want a proof reader, but sadly my phone is so old that it hates my apps store, can't even play low bit games anymore.
But I'm gonna get a better phone soon by November, though its gonna be a hand down. But until then, I'll try to fix and make sure stuff is a-ok.
Also, the bottom part of my screen has so much white lines that I have to remember the placement of letters. Worse, a single line showed up on the top of my screen.
This isnt getting dropped hopefully?
10176602
No, I just don't have motivation to continue the story as well as the rest of my works. To tell you the truth, the second chapter has at least 800 words in. Hopefully I can finish it someday
Nice. I would say something about team comp but Since this is a fanfic it probably doesn't reflect your actual A team
10290975
If you're talking about what I like to run with when I still played, then it's Bounty Hunter, Musketeer, Vestal, and Crusader.(Reynauld got killed by the collector)
Was my luckiest team back then because most of my embarks they always come out with barely any problem.
10291345
I mean you do you. Personally my best team is a vestal, a graverober, a shieldbraker, and a hellion
10291379
š Cool
Oh, it updated. *reads chapter* Not bad.
nice
The cake is moist, the flesh is willing, but Time is of the essence and nobody cares.
Are there going to be more chapters than of this?
10996533
Yes, and with the sequel coming(sadly being epic exclusive) I will surely be inspired to write more
WooHoo! Update :)
Destiny will not be denied.