As words go, very few utterances get a businesspony's attention like 'free'. And making a profit on free? All Mr. Rich has to do is ask his cashiers to discreetly slip the same sample item into every customer's cart, one sample per day, and Barnyard Bargains will get paid for that. Because the marketing company wants feedback on the new products, and that means getting them to the public.
And the public has feedback. Lots of feedback, especially when everypony is getting the same sample, every single day, whether they wanted it or not.
The public also knows where Mr. Rich's office door is.
Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.
Chapters (1)
"Okay. So bigger diet bars. Because what's the point of eating low-calorie food if you can't have a lot of it? Bye!"
Ok, you have Pinkie pegged *perfectly* here.
Teeth blackening used to be a thing in the Heian period, and it was actually much worse than it sounds.
This is probably one of the happiest Estee stories I've seen in a while, though.
We'll call it a learning experience, yes?
Well, from time to time you’ve mentioned The Noodle Incident. At last, we learn what that was!
Another new story you spoil me! I live for your writing
And so that's the legendary "Noodle Incident."
It's even funnier than I imagined!
Thank you for continuing to give us awesome stories in this awesome universe! <3
You are loved.
Twilight’s freakout over the chapbook was perfection. I have no doubt at the offence caused by cutting off mid sentence.
If The Readers Digest exists in Equestria, they must get angry letters regularly about their serialisations and condensed works. Their mailroom is probably no longer traumatised by angry rants arriving by green dragon flame...
The intelligence of that creature known as a crowd is the IQ of its stupidest participant, divided by the number of people in it.
Every time I see a Barnyard Bargains story from you pop up on the new section, I know I'm going to get a smile.
Today's smile was very wide, indeed.
Tell me, where did you work retail? Only someone who's been through the retail wars could describe those horrors so well.
9752274
Y = -(X+5)2-2e3
Your intelligence will always be less than 0 and will plummet exponentially.
9752250
That was one of my favorite parts. Estee, I adore your characterizations. Pinkie is perfectly on note, and that freakout is perfectly Twilight.
....
I bet Dash could have told her what the curses were. Gilda -has- to have taught her to swear in Griffonant.
"I put up notices saying If your tail hits the ground, so will you and nopony seems to recognize what that means."
...Hm. I'm not sure either...
"and all of them was performing occasional"
"and all of them were performing occasional"?
"complaints for the Day Five"
"complaints as for the Day Five"?
Nice, as usual. :)
9752204
Experience is a teacher
But here’s what makes me burn
It’s always teaching me
What I do not care to learn
Well I guess Mr Cake is lucky he married Mrs Cake then, is Pinkie an attempt to increase Sugar Cube Corner's average trustability?
I get the feeling he's right for all the wrong reasons.
I guess there is such a thing as being too open to new ideas.
I feel vaguely attacked.
... Oh. Oh. Yes, you want to leave the reader wanting more, but stopping midsentence is playing dirty.
Well, the incident with Ruby certainly could've gone worse...
Also, now I'm imagining an entire herd of salivating ponies trailing after a human lawnmower, and it's fantastic.
Naturally.
A stallion ahead of his time.
Yeah, this wasn't ever going to end well, but this was one of the better not-wells one could hope for. Poor Mr. Rich. Thank you for another bit of experimental capitalism.
9752390
Given that it’s Berry Punch I’d assumed that meant “if you get drunk enough that you can’t keep your tail off the ground, no more drinks for you, even if I have to kick you out.”
9752285
IQ of less than 15 is literally braindead (ie. not even sentient, much less sapient). I'm pretty sure the negatives mean "too stupid to breathe" which is seriously hyperbolic.
9752220
I love the fact that the Noodle Incident was an actual Noodle Incident
9752514
I love it when Noodle Incidents are actual Noodle Incidents.
(I've seen other people do it.)
----
Mr. Rich X Twilight Ship, increasing!
Pinkie Pie, Candy Reviewer~! Awesome!
Will Slick Deal try again? Sequel? *shrugs*
I guess Business Ponies like Berry have a better feel of what's going on, and are less angry about things.
And wow, this is cool, seeing all the references to news, and stuff, and filtered through this universe and stuff!
----
Typo:
insure > ensure
Pre-reading prediction: its an elaborate prank on Mr. Rich.
EDIT:turns out he was pranking himself.
9752358
Triptych Rainbow knows a decent amount of Griffonant, including all the profanity. This isn't a Continuum story, but I'm assuming it holds here anyway.
9752550
Estee's Filthy Rich has a thing for a certain wall-eyed mailmare. His interactions with Twilight tend toward the paternal.
