Ok, the idea of his age and power is amazing and I love the reason behind his inmortality but when he began crying it felt weird, and I don’t mean men don’t cry or some shit like that, I mean the exposition and was too rush, the context was fine but the delivery not so good, next time try to show more details and slow down the process of showing emotions. For example instead of “he started crying” say something like his eyes dull down, the spark behind does grey orbs banish and his expression show nothing but regret and sorrow. I’m not a writer so don’t expect much from me but I’m trying to show how more detailed can help you make a scene more real and meaningful.
10111162 A man whose mind has been fractured from watching loved ones die, either through violence or the passing of time for thousands of years, and can remember all of it. Yes he can it just showes he is still just a capable of feeling.
Don't stop the story
This was a epic and hype inducing chapter. I'm happy Pinkie,AJ and Fluttershy are doing so while.
Ok, the idea of his age and power is amazing and I love the reason behind his inmortality but when he began crying it felt weird, and I don’t mean men don’t cry or some shit like that, I mean the exposition and was too rush, the context was fine but the delivery not so good, next time try to show more details and slow down the process of showing emotions. For example instead of “he started crying” say something like his eyes dull down, the spark behind does grey orbs banish and his expression show nothing but regret and sorrow.
I’m not a writer so don’t expect much from me but I’m trying to show how more detailed can help you make a scene more real and meaningful.
10111162
A man whose mind has been fractured from watching loved ones die, either through violence or the passing of time for thousands of years, and can remember all of it. Yes he can it just showes he is still just a capable of feeling.