A world dominating company on Earth gets beaten and flee to a random location to find a new planet. They scout the planet to find it full of ponies. The leader then talks to the princesses allowing for the Overseer to stay whilst he sorts out Earth. The Overseer's bio-engineered pony then gets up to no good with the ponies on Equestria. Or did he have two?
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My new story.
Please read then leave a comment so I know what you thought of it.
"Now....what to do with you let ?" ??? What ?
64951oh, does it say that? oops changing now
65201 only you Josh would come out with something like that.....does it really matter that much?
65201 The moon.
70751wait what? what about the moon?
105258 Its orbital and can be seen.
110897 I don't even say anything about the moon. It's the ship that my friend GM is on about.
when this fic is complete is will be perfect
112975 Oh thank you.
this was epic I can't wait for the next chapter
119773 Well I don't know when that will be done because I'm going to do the next chapter for my other story.
I get this irritating feeling that there IS a plot in there, and that this was designed to be long-term..
But I can't find it.
But it's there. So I keep reading.
Also, needs more Portal references.
Subtle ones. Like Panels. No lemons or friendly turrets or portal guns anything obvious.
124903 Why Portal references?
This is great and I can't wait for the next chapter
131240 Thanks bro.
Next chapter coming along soon.
FIRST and I can't wait for the next chapter
Oh. There you are, you sneaky plot, you!
138950 Ha ha ha
I bet you've been waiting for that forever?
Next chapter will be coming along soon.
FIRST and I can't wait for the next chapter
you, mister writer person. make this into a game or movie right fucking NOW
lol jk, but this is pretty awesome
I cringed at the amount of technological, scientific, and weapon inaccuracies in the mech battle...
D:
141709 That good huh?
142220 That bad?
Shame, sorry.
142664 Just that part. And don't feel bad. I probably am a bit too smart for my own good. I usually find inaccuracies in fics. You just had a lot of different tech doing a lot of things.
It was more how many errors than how bad they were.
The main thing I noticed was the shotgun part. A shotgun round (shot or slug) would do considerably less damage against an armored target than a rifle would. That was the worst mistake, as it should be known from real world gun experience.
Don't be offended by anything I say in critique, by the way.
Like me... 
I've written paragraphs (plural) of critique for authors much better than the both of us combined.
The difficult part is balancing artistic liberties with basic realities. In this type of fic, reality being secondary to anyone who hasn't studied weapon engineering.
144293 Oh, right.
Ok, thanks.
>reads synopsis
>initial impression: Avatar with ponies instead of Na'vi, with a dash of Conversion Bureau
Um, cool? I'd bet the story's nothing like that, though....
155466 Hay there bro.
No it isn't anything to do with Avatar at all.
If you read the whole story you will get the story line.
Waaaaaaay too much combat description.
90% of fighting moves written will not be understandable by anyone else.
Focus more on mood and dialogue and who is doing what on a larger scale than how they're killing them.
156802 Waaaaaaaay too picky.
STOP IT!
Stop being so picky and just read the damn story.
I'm not trying to be rude but you are really putting me down doing this.
158208 Stop being a whiny bitch and allow me to spend my time offering critique to help you be a better writer?
I do this for maybe six stories.
Feel honored; stop complaining.
We can not see inside your head, most of the combat scenes are gibberish to everyone else.
I host a role-play forum that is based in a post-apocalyptic environment. I've written and read plenty of combat scenes. Read Eragon. The combat scenes in there were spectacularly written.
160542 Fine
"I, Atom and Hades" should be "Atom, Hades and I"
Other than that, I have a question: There's this video game called gundamn or something similar. Is this a crossover of sorts?
Is it based off any anime or similar? Cause a lot of the references and what is decidedly 'canon' (especially with the names of some of the tech) are completely new to me.
PS. "Cock and Lirms"
174471 No, it has nothing to do with Gundam, I hate Gundam but it does have a lot to do with a game called Armored Core For Answer. Look it up.
174953 I had Gundamn for a little while. Decided it was crap and sold it.
Armored Core is the same type of gameplay, right? Didn't care much for the set up, but if I can find the game cheap enough used, why the hell not, right?
175240 Where do you live?
And Do you have an Xbox 360?
If England and yes then I have a copy you can borrow.
177645 PS3.
And ahh. English. That explains the gun knowledge.
I live in Missouri. A bit distant from England.
I don't even know, man...
"Or can he?"
Might as well edit Rainbow Dash chiming in with "Dun dun duuuuun." she's done it before.
I must say though.. Props for how you handled Rarity. ^^
195570 Thank you
Sorry for stupid ending...
but hay.
Anyway, next chapter will be out some time this week, maybe wednesday.
cool story brony! Can't stop reading! Keep writting stories like this!
Shards of knife...... I'm going to assume you don't have much knife experience to go off of and that you didn't know what you're saying.
The only knife I've ever had break off was a cheap knife I bought at a gas station for $3 and it broke off at the hinge. A combat knife has one solid piece of high-carbon steel connecting he blade to the handle grips.
The conditions it would have to be put through to break are 400+ degrees farenheit, be used to try to pry something immovable by hitting the handle with a hammer.
Provided it's a good combat knife, which a soldier would have.
A good knife is over $60. A soldier's combat knife is usually $250-300.
The more you know, right? Correct me I I'm wrong, but England doesnt have a loot of weapon experience, right? Guns are illegal and swords / knives are frowned upon? I don't blame you for not knowing.
I think a quick edit could be done to make it an errand to get surgical thread and needle.
201318 I don't really give a buck about real life knowledge of weapons, this is a story, anything can happen, now please stop nagging me about these Petit little things.
202579 Which is why I don't say anything about the power armour. Or the real life power of an over-loaded nuclear engine.
But a knife? You have a kitchen, right? Do your knives break apart when you're cutting steak or something?
No excuse.
216322 Josh....shut up.
This disease needs a name.
Rapefluenza.
241592 Thank you for that comment, I might call it that, no joke.
It is just madness, it causes some to be sex crazy but Moonshine who is always sex crazy turns normal like everypony usually is, this creeps everypony out.
242228 Leaving Moonshine to fix all the things.
That's right.
I see the future.
EDIT: And new chapter as soon as I read the last one... I'll read it later...
242725 HA HA HA
I wasn't planning on her fixing everything, I was planning something else.
She may be acting normally like everypony usually is but she is still under the control of the madness.
Was hoping for a completely normal Moonshine with an Austrilian accent or something. :|
249594 Why Australian?