- Member Since 15th Nov, 2017
- offline last seen 9 minutes ago
Golden Fang Ryu Shenron
"I am life. I am death. I give everything. But I take all. I am a King. A Queen. An Assassin. An Army. I am the Savage Kingdom!"
Golden Fang Ryu Shenron
Joined 15th Nov, 2017 ·
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Before I read: you mentioned cum inflation in the description, but I was wondering if there will be any milk inflation?
9819778
?
You mean like Milky’s breasts getting swollen with milk? Or being squirted and sucked of it
9819936
As in the one sucking it out ending up with a round sloshing belly.
Of course that scenario requires Milky's breasts being swollen and full to begin with, but that's a separate discussion.
9819977
. Now that you’ve mentioned it, I might add that in though I really don’t picture Milky drinking from her own teats
.
That...hasn’t really crossed my mind
9819988
... I wasn't even thinking of Milky being the one doing the sucking.
9819991
. By the way you said it I mistakenly thought that’s what you meant
.
Oh, I’m sorry
Anyway, to correct my answer, yes, there will be milk inflation, and plenty of milk to be drank
.
Alright I like where this is going and I can't wait for more dude! I like what you did with DD so keep it up!
9820152
! I was hoping I could keep DD in his happy go lucky self, and it looks like I nailed it
! Did you like what I did with Cammy too
?
Thanks bro, glad your liking it
9820199
Yes I did.
9820217
!
Awesome...smooth, sensual, motherly and ready to see her DD conquer the mares they find
9820235
Eeyup.
Oh I enjoyed brother and I can't wait for more!
9822171
!!!
Good, because next time things are going to get hot and steamy
9822206
Can't wait.
9822239
!!!
Me neither
...excellent.
9822337
.
Indeed
9822369
... for some reason, the one I want to see get an enormous belly full of milk is Stormy.
9822680
?
Cause he’s the biggest out of the four
9823075
Partly.
Mostly because I can see Milky pulling a mothering act with his shyness.
9823897
!!!
Yeah, I can totally see Milky doing that with him, especially since Stormy has the word Silent in his name
9823902
Exactly!
9823906
.
As for the mothering act...well, you’ll be in for a surprise
9823909
How delightful.
9824033
.
Indeed
Image source?
9829961
.
Inkbunny
... more milk for Silent, please?
9830436
.
Of course, and there will be more mothering acts on him from Milky
Is this anthro? This story sounds like it's anthro.
9869535
. The anthro tag isn't even in there.
No, it's not
Either them or “the ponies.”
What’s Golden’s coat color? You never said.
Oh okay.
What? So he took it off his head then put it back on his head?
Is there a drawing of these characters? I’m starting to have a bad time picturing them.
9901420
.
Thank you for catching those mistakes, I’ll be sure to fix them
What does that look like?
All I can think of is just like a tutu on the tail. 
Wait how does stopping gets them to pump into Silent Storm and yet be able to look past him?
What’s a rose ray?
9901614
Golden doesn't have a tutu, the dreads on tail skirt is braided in a thick fashion like that of a fish tail
. He keeps it just off the ground due to how long it is, but it sometimes gives rocks and sways
.
Either add those periods or get rid of “are you.”
What do you mean by that?
Mare? They are gonna need a couple barrels of lube.
I really liked the story but I couldn’t get aroused by it. I’m just not into gang bangs.
9901792
.
Fixed
9901792
.
Managed to fix most of them, but I couldn't find these
9901985
It’s like at the beginning of the chapter. Do you not have “find on page?”
9901994
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Um, no I don't
9901994
.
Okay, it's fixed now
It feels like there's way too much dialogue for what's actually happening, and a lot of it is repetitive exposition about the same things over and over. It's breaking the show-don't-tell rule a lot too, with everyone just announcing stuff like "I'm the leader of some random group, I'm so awesome!" Nothing is shown as to why any of that even matters, and it comes off as stilted and dull monologuing. Like this:
You've already introduced Milky with her full name and 'infamous title', and she's needlessly repeating a bunch of stuff that's already been said earlier, plus everyone apparently knew who everyone else was by reputation already. That quote could be written as, "You want ME to fuck HIM?" and it would have conveyed the exact same meaning with twenty fewer words.
10127157
.
I'll try to narrow that down. Thank you for your feedback
Nice work, especially on making the character of the Fearsome Four shine through even with the fantastic amount of shameless debauchery I just can't get enough of. Milky's eager to please, but the in-depth doubt you gave to her.
All in all, I think this is a really good fic, and a fine addition to your multiverse - which, speaking for myself, I've gained a newfound want to see more of, if you've the right fics to recommend I start on.
Thank you for a fantastic FIMFic.
10357800
. I've done a lot of editing but I feel like I can do more, and if there's anything you spot that I can improve on on them, feel free to point them out for me
. Oh, and to save you the trouble of finding my other clopfics, here's one of the other ones:
Thank you! I have a few other clopfics on my page that you can take a look at if you'd like
[Adult story embed hidden]
As for the multiverse, this isn't the last time the Furious Four will be seen; Milky Way included. I am currently working on rewriting a couple of series and planning to reveal another one that will eventually have them introduced
. So you can expect to see them again sometime in the future
!
Your character designs are very unique. And I was sold on the big jiggly ass line, you're a man after my own heart.
10426629
. Though I do wanna point out that Silent Storm, Daydreamer, and Cammie (formerly named Cammy, which is now her nickname) were OCs gifts given to me by another fellow Fimfiction Member that I gave some changes to. Golden Fang though, as you can see in my avatar, is all mine
.
You’re too kind! I’m glad you enjoyed it
"Started A while Ago, I finished it today. A good read, plenty of what we Came for."[
Keep up the Epic Reads Boi's
Sincerely,
-Ya Boi Satan/color]
11230452
Sure thing! I plan to!