A Shocker
Shining Armors ears woke up before his body. He could hear the pitter pattering of the rain hitting the window. It had been raining since his wife and daughter went to go visit Twilight in Ponyville. They would be back later that day, which made him happy. He groggily sat up in his bed and stretched. His back popped, making him groan.
“I’m getting old.” He muttered to himself. He slowly got out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. There was no point of closing the door behind him since he was alone. He looked in the mirror and rubbed his chin. He had some dark blue peach fuzz growing. He levitated his blue razor and a can of shaving cream. Shining Armor was a creature of habit. Every morning he did the same thing. He got up, shaved, ate breakfast, showered, brushed his teeth, and went to work. It was the same almost every day. He put the razor down and looked at his freshly shaven face.
“Looking good.” Shining Armor said with a wink. He walked out the bathroom while humming the song that Twilight had sang for his wedding. He opened his bedroom door and stopped humming. On the floor right in front of the door, there was a small child. He was asleep, breathing softly. He looked like a changeling that wasn’t reformed yet. That was odd because all changelings (besides Chrysalis) had been reformed. He had blue hair with pale blue streaks in it. His hair reached down to his shoulders and his bangs almost covered his eyes. That was odd because changelings don’t have hair. His legs still had holes in them. He had a small green backpack on his back. Shining Armor out his hoof on the child and shook him softly.
“Hey little guy, wake up.” Shining Armor whispered. The changeling stretched his legs and let out a yawn before opening his eyes slowly. He had the same blue eyes as Shining Armor but with a small green tint in them. He hopped up and gave him a nervous look.
“Are you Shining Armor?” The small changeling asked. He nodded his head, confused on why a small child needed him. He twiddled with his hooves nervously and levitated letter from his bag up to Shining Armor. He looked at the letter in confusion.
Dear Shining Armor, this is your son. He’s a nuisance and I don’t want to be around him. He was supposed to be the future ruler but he unfortunately has your kindness. I have no use for him anymore.
Sincerely, Queen Chrysalis
Shining Armors heart raced and his eyes widened. He looked at his son that sat in front of him. He wouldn’t make eye contact and he looked very nervous.
“You’re my son?” Shining Armor asked. The young child nodded his head. They both stared at each other for a few minutes in silence. It was hard to process but it made sense. He did find it odd how eager his fiancé was before the wedding. Cadance always wanted save herself for marriage. What was Cadance going to think? She might divorce him for sleeping with another women. She would get full custody of Flurry Heart. The thought of that made his stomach churn.
“I’m sorry if I wasted your time, I can go.” His son stated, turning around.
“You don’t have to go, I’m just still in shock.” He explained. The small changeling turned around with his ears flattened and sadness in his eyes. Shining Armor crouched down to his height.
“What’s your name little guy?” He asked. The child sniffled.
“Grub.” He said shyly. His stomach growled loudly, making him flinch back in fear.
“Let’s get you something to eat.”
Shining Armor stared in awe as he watched his son scarf down pancakes. Grub saw him staring, making him put the fork down and blush.
“I’m sorry, mother said strong changelings don’t need to eat food.” Grub apologized. Shining Armor gave him a look of surprise and shook his head.
“You can eat as much as you want.” He reasurred. Grub picked up the fork and continued eating, but a lot slower this time. Shining Armor sat across from him.
”How do I know this isn’t really Chrysalis pretending to be a kid?” Shining Armor thought to himself. It seemed like it was a good time for an interrogation.
“How old are you?” He asked. Grub swallowed his food.
“I’m four.” Grub stated. Shining Armor thought for a moment. He got married to Cadance almost five years ago so it added up.
“How did you get in here without alerting any of the guards?” Shining Armor asked. There had to be at least ten guards in the hallway near the bedroom. None of them were in the hallways when they went to the kitchen. Grub pulled a small bottle out of his bag.
“I made a teleportation potion so that they could all teleport outside of the Crystal Empire. I didn’t want anyone to get hurt.” He explained. That seemed risky but safe. He had Shining Armors problem solving skills. If this were really Chrysalis, he would’ve destroyed them.
“How did you find me?” Shining Armor asked. Grub pulled out a map from his bag and three pictures.
“Mother told me to go to the Crystal Empire and gave me this map. She gave me these pictures to show me where to go.” Grub said while showing him the map and the pictures. There was a picture of the castle and one of Shining Armor. On the map the Crystal Empire was circled in red. The last picture was of Chrysalis scowling at Grub. It all checked out. He really was his son. He needed to get into his life and be a good dad.
“What do you like to do?” Shining Armor asked. Grub shrugged and poked at his pancakes.
“I’m not sure, I’m not usually aloud to have fun.” Grub stated. Shining Armor thought for a moment. If he was going to be living with him then he should be comfortable.
“Lets do something fun together then.”
Shining Armor and Grub stood in the Crystal Empires comic books shop. There were very few ponies in there because of the rain.
