208. You Are Not Your Demons
Train station always made Fluttershy nervous. Everything made Fluttershy nervous. Green Neigh’s station was nice enough, very quaint. Basically just a little platform with a train track next to it. Not a very high priority stop, there weren’t any ponies nearby, except for—
Fluttershy gasped as Rarity’s hand found its way around Fluttershy’s, the two sitting next to each other on the bench and waiting for the others to arrive.
“Are you okay, lovely?” Rarity said softly, and hearing her voice was like a rainfall of relaxation across Fluttershy’s desert of anxiety.
“I am,” Fluttershy giggled, squeezing Rarity’s hand. “Thanks to you. Thank you for sitting with me.”
“It’s my pleasure, sweetheart,” Rarity snorted laughing, and Fluttershy cocked her head. “I called Twilight ‘Twilight’ earlier today, and it felt so strange and I realized it’s because I’m so used to calling my friends by affectionate pet names. I have a disease.”
“And it’s called being a hecking genius,” Fluttershy grinned, spreading a wing out and draping it across Rarity’s back.
“Thank you, my dear Fluttershy,” Rarity’s laughter was like a clear bell cutting through the static in Fluttershy’s brain. “You’re too kind.”
“I try,” Fluttershy gave a goofy smirk, and then self-consciously covered herself with her wing. “Though to be fair, you make it very easy to be kind to you. There’s a lot to love.” Fluttershy paused and let out a little playful scoff. “Wish I was going to the Gala with you and not Applejack.”
“Mm, I heard about your date with Applejack,” Rarity hummed, tracing her finger in the crease of Fluttershy’s hand. “I was happy that you had taken that step to build a relationship with her, so I must admit I’m a little disappointed to hear you say that now.
“Although,” Rarity giggled, and Fluttershy took in a slow breath as the sound of Rarity’s laughter resonated through Fluttershy’s body like fire, “I’m sure you and I would have a fabulous time at the Gala together. We’d definitely turn heads, that’s for sure.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to go with Applejack,” Fluttershy murmured. Expressing her feelings about Applejack always felt like she was trying to choke rusty knives out through her mouth. “I mean, I dunno. It’s complicated.
“What I do know,” Fluttershy whispered, “is that I would love to be going with you. But I also don’t want to mess up the big plans I know you have with Twilight Sparkle, so I’ll wait my turn. There’ll be plenty of time for us to spend together-” Fluttershy let her tail coil around onto Rarity’s thigh, gently turning the mare’s head to face Fluttershy and tracing a finger underneath her chin “-later.”
“You are quite a charmer, aren’t you?” Rarity smiled dreamily, and Fluttershy snorted and withdrew her hands, her tail, and her wings.
“Sorry,” she fretted, “was that too much?”
“It wasn’t enough, quite frankly,” Rarity chuckled, and that made Fluttershy feel good again. “Is it safe to say that you’re attracted to me? That I’m not imagining it?”
“Of course I’m attracted to you!” Fluttershy blinked, in stunned disbelief at Rarity’s statement. “Who wouldn’t be? You’re gorgeous!”
“Darling, you flatter me with your incredibly truthful and accurate compliments,” Rarity laughed, hand over her chest. “Not to put too fine a point on it-” Rarity scooched closer to Fluttershy, taking her by the hands and forcing them down onto Rarity’s thighs, Fluttershy’s cheeks burning with an intensity she didn’t know she could feel as a dragon “-but I’m quite attracted to you as well.”
“Th-that’s— I had a feeling, but that’s—” Fluttershy stammered, her face heating up and her brain short-circuiting. Rarity’s praise was way, way too much for her little lesbian brain to handle. “Hearing you say that feels so good.”
“I have something else I want to say to you,” Rarity whispered, and Fluttershy swore her ears were shooting steam like a boiling tea kettle. Rarity inched closer and whispered directly into Fluttershy’s ear. “May I kiss you?”
“Y-you may,” Fluttershy said with a shaky smile, her entire body trembling as Rarity took her in her arms and pressed her lips against Fluttershy’s.
Rarity’s kiss was magnificent, like being transported to a whole other world, like being safe inside one of those cute snowglobe worlds that have the little houses in them, wrapped up in a comforting blanket of snow and love.
Fluttershy whimpered as Rarity pulled back. She dug her nails into Rarity’s shoulder, desperate not to let go, but Rarity took her hands in hers, kissing them gently before placing them on Fluttershy’s lap.
“I don’t want to ruin the mood,” Rarity said softly, and Fluttershy cringed, tightly shutting her eyes as she gritted her teeth and her ears clamped against her skull. She knew she’d messed everything up with that, and she— “Fluttershy?”
“Y-yes?” Fluttershy opened her eyes. She would let Rarity say her piece without interruption from Fluttershy’s brain demons.
