All Slenderpony wants is twenty dollars. Is that too much to ask?
Special thanks to Stefan once again for pre-reading this!
Chapters (1)
Hivemind
Joined 22nd Nov, 2011 ·
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- milesprower06 · 8.6k words · 66 5 · 1.5k views
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Once again, I find myself writing ridiculous one shots just because a friend on BNet posted some random image. Will it ever end?
what?
to read!
I wrote this in two hours time, so don't expect to find pure gold in this thing
Nice. It appears that someone has seen concrete elephants.
Really, this felt like more a "too much self-hype" writing fluke than anything else.
I just...I just don't know
Trollestia strikes again!
Personally, i find this not all that great. Funny, yes, but not all that great. TWENTY DOLLAHS are alll slendy needs, but there are no DOLLAHS in equestria! oh no, what is Fluttershy to do? idea was awesome, and could have been executed better, but it was done well in itself, so don't take that as a bad thing.
Surroundings were not described as much as i would have liked. Most of it was contained in the mind, showcasing fluttershy's mindset during this. The ending joke was hilarious though, and i'm guessing zecora was in in stealing all of fluttershy's RUPEES
.
Overall score:7.3/10 Not awesome, but definitely not bad for 2 hours work! I could never sit that long and type... i can barely get three-thousand words in 6 hours T-T.
Shoulda' been Three fiddy'
Woman, watchu doing giving him three fiddy'?
1216818
Not even a half hour in and already someone comes along to point out mistakes?
Jk
Yeah, I didn't expect much out of this anyway. I could have described the surroundings better, but in how many ways could one describe 'black', 'forest', and 'trees'? Seriously, I tried just about every trick in the book to keep from repeating those words over and over again.
Thanks for the comment!
1216838 MEDIC-I HAVE NO IDEA.gif. I wouldn't have any idea unless i was writing it myself...
No problem, fellow writer! Just doing my job.... and stuff.... i don't know, i'm just trying to avoid a paper i have due tomorrow. If you want, here is how i personally found out about slenderman. Based off a parody of a show about children's card games: http://www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=Xj6F_piB_HE
1216873 ALL BECAUSE OF THAT ICE CREAM (if you have read that fic)
Evil.
Trollestia is just evil.
...
And I am okay with that.
Ugh, this only increases my want to write a Slender Man/Mane story, but I still think that whatever I write would just be another in an endless march of bad Slender-inspired fics.
Anyway, good story. I'm almost tempted to hand out my very first 'stache.
...
Almost.
Hate to be a nitpicker, but it's No wifin' in da club., not "My wife is in the club."
Other than that, pretty nice story you got here.
The story is pretty good. However, I found one mistake that bothers me greatly.
At one point you wrote “Never again will she take her comfortable lifestyle for granite.”
Now, I’m assuming you meant “granted,” rather than “granite,” seeing as the latter is a type of rock.
So unless you wanted to imply that Fluttershy had taken her life for a rock, you should probably fix that.
I liked the story other than that, however.
wat.
It just told you
It want's Twenty Dollahs
1216611 This story is awesome but I have one thing to say is that there is deviantart.com/download/273498136/20_dollars____by_russias_crazy_fangir-d4iu0ig.png
1216838 Only as many times as you can repeat the words "Kind", "Gentle," and "Pegasus," with varying order. :p
But I have to agree, it was an interesting read. I find it hard to laugh at a story that isn't absurdly funny, so I guess this didnt meet my criteria there; but then I'm just a faceless nobody (literally, I don't even have an Avatar, I'm so pitiful), so my opinion of funny and not funny isn't that important. :p
All in all, I'd say it was still decent. 7.0 out of 10.0
At least it seems Fluttershy can run farther than the darn slender player character.
So that was a rather amusing story. But I have to say I now have the need to go play Slender. Fuck.
$20 dollar mode.
Change to "wind".
Also, your picture is broken.
Great story, though.