“Go pick out any comic you like.” Shining Armor said. Grub gave him an uneasy look and walked deeper into the store, looking around. He looked around at the comics. It made him grimace to see the violent ones. It made him sick to his stomach to just look at them. He walked over to the children’s sections. A certain comic cause his eye. Power Ponies: Issue One. He skimmed through the comic before breaking out into a wide grin. He loved it. He flew over to Shining Armor in excitement.
“You want a Power Ponies comic?” Shining Armor asked. Grub nodded his head excitedly. He chuckled and put the comic on the counter. The stallion behind the register rang it up and handed his back to Grub.
“That’ll be ten bits.” The cashier said. He pulled out a small pouch and put ten bits on the counter. The cashier smiled and placed the bits into the register. Grub smiled in excitement as they walked out the store.
“Thank you Mr. Armor, I’m never allowed to have my own things!” He exclaimed in excitement. Shining Armor smiled.
“You don’t need to be so formal, you can call me dad.” He stated. Grubs eyes widened and he started to tear up. He quickly hugged Shining Armor.
“Thank you so much dad!” He shouted happily. A few ponies that were walking down the street stopped and stared in confusion.
“Have you ever had ice cream?”
Grub marveled at the dozens of ice cream flavors in front of him. Shining Armor smiled at his excitement. He acted like Twilight when she was very young.
“You should try with something simple like vanilla.” Shining Armor adviced. He turned to one of the employees.
“One vanilla cone and one strawberry cone please.” Shining Armor said. The mare smiled and levitated two cones. She put two different scoops in the cones and handed it to them. Shining Armor slid four bits on the counter and took the cones. Grub levitated his cone and took a small lick. His eyes widened.
“This is the best thing I ever tasted!” He exclaimed, his wings fluttering a little. Shining Armor chuckled and took a lick of his ice cream as they walked out the door. The rain had stopped but it was still cloudy.
“What’s that?” Grub asked, pointing to the sky. A golden carriage pulled by two guard made it’s way to the castle. Shining Armors eyes widened.
“It’s Cadance and Flurry Heart.” He said in shock. How would his own wife react to the news. His ears flattened in worry.
“What’s the matter?” Grub asked. Shining Armor put on a fake smile.
“Nothing, lets go back to the castle.” He said. He didn’t want to rope a four year old into his problems. Grub continued to eat his ice cream happily. Shining Armor looked at his cone. His stomach knotted. He was too nervous to eat anything. He tossed his ice cream cone out in a near by garabe can. Hopefully Cadance would take this well.
Cadance’s ears perked up when she heard the door open behind her. She turned around to see her husband. He looked as if he were guilty of something.
“What did you do this time?” Cadance asked with an exasperated sigh. Shining Armor looked at her.
“So you know how Chrysalis disguised herself as you before our wedding?” Shining Armor asked. Cadance nodded her head, not really sure on where this was going.
“I might’ve done some things with her that I failed to mention. Like sleeping with her.” Shining Armor said, not meeting her gaze. She gave her husband a confused look.
“Why are you mentioning this now? It was almost five years ago.” Cadance asked. He took in a deep breath and moved his leg revealing Grub who was hiding behind him.
“This is my son, Grub. He showed up this morning because Chrysalis didn’t want him anymore. I understand if you’re angry.” Shining Armor explained. His eyes were shut tight, not wanting to see his wife’s reaction. He felt her hoof stroke the side of his face, making him open his eyes.
“How could I ever be mad at you? You didn’t know at the time and that’s perfectly fine.” Cadance said with a smile. Shining Armor let out a breath he didn’t know that he was holding. Cadance crouched down to Grubs height, making him take a few steps towards her.
“Since you’re married to dad, can I call you mom?” Grub asked meekly, hiding in his hair. Cadance smiled.
“Of course you can sweetheart.” She stated. Grub glanced at the baby carrier that was sitting on the bed. “Would you like to meet your little sister?” She asked. Grub let out a gasp.
“I have a sister?” He asked. Cadance chuckled and nodded her head. She levitated the carrier off of the bed. Grub stated in awe at Flurry Heart. Flurry stared at him for a moment before grabbing his horn. Grubs eyes widened and he started to tear up.
“I’ll protect her with my life.” He stated. Shining Armor chuckled.
This was going to be a great family.
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Mmm
Cute
Dawwwww.
Adorable. I love it!
Well there be more
Feels a little fast paced but very sweet.
I like this, it's about time someone did a story surrounding this idea. this is the first story I've ever seen about Chrysalis revealing that Shining Armor had a child with her.
Sequel of shenanigans between Grub and Flurry, plox
It’s a simple story, but it’s pretty good.
9670886 Oh, there have been others.
It's a Pony by Dr. Atlas.
And All That Implies by VashTheStampede
My Fluttering Heart by Titanium Dragon
This one does have a nice thread of happiness that runs all the way through it, though. Pleasant to read.
9671127
there are other ones as well, two or three old fics where the baby is sent/dropped off to Twilight's Library.
Aloud means "In a voice loud enough to be heard." according to The Cambridge English Dictionary.
Allowed, meaning permitted, is what you're looking for.
The story felt simple but it did its job well. That was very sweet at the end.
I'mma need more of this diabetes causer.
9671316
Also my 355 finished story!
