A bit of a harsh start but not bad. You relied too much on cliches. (Except the little girl and he actually knowing he is going, that part was good.) Even do, I like that you made him neutral instead of white knight-ish. The only issue is the way you presented it,
Oh I know what you're probably thinking who the hell is this shit head and why should I care? Well I’m John mercer, why I don’t know could be my gunmetal grey irises or my not good nor evil lifestyle, Meh I don’t care.
That kind of came out of the blue, it sounds unnatural to present yourself like this. However the fic looks fine.
10110399 The idea is he is grey in his actions when it comes to adults, but he is a bit of a softie when it comes to children. As for that part I thought it was an be an ok idea at the time.
Don't give up on me partner you will continue this story or Pike God I will go to hell and back to get you
9832201
I'll come with buddy!
9832201
Same her
This was a interesting start.
.....I'd have asked for the SUPREMACY....
10106873
Maybe, it might, I was thinking on what ships to bring in from both canon and the expanded universe.
A bit of a harsh start but not bad. You relied too much on cliches. (Except the little girl and he actually knowing he is going, that part was good.)
Even do, I like that you made him neutral instead of white knight-ish.
The only issue is the way you presented it,
That kind of came out of the blue, it sounds unnatural to present yourself like this. However the fic looks fine.
10110399
The idea is he is grey in his actions when it comes to adults, but he is a bit of a softie when it comes to children. As for that part I thought it was an be an ok idea at the time.