Barnyard Bargain stories are some of my favorite! 7 products, 7 loads of problems. Little Ruby going around making and popping bubbles was adorable. Would love to see a new Berry Punch or Ruby story in the future.
And we finally found our about the Noodles Incident!!
This one was a lot of fun... I especially loved Pinkie’s input!
Well, that certainly could have gone worse. At least the property damage was minimal this time. Which, for Ponyville, counts as a win.
9752550
i think i remember one that involved a town NAMED Noodle...
You fool! You've just show the world the ultimate form of the Ramen Noodle!
Hide! They will soon come for you!
~Skeeter The Lurker
Honestly, none of the reactions made me madder than the last one. The idea that every mare in town would decide that a SINGLE tiny piece of candy given out for free was a threat to their waistline when honestly they are embarrassing themselves more by this disgraceful public display means they are either 90% dishonest shysters just out for an excuse to get the employee discount again, or they are all just colossally stupid with skin thinner than dehydrated rice paper.
That aside, I thoroughly enjoy how you can take such mundane topics as commerce and jury duty and make them entertaining. And I quite enjoyed the Calvin & Hobbes reference.
9752506
Don't you mean seriously anaerobic?
Poor Ruby, managing the Equestrian equivalent of a Tide Pod Challenge.
It just goes to show that anything worth having is worth working for, paying for, or making yourself...
...and anything given for free, in any context other than for the sake of giving, is suspect.
9752495
Hm, seems plausible, though presumably just while standing. Thanks!
This was hilarious. Loved the Noodles and the Laundry balls.
9752186 Pinkie and about 2/3s of all people who buy diet food.
9752250 I buy audiobooks for my long-distance driving. You can imagine how torqued I get when I notice that the book I've bought is an abridged edition. Even more so when I find out there IS NO unabridged audiobook of that title...
9752868
maybe the candy is so good once they try it they wouldn't want to stop eating it. Or perhaps it's because it started with diet bars and ended with candy. They don't know the exact situation with the experiment, so they could think the candy on this day was a response to the earlier diet bars
Ok, Fat jokes Estee? Really? Your better then that
Who else thought this was going to be something to do with the 7 deadly sins and each pony was going to receive something different according to their greatest sin and then comeback and complain about it.
The premise was a good one, but some of the items worked better than others. The punchline at the end was a little disappointing though. I enjoyed the Noodle Incident thoroughly.
9753599
Should be safe to assume most of the ponies, even by the end of this, still assume each one of these packages was personally selected and slipped to them as a personal comment by Filthy Rich. I suspect this is a secondary consequence of possessing a magical mark which constantly reassures you that you are special and unique and destined and that an entire part of the world exists entirely for you; you're even more inclined to superstition and reading personal significance into everything going on around you than humans are.
What exactly happend with the crusaders? I got something with teeth...
This could have been solved with a sign saying 'free sample of various products with every purchase. Not responsible for contents' and then moved on.
9756526
They got free samples of cosmetic toothpaste that made you look "more mature".
What it actually did was turn your teeth brown.
Instead of using it as directed, they used all of it at once, in hopes of looking "mature" enough to sneak into an adult movie. Hilarity ensued.
9752868
We've seen hints of the first in other Estee fics (the one where people keep nicking grocery carts, for example).
We see the second over and over again in the Estee-'verse. Partly it's a side effect of "herd instinct" (one pony acting stupid can make all of them virally act stupid). Partly it's part of the premise of Estee's 'verse in general (that ponies really are _exactly_ as neurotic as depicted in-show; consequences ensue).
This is also a comedy. Exaggeration comes standard with the genre. Estee just doesn't have to exaggerate much, given the other points above.
9757786
To be clear, I'm not mad at Estee for the portrayal. Just aggravated at the characters because it nicks a pet peeve of mine, i.e. super thin skin combined with taking advantage of another person's misfortune. Yes, I take things too seriously sometimes XD;
Hilarious and now I get the joke with the title especially
One of these days, Rich might come across an innovation that doesn't blow up in his face.
Right?
Right?
Another wonderful story. Thank you.
Dang Twilight's adorable when she's not in full-power mode.
I saw the set-up, but wasn't expecting that pay-off. It was so glorious.
9767410
WIth this author? Never.
9756949
Yes. Yes it could...which is what Rich would do if he actually thought about it...but he "Fell into his mark" for a second.
9753438
I know how you feel, but I got lucky...I heard of someone who got a Lord of the rings "Audio drama"...it was NOT GOOD.
BTW: I love your stuff.