• Member Since 12th Feb, 2012
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SCP Pinkamena


Escaped SCP: Always running, never stopping

T

ONE SHOT STORY (also first RGRE story ever, so be gentle.)
(This is an odd take as the elements are there, just not that prominent.)
FEATURED AS OF 8/31/2019 THANKS SO MUCH GUYS!!!

My dearest Twilight,

A new dictator has come out from the shadows and taken hold of a nearby settlement, making it her little kingdom. She holds it with an iron hoof and ruins the lives of those poor ponies and other creatures living there. I am sending you and your friends there to stop this mare and bring an end to her tyranny and drag her kicking and screaming to Canterlot, where she can face justice.

Your Loving Teacher,
Princess Celestia

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 95 )

Will there be a sequel? In very interested.

9807645
Maybe, all depends on how well it does.

9807654
I love it, I am awaiting a sequel, should one pop up.

9807654
More please.

Really good idea, would love to see it expanded upon. Especially Anon's rise to power and more of the 'what, a stallion's in charge wut?' angle.

Great story. A few minor errors but nothing too severe. Also, you may want to add Annon to your tags and put this in the RGRE group folder. Other than that, absolutely marvelous.

See now you have me hungry for more

Not a bad start. I wonder why Celestia thinks this place is being run wrong. Even if Twilight was looking for a mare she should have seen what she saw was not wrong or told us why it was wrong. Still a good story and I hope you do expand on it one day!

l would LOVE a sequel to this

I'm genuinely confused.

For one shot story there's too much build-up and mystery, with no message behind it (literally, in case of the phrase relayed by protagonist).
This could be a kind of decent first chapter of many. But it is a one shot, so it's meaningless.

Also, RGRE is not utilized at all. Even Twilight's mistake could be attributed to a "mission briefing" letter not gender stereotyping.

9808364
Well aside from the 'core elements' being there, just not prominent, that's kind of the whole point. It's vague on purpose, meant to make the reader ask why, how, and what. That's also the reason I made it a one shot, because explaining the entire story I had would've been 8000 words or so, and I didn't have the time frame set in for that.

So, just for those who need the google translate magic but don't know what language to start from: it's Icelandic.

9808239
Celestia thinks there's a dictator in power because the duchess that was ejected went to her and spun a tale about how some kind of monster came in, threw her out, and is running roughshod over the poor ponies living there.

The first action a spoiled child who doesn't get their way always takes is to run to the nearest authority figure and lie. Always.

"Heimurinn er ekki þinn til að geyma, en ég mun vera sá sem erfir hann frá þér."

For those of you curious, google translate says this is Icelandic for "The world is not yours to keep, but I will be the one who inherits it from you"

9808453
So, no chance of expanding this in the future? I'm rather fond of these types of stories.

So the ponies have never heard of a male ruling anything..

Discord, Torch, the ghosts of Sombra and King Grover, "Are we a joke to you?"

:trollestia:

"Humans," I said evenly, "are destructive by nature. We take only what we want, give nothing back, and so the ashes of the past scattered our history to the winds, leaving behind only the End." I said turning back the window.

A hand sheathed in the pure power of 4chan burst out of the Anon's pathetic OP attempt at chest musculature, followed by the rest of Alondro, the God Troll. "You should have taken your own advice," he grinned mercilessly to the smoking ruin upon the floor, which was memed into oblivion femtoseconds later. "And now, let the orgy begin!"

The world was then crossed over with e621 and even Japan couldn't stomach what came next... :pinkiesick:

(This fits the general writing quality I encountered here... only with better grammar.)

9807817 You must have thought "The Spiderses" was a magnum opus.

9809083
Sadly enough, they are jokes.:trixieshiftright::trollestia:

9807654
I too wish to see a sequel or a second chapter in this story. I loved the concept and choice of narration albeit brief.

Will be trackin' in case you choose to add another chapter to this story in the far future.:moustache:

"Humans," I said evenly, "are destructive by nature. We take only what we want, give nothing back, and so the ashes of the past scattered our history to the winds, leaving behind only the End."

"I rule this land, with a gentle hand. I help those who need it, I tend to the crops with the farmers and provide assistance with the blacksmiths. I am kind, benevolent.

Mr Gibbs, Pirates of the Caribbean 2: "Um, that seems to be a bit contradictory, captain!"
If all we do is "take what we want and give nothing back" then why did you do anything beyond banditry with that little region?
-
Hm. This needs a bit of work. As it stands, it reads like a rough draft blended with an outline. I get that it's supposed to be a single chapter, but this feels more like you were writing a sum-up from a much larger story, and you were in a hurry on top of that. I enjoy some of the RGRE stories, and for the premise, I did enjoy it for the most part, but it just feels as we go along that there could (or was intended to) be so much more than what we've got here.

