Two ponies have tea at a cafe.
They talk about everything but the thing that matters.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 5th May, 2015
- offline last seen 5 hours ago
Jarvy Jared
A writer and musician trying to be decent at both things. Here, you'll find some of my attempts at storytelling!
Jarvy Jared
Joined 5th May, 2015 ·
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- Flashgen · 1.7k words · 27 3 · 485 views
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9681485
Thank you!
Very nice story. Even though they didn't say it, I know the issue they were dancing around.
You definitely nailed the sad part, the reveal at the end only makes it that much greater.
Do we know which pony he was looking for? The world may never know.
Very nice work.
9681763
Thank you!
9681606
I'm glad that you thought that part was handled well. As for the old stallion, maybe it doesn't matter fully who he might be looking for.
9681606
Glad you enjoyed it, and even more, that you understood it!
That part just hit me, because it was then that I realized that this takes far into the future. I always like those stories that take place far into the future because what happens then is up to interpretation, and while they were talking about things changing, the one thing that came to mind was death. And the part at the end where the stallion was approaching the graveyard just reinforced that point.
One more thing that I like to applaud you for is the style of writing. It's like a river slowly passing by. So peaceful. It's a style of writing that I rarely see in a lot of stories, and I really do love it as it is a style that is drastically different style than what I implement in my own writing, which tends to be very high octane or have a back-crawling vibe. Every scene, something has to be happening for me. But in this style of writing, something is happening, and that much is clear to the reader, but it happens at such a gradual and peaceful pace that you can't help but just sigh in content.
All in all, a true masterpiece for the ages.
9681749
What reveal at the end, the graveyard? That was mentioned in the first paragraph.
9681905
I'm glad you found that style enjoyable! I've was trying to focus a little less on forcing the story forward and more on letting the language and rhythm of the prose itself tell its own story. I tried something similar with my other story, "The Pilgrimage," as well as "The Milliner on March Street."
I admit, however, that I was very much inspired by how Hemingway wrote his short stories, and I tried, perhaps to variable success, to emulate that here.
9682303
Well, me accidentally ignoring it made it better.
Interesting way to say things without using words... Nicely done.
Although... it makes me feel... sad
9682743
I'm glad you found it impactful.
As usual, such a good job from you!
Few questions (hidden for spoilers):
1. Dumb question, but the issue being dodged is that Twi and Rarity have grown apart, right? Just want to make sure I'm not missing anything.
2. The old stallion walking toward the graveyard symbolizes that Twi and Rarity (and everyone) are inevitably approaching death, right?
10486932
To the first point: yes, they've drifted apart, but in my view they had actually also broken up and were in the process of trying to escape the awkwardness of having once been together romantically. But I think it works as either a platonic or romantic break up.
To the second point: as Hemingway once said, Symbolism is in all that you see beyond you. So... take that stallion as you will.