“I need to ask you something,” Rarity said. “What makes me different from Pinkie Pie? What makes Twilight Sparkle different from Applejack?”
The answer, of course, was obvious. It was as simple as it was horrible.
Pinkie belonged to Fluttershy. Fluttershy belonged to Rarity.
It came so naturally to Fluttershy that she didn’t even notice the dynamics at play until Rarity asked her. Rarity was higher up on the ‘food chain’, as it were, than Fluttershy; so Rarity could do whatever she wanted, with Fluttershy or without her, and Fluttershy expected that kind of respect from Pinkie Pie.
And Pinkie didn’t give it to her. Nor should she have! That was a horrible way of thinking about relationships!
…wasn’t it?
It was, wasn’t it?
And yet that’s just… how Fluttershy thought about them. She wasn’t sure if it was instinct or teaching or just her nature, but trying to imagine relationships outside the boundary of ‘owner’ and ‘owned’ was impos— it was difficult.
It wasn’t impossible, Fluttershy would make it work. Somehow.
“Darling?”
Fluttershy snapped out of her trance. Rarity looked concerned. Fluttershy was sweating, and she felt gross.
“The others are here,” Fluttershy said under her breath, maybe it was subconsciously who knows. Rarity turned her head and couldn’t see them, cuz they hadn't arrived yet, they had simply entered Fluttershy’s field of sensation so she knew they were on their way. “Um, that’s a good question. Rarity!”
“Eh, yes, I agr—”
“And I have a great answer for it!” Fluttershy said, standing up on the bench and speaking definitely a little too loud. “And I’ll be happy to give it to you after the Gala, once I’ve thought of it!”
“My lovely,” Rarity stood up on the bench in front of Fluttershy, not cowering, or looking at Fluttershy with contempt, but just gently taking Fluttershy’s hands and reminding her to breathe.
Deeply, in through the nose.
Slowly, out through the mouth.
“Take your time,” Rarity said. “We all have damage when it comes to certain things, and relationships are a big one. You aren’t a monster or a horrible person just because you have some damage to work through.”
“What if I hurt someone?” Fluttershy whispered her greatest fear out loud, and she didn’t want to ‘cry’ so much as she wanted to scream.
“Then you will make amends,” Rarity whispered, holding Fluttershy close, “as best you can, and we’ll move forward. We all hurt each other. It’s nothing to be afraid of, or ashamed of. You are not your demons.”
“Thank you, Rarity,” Fluttershy said, raising a hand to wipe her tears away, but Rarity was faster.
“Fluttershy, of course,” Rarity said softly, giving Fluttershy a tender kiss on the nose. “I love you, and I want you to feel as good about yourself as I feel about you.”
“Yo!” Rainbow Dash shouted, and Rarity hopped off the bench to greet her and the others, turning back to wink at Fluttershy. “Rarity, Fluttershy! You guys ready for the Gala?!”
“You know what?” Fluttershy said with a bright, but reserved smile, taking Rarity’s hand as she stepped gently off the bench. “I think that I am.”
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I live for this shit.
Quite.
I love Rarity's confidence. She's fucking amazing and she knows it.
I feel like she's asked this before.
Fluttershy, has been through Hell, hasn't she?
Oh, oh that's not healthy at all.
Well, it's progress.
You know? This story is fucking amazing. I cannot express how glad I am I started reading this. Because I just expected a slice of life maybe adventure themed Au with silly shippingness, but THIS. THIS is a fucking amazing line.
Rarity is absolutely fucking spectacular in this, I want you to know this.
10241609
Indeed, what is happening in this story is characterization rather than cut-outs and stereotypes. I am looking forward to more as this continues.
Each of these character moments are all so hecking good.
Azure Edge: more like Awesome Edge
10238919
So, how it went in the original, but with more fire.
awwwww
oh my
i'm love rarity
o-oh my
but hmmmmm well we already know pinkie's been misplaced, but she feels too chaotic to really place in the hierarchy at all. 
yes we realize the entire point of this bit is that it's unhealthy but we're not refuting that, just joking around with top/bottom/d/s dynamics here)
well then
(rarity's place in the hierarchy makes sense
welp
yeah
yay rarity! and hopefully soon yay fluttershy
Fluttershy's seriously unhealthy view of relationships (especially dom/sub ones, from what little I know) really makes me think her 'shitty old magic teacher' was Sombra or someone beholden to him.
Chrysalis or one of hers would have taught a more manipulative mindset, someone beholden to Discord and there's too much likelihood that Flutters and Twi would have seen or heard of each other before meeting in Equestria, and Twilight likely wouldn't have such a positive opinion of Tirek if such mindset came from him or someone beholden to him.