Everypony has their own secrets but one little pony has a secret she didn't even know about.
Special thanks to Sierra_Seven_ for looking over it and editing any grammar mistakes.
Chapters (9)
Psicosis
Joined 19th Jul, 2012 ·
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- Psicosis · 2k words · 36 10 · 2.4k views
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Creepy. This better not be a Cupcakes rip-off.
1062399
I promise it's going nowhere near Cupcakes.
I'm not saying Cupcakes is a bad story I just don't like the way there is so many rip offs of it.
I hope you stick around for the ride.
1062399 I did the editing, and I promise it's nothing like Cupcakes
1062413 It's well-written, when you forget the gore. I actually nearly threw up when I read it, and the animated version on YouTube didn't help either. Is anypony going to get hurt?
Creepy. i kinda like creepy stuff.
1062432 Perhaps. Psicosis writes it, I just edit
Interesting. There are a few things I must point out, though.
First, the dialogue happens too fast. You need more commas, periods, ETC. to show pauses that should obviously be there. For example:
Should be changed to:
Not a problem Sugarcube! Now go get some rest, we'll see ya tommorow at the party.
(I changed a bit of the dialogue itself to fit Applejack's southern accent better.) Now, see how that reads much better than the original? How the dialogue is currently written reads (mostly) all in one breath, and that's very awkward.
Now, the other thing concerns the time of the party. In the beginning, Pinkie never said a certain time for the party to start, and yet, everypony came at a certain time! Strange, isn't it? And another thing. She said the party was in the morning, and that's believable. But, she woke up and started preparing at 5:30 in the morning? And then Dashie came to her house, also at 5:30 in the morning? That's not... right. I can't put it any other way
It seems like you're a little confused between AM and PM. If the party was in the morning, it would most likely be at 11:00am or 12:00am. That would only be logical, considering that Pinkie has work with the cakes, Twilight has studying, and Applejack has farm work. Most jobs start in the morning, anyway. And besides, Dashie is supposedly the most lazy of all of them. So she definitely wouldn't get up at 5:30am, even if it were to help Pinkie.
Now, it makes a little more sense for the party to be at 5:30pm and for it to end at 7:00pm, rather than am. It makes even more sense considering you made everypony sleepy after it ended. I wouldn't have them all leave at 1:00am if that is the case, however. I know parties can be a little crazy, but I don't think Pinkie would keep her friends that long.
It's a nice story so far, though, and I'll be looking out for more. I know sierra_seven_ is pre-reading for you, but I would suggest getting an editor or running it through a grammar checker before publishing. I liked it though, so keep going!
~kk
Love it.
Next chapter. When ?
1062582
I'm so glad you like it!
The next chapter will probably be up tomorrow morning or tomorrow night.
1062524
I never thought to state the times as AM or PM because lets face it if somebody told you be at their house by seven o'clock you would assume pm.
I figured people understood it. Plus Pinkie did state a certain time she stated be there by seven o'clock, that's why everyone showed up at a certain time. Seven o'clock to be precise. Everything started at PM. That should clear your confusion.
I do feel like you're looking too much into it. Which isn't a bad thing, it's good that people take these stories serious. I just feel like the times were kinda obvious. My bad if they weren't.
I like it needs more chapters soon
1063089
I'm writing the second chapter right now.
I promise to have it up by tomorrow morning or tomorrow night.
I'm so glad you liked it.
And thus, my journey into the depths of the tortured mind of Pinkamena Diane Pie begins.
I really hope you continue this, it looks amazing and it's a great break from all the mushy stuff I usually find in the site.
PD: I like mushy stuff, but sometimes a little dark, un-mushy or even sad story is awesome too if it's well written and doesn't rely solely on gore.
PDD: I remember that quote from somewhere but where? Do you know? Darn I even used it in an essay!
1063464
I plan to continue and not use gore to keep the story interesting.
If you wish to keep up give it a favorite or don't its your choice.
Pinkamena Diane Pie is my favorite character, this is the first fic I have done based on her.
I wanted to go into a different perspective of her. Something that probably hasn't been done before. (Maybe it has I don't know)
This story will explain her origin and what makes Pinkamena Diane Pie, well in my opinion anyway.
I'm glad you enjoyed it. Every person that enjoys it just makes me happier.
*sees first chapter*
me: "echoes........of the deep"
LOL just had to
1063513
I'm glad you did because you made me laugh.
Plus your profile picture just added to the humor.
1062948
Oh, I get it! I see how I got confused. My apologies
1063702
It's alright
I'm just glad to have cleared the confusion.
I hope you enjoy the rest of the story, that is if you're keeping up with it.
1063723
Of course! It's interesting so far, and I'm intrigued to see where it'll go
1063740
I'm happy your sticking with it.
this story is great. can't wait for more of this story.
1063769
Next chapter should be up in the morning.
Don't forget to favorite it so you can get a notification for when its up.
I'm glad you're enjoying it so far.
Oh No! Pinkamina is on the lose!
I really want to see what happens next, and I noticed a few grammer mistakes. Sometimes there were no commas where there should be, a couple spelling mistakes, and you should also seperate the scenes more. They look like a bunchof paragraphs in one scne, but it's written in different places and time. Just giving my honest opinion, but great story so far!
Really well done, and like firefan said you should separate the scenes more. Other than that it was great.
1067082
Yeah I should really start doing that.
Cool chapter!
I really, really, can't wait to see what happens next!
1065062
abekoby.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/got_a_bad_feeling.jpeg
1067914
That made me laugh.
It might go bad or good, you never know...
Have five moustaches for motivation.
1070576
Thank you, I could actually do with the motivation right now.
oooh snap
your sanity right now: ...
man i am just full of references today....and yesterday
1071048
I'm really liking them
Keep them up please.
Have 4 hearts out of 5 :
......
OH SNAP!
Oooooh !
...
I don't get the end.
1086064
What exactly do you not get?
Maybe I can help?
1086071
Yay !
1. How come she suddently change ? I mean, she said SHUT UP, and then, suddently, POP! Pinkamena's in tha house !
2. The last line. Rarity, I don't think we ever met. wut.
1086129
I can't answer the first question. (Will be explained in next chapter)
Number two: Rarity has only met Pinkie Pie, but never her other half. Pinkamena. Pinkamena is a different person in a sense.
Hope this helps!
1086155 Thx !
)
Oh, and one last question and I let you go :
Is there gonna be murdering involved at some point in the story ?
Edit : Pfew ! I hate violence. (Cupcake...
1086171
I'm honestly trying to refrain from that.
This story is about a battle of mind and power.
Probably a little violence, but no murders.
1086171
Also forgot to mention.
No real gore either.
Well no gore at all.
i think Rarity's gonna get it
one shudders to imagine the inhuman thoughts that lie beneath
that wicked grin of hers
1086568
Here's a hint.
Pinkamena's thoughts are my thoughts.
Most of the lines she has said in this story are stuff I have experienced....
Kind of why I enjoy writing this story so much...
images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/30600000/Stay-on-her-good-side-mlp-fim-cupcakes-30647425-500-750.jpg
Stay on Pinkie's good side, or Pinkamena will be out to play!
Man, this story just keeps getting better and better
1113757
I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter.
well, nothing like an insane Pinkamena story to wake up to.