9809092
Firstly, thank you for bringing that story to my attention, and secondly, holy hell is it funny to read in Caboose's voice.

Looks like chapter one of fairly generic author-insert Mary Sue fic to me.

9809108 And then there's this:

:trollestia:

I'm sorry to ask this before reading, but what is RGRE?

9810251
Reverse Gender Role Equestria. Basically take Men's and Women's stereotypes, exaggerate them, and apply them to the opposite genders. Mares are in charge of everything and are confident. Stallions are stay at home gossips with no spines.

Edit: changed emphasize to exaggerate.

9810251
9810280
More like parodying gender role stereotypes by portraying exaggerated inversion of them.

9810280
9810726
Again, this is the first time I've done this, VERY FIRST one. I don't quite have the grasp on it, but I can try in other works... if I feel up to it.

9810736
Eh, well it can go either way. The fact that its inverting roles the way it does feel like a parody, but how serious it is and to what extend its taken can depend on the story.

Here the Mane 6 look pretty foolish, given they basically attacked someone for the crime of... being a good leader? *shrugs*

9810741
Aye, i noticed that all male leaders are suddenly declared dictators in the show, with some exceptions

Full story Plz

9811035
Aye this is a very good concept that I can see going far, I've yet to come across a story such as this but the ideas behind it are exhilarating. Especially considering this is the first story you've made of this kind. If you do decide to make a longer story with this concept I will be fully invested in it.

9811035
9811124
Well, let me get some rest first, Logi made it to the feature box, so i guess its a success...?

Not bad. Nice quick story and scene.

This was good i hope you write a sequel i would love to see Celestia's reaction to his words

9811156
I'd say that's a pretty good metric for success. Definitely seems that with the interest this is getting, a sequel would be much appreciated from you. I definitely liked it.

Did not expect to be reading Icelandic in a story on the featured box. Though I'm not sure what you meant by "Ég gef þér úlfunum." Oh and "Þu færðist of mikið i fang" should be "Þér færðist of mikið í fang" or actually since you probably meant that as the plural "you" it would be "Ykkur færðist of mikið í fang." Suppose it doesn't matter too much given that most people don't speak the language but I thought I'd at least point it out.

9811460
Unfortunately, I don't speak the language. I just took from the translations I knew about before hand. As for Ulfunum... it was a threat, I will give you (your corpse) to the wolves

9811467
I see. It just seemed rather oddly placed since he goes on right after that to say that he will try to inflict minimal damage. I was also a bit confused by the "þér" but I guessed you meant feeding them to the wolves.

9811473
Hm, never thought it would look silly to foreign readers, or readers who know other languages...

9811477
Well, it's understandable at least, which is more than I can say for the majority of the things Google Translate spits out. Most recurring problem is that Google Translate can't figure out what exactly it should translate 'you' into, since Icelandic has different forms for singular and plural as well as the declensions. But I somehow doubt a lot of people are going to notice the mistakes in any case :twilightsheepish:

it's all Greek to me;)

Interesting concept, this is, but not really much more.

I get that ponies were suffering under the 'rule' of that selfish, dumbass duchess, and that the human somehow overthrew her and somehow became King or Lord or whatever. I get that Princess Celestia learned of this change in leadership (makes sense, even if how or how quickly are not elaborated upon), and somehow decided this was a bad thing - despite the quality of life for townsponies improving markedly - and sent Twilight and her friends to check.

I get that Twilight and co. somehow figured this was worth fighting, instead of listening and trying to come to an amicable solution - after all, the human man did make life better for his equine subjects. I get that the human somehow defeated the non-alicorns quickly, leaving only Twilight, who too was defeated quickly. I get that being beaten forced the mares to retreat and take the human's final message - which is in Icelandic, apparently, which I doubt anypony would speak - to Princess Celestia.

What needs to be elaborated upon more in a rewrite or sequel is all the 'somehows' I italicised above, I feel. It's a fantastic short read, but it leaves way too many questions unanswered, leading to a quite disappointing ("Is that it?") read at the end.

I feel more could be done in this setting

I NOTICED...
everyone was saying there could be more, so by popular demand... I will do a sequel story

9808453
Wait hold on, so because you didn’t have time to add the actual story in, you just put a bunch of words without the story? Please explain this to me because if the object was to illicit a “Why, how, what” reaction then it was for the wrong reasons, as in I am genuinely confused as to what is going on or why I should care. This feels like I opened a book somewhere in the last quarter and read only the page I landed on.

9811627
sweet mr / mrs, you have captured my attention:raritystarry:

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