(Sour) Sweet Music Together

Dazzling and former siren Sonata Dusk go out on a date with Shadowbolt Sour Sweet

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 7 )

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SpikeCrosstie4077

SpikeCrosstie4077 #1 · Dec 17th, 2018 · · ·

How did you tag under E and still tag sex?

Hopeful_Ink_Hoof

Hopeful_Ink_Hoof #2 · Dec 17th, 2018 · 1 · ·

9353392
I switched it up to T when I was writing something where the two were talking about. I decided to edit it out, and switched it back to E. I guess the warning tag remained even after the switch since I didn't unclick it.

NaiadSagaIotaOar

NaiadSagaIotaOar #3 · Dec 18th, 2018 · 1 · ·

The place was going to be full of children. Hundreds of them. All running around, screaming, jumping, doing who knows what all else. Then there were the games. Dozens of different ones, all over the place. A lot of them including bright lights and loud sound effects. That did not even include whatever kind of kid friendly pop music might be playing.
Just thinking about it all made her eyes ache, her ears ring, and her head throb.

That is the correct reaction to a place full of children

But, overall, I don't know how to feel about this, sorry. The ending took an odd turn that I didn't expect, and not in a great way, so by the end I was just a bit confused about what this story was trying to accomplish. I like the idea of the pairing. The two of them going to a horror movie is a super cute thought. But the buildup to the date made me think that that was going to be the focus, so the decision to speed past what could have been the most endearing portion of the story and condense it into a paragraph of summary seemed like an odd one. And then the final conversation felt like a really sudden swerve of tone, and introduces a conflict out of nowhere that doesn't get resolved by the end of the story. Like, the first three-quarters of this feel like fluffy romance, then the last quarter feels like a sudden switch to dramatic romance, and I think switching like that made it not quite do either very well.

I think this could've worked, if it'd been stretched out and expanded. Maybe as a first chapter, it would be a nice setup for more, because I'm left wanting to know what happens next and everything's so sudden that I don't have much of a hint of an answer to that.

I hope writing this helped with whatever issue you were struggling with

FanOfMostEverything

FanOfMostEverything #4 · Dec 18th, 2018 · 1 · ·

Interesting. It definitely feels more like a fragment of a larger story, but it presents the relationship well. If anything, Sonata feels too considerate; this is a girl who's preyed on negative emotional energy for years if not centuries. Seeing her be this considerate is downright surreal, though I can see how one could make it work for her given life experiences after Rainbow Rocks.

In all, this does make a strong case for Sournata, but it needs more space to explore both Sonata's character growth and Sour Sweet's conflicted feelings.

That said, brilliant work with the background details. I may need to borrow Mashed Potatoes.

The Forgotten Siren