Kinda too... well... dull? Simple? Barebones? It didn't have good story flow and things seemed contrived and predictable.
nice little what-if story, short and to the point but fluffy nevertheless. I like it!
I'm with the insulin crew, I need more of this diabetic fluff in my life.
Eh, not for me. Shining's thought process felt off to some degree and was damn quick to assume the freaking Princess of Love wouldn't be rational all things considered. Even without that this really didn't feel like it had much of a purpose, it just kinda started then ended. Oh, and it's "Allowed" (Given permission) not "Aloud" (audibly, loudly).
Neat story, entertaining read.
Feedback time: One thing I noticed that you use the words "child" - which is at least unusual for the setting, "foal" would be better - and "woman" - which really should be "mare" or "female".
My heart has stopped working
“Medic!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Well this would be a great story to continue, and I’m hoping you do,
9671713
I was actually thinking about making this a series
Forgive me for asking, but why pony need to shave, anyway? I mean, they are naturally covered in fur from head to tail, aren't they?
9671723
Rainbow Dash’s dad always has a five’o clock shadow so I assume that they shave
9671717
Oh, all the better, Cadance is the embodiment of love, so that is a given for her acceptance, but I could see Twilight make a mistake here, and there. Although Thorax could o e into play if needed, and his brother would be an interesting influence.
Those arnt tears their liquid pride
Awwww I can't wait for the mane six and the princesses see him. Little Prince Grub. And also King Thorax too. Will he get a Cutie mark? More please
I am not going to cry. I am not going to cry.
I'm crying. It's just too beautiful. And it's a plot point I can actually see happening in the show.
Hope to see a sequel sometime.
I now want to see where this story could go...it has interesting plot points it could hit...
Sweet.
Wholesome. Usually the stories involve things going horribly wrong but this was short, sweet and to the point. Loved it.
Building a whole story on this would definitely catch a lot of people’s eyes, but then again it’s best left to the imagination what happens later. Very well done and well deserving of the feature.
P.S.
Check at the last part of the story. Your “states” need to be changed to “stares”.
Poor kid. Rejected by his mother like that. But at least Chrysalis had the decency to send the kid to his father, instead of just keeping him and abusing him.
I wana sequel
I'm not crying I just have tears in my eyes
More Grub!
9671717
An interesting start if this becomes a series. I do like this
9671717
PLEASE WE NEED MORE GRUB! (In all seriousness you need to make this a series not just because I like Grub's personality but because.... I've never seen THIS take on Shining having a kid with Chrysalis. Most have a lot of tension and Cadence mad about the situation but you pointed out the obvious that this wasn't really Shining's fault and her and him raising Grub together is something I very much want to see)
9673474
I might make a mini series since so many people are asking. It would mainly be about Grub and his adventures
9673479
the d'awwwws have exceded maxiums safety thresholds, we cant hold out any longer captain were going into cuteness meltdown!
this isnt an original idea (theres a whole chose your own adventure comic on patreon with a similar theme) but its not in what idea you use, its in how you use it
my opinion of this one?
...i want to hug him...i want to hug him so bad! please let me hug him?
MOOAARR!
9673764
I’m gonna be writing a separate mini series soon
9672301
OH MY GOD THANK YOU! I was looking through the comments and, as usual, everyone has poor taste (awful stories with 100s of upvotes, anyone?), but at least one other person understands how writing works!!! It's so frustrating when mediocre stories get this level of attention (front page? really?) and great stories don't.
9672301
Everything that this guy said.
9673880
Much as I agree that this work has flaws, I think you calling it "mediocre" is going too far. You've missed the point of Scout Feather's original critique which was to point out the flaws of the execution, but note that it did have a good premise, which was likely the reason why it got upvoted.
To the author of this story:
As a writer of a changeling story/series that is fairly well-known, but said by critics (mostly valid especially given my early work) to be "very telly," "mediocre," "fails at storytelling" story myself, I think that A Visitor falls into a number of pitfalls for beginner writers publishing 1st draft works, (telly, pacing a bit fast, characters could be fleshed out a tad more) but otherwise has a lot of potential for improvement, or expansion as the premise is good, the fast pacing was at least consistent, and the characters had enough depth that there could be more written about them. You also went to the effort to get a good cover art, which is always important to grab attention with. Good luck to your future writing.
Lovely, but obviously overrated.
I might have given this a down if I were on some harsher wbsites.
Good one shot story, could be a great 20k word story, starting from the view point of the hive, the problems fitting in etc, travelling to Equestria, etc
Liked and followed.
Cute story.
A few things, however, should be considered:
1) There is no reason to talk about a character's morning routine unless something funny/unusual/relevant for the plot is going to happen. It's a classic beginner's mistake.
2)Dialogue is one of the most important parts of a story and could use a lot more work. Right now it feels somewhat dull, everypony sounds the same.
3)Grub is 4 years old but he can make a teleport potion and defeats a dozen Royal Guards with it. It could be a nice joke about how useless the guards are in the show, but it's not written like one. It reads like a ridiculous hand waving. Shining Armor's reaction is... zero. Why?
I think vren55 and Scout Feather said it best about an overall quality of the work.