Twilight and Rainbow Dash are in the library talking about a new filly that was kicked out of the royal guards. They are then interrupted to find a mysterious pony arrive at the library. Later they find it to be Moonshine the commander of the Equitorian guards. She turns frisky and falls for Twilight but later she falls for a stallion called Dr Atom Discharge. Then her secrets are unfolded......she once loved the princess of the night.
Page generated in 0.085 seconds
Total duration
1,082 users online
1,575,378 hits today, 1,960,719 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
46840 Ok, I'll try.
Thanks
But what do you think of the story itself so far?
C'mon colt. I told you it was my first story ever.
Please don't make me feel like this.
It just sounded so cool of a story when me and my friend (the creator of Dr Atom Discharge) were doing it on google chat.
Ok the other guys do have a point it could do with some work and there are some flaws, but no-one makes a perfect first fanfiction so keep writing, have a read of others and take some notes to make your fanfics alot better, but for a first try it really isnt bad
Hey. I've got an idea.
How about some of you other ponies re-write it and I'll see if I like it.
Thanx...I guess.
To everypony who reads this. My friend who created Dr Atom Discharge, please go and look at his stories too.
Just look up the name 'Dr Atom Discharge'
I owe it all to him.
47075 No i get it, yours did actually make me laugh, i dont think your trolling, Just my opinion but i just think that some are going on a(teansy) bit to much on things the person above them has already said. Just saying, if you thought i was being a jerk then sorry that wasn't my intention.
47155 Hehe good, thing is i do tend to sort of over stick up for people when i see that they feel down because of what someone says, by the way could i ask what the longest a fanfic should be? Its just im writing a new one but i have a feeling it will be AT LEAST 2000 words like my last/first one, if maybe more but i'm worried people'll get bored and not finish it
Really Good!
47648 Thanks, that's probably the first really nice comment I've had yet.
Moonshine is always looking for new ponies to meet to BTW so if any pony wishes to meet her the tell me the name of your pony, and what they're like as she came be fun to be around.
47906 I'll try to make a pony!
By the way, I have a new account! Called Wet pony princess!
In case your confused,I changed my old account name to this.
Really un-
I can't wait to read more of your story!Loving it!
Oh and one more thing:WHERE DID YOU GET THAT PICTURE?
I am so loving it!
I very much like it so far~
My one complaint is that the everything is kinda cluttered...
What I mean to say is, you may want to divide it all up into paragraphs
But other than that, *Tracks*
Hey Fillies and Gentlecolts. I found the problem of the spacing and paragraphs.
I did the story of Microsft Word and then copied it over, didn't check it and the spacing was lost.
The real thing is better.
I'll edit it now.
There we go everypony. The changes are made.
I hope that it's much better.
I'm the guy editing your friend's story
Want me to help with yours as well?
It has a lot of potential, but I think you moved it along too quickly, and it wasn't the smoothest read
I'd be happy to help out if you'd like
I like the idea of your story so far, and with a little touching up it could be a great story
46863
That's not very loving and tolerant of you
We're supposed to give constructive criticism, not be a total mule to the poor guy
It's his first fiction, so ease up, and don't comment unless it's to compliment or lend a helping hoof
46940 I'm a guy who for some bizzare reason wanted a female character (don't ask)
47648 Thank you. Your comment has really supported me, no really. Why? because it isn't a critisizm.
64728 Hehe nothing wrong with that, female ponies are awesome
64946true, just like Luna
70603 what???
64979 Exactly like Luna!
66707 Yheah I would have responded to this earlier but I did the same as Twilgiht there
66707 Yheah I would have responded to this earlier but I did the same as Twilgiht there
105679 Aww don't worry.
I'll read it. What's it called?
So you continued this huh? Cool story bro.
123399 Yeah and I hope to keep on top of both of then by switching from time to time between the two.
125688 Oh c'mon Josh
132099 Thank you, at least someone is being nice.
129523 It wasn't meant to be like that, at first I had the one pony, Moonshine but as time went on I wanted another so I created Treacle Tart. Sorry if I offended you in anyway.
125688 ha ha ha lulz.
Wait what?
How?
105723 Oh really, well that could be arranged.
132099 No, not really. I'm speaking like that because I have two sisters (and I'm a girl). We are triplets and that's not how multiples OR sisters act. It's kind of offensive when people ask "Who's the good one? Who's the smart one? Who's the evil one?" It's really annoying, and I wanted to tell you that that isn't how sisters act at all. I like the story, but the main reason I didn't track was because of those stereotypes in the story.
135012 again, I say, I'm sorry if that offended you, it wasn't meant for that reason.
Little mistakes but still good! and oOSlowMotion Oo, this brony tried really hard on this story maybe you shoul keep calm and keep on reading a story
To everypony who reads this...
If you wish for me to make a new chapter for this and take a break from my other story then please comment and rate this story...
If this story reaches 2,500 views before the end of next week then I will make a new chapter.
This mare has the god damn strongest voice in all of equestria I love it
257428 Thank you....did you mean me or Moonshine?
266095Not sure any more hmm I wonder
Um is canterlot extramly close to ponyville or do they have amazing vision or are the princesses not even in canterlot but a town close to ponyville cuz I'm kind of confused
291878 You Forgot to mention that the grammar is kinda hard to read too.
293844Ya but my first fics grammar wasn't that great eather it's better know but you should have read it in they begining
293941 Umm....Thanks?
294274No...problem it's not bad just confusing at times
A Princess Molestia chapter... nice.
301272 Yeah, thought I should pop that in there...
Molestia...me gusta
48436 I made the picture.