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BrambleBerry

Joined January 2012
10 followers

Stories (2)

  • Sunset's Last Glow
    A remnant from the past has returned, and it's up to Rainbow Dash (and others) to help them fit in.

    38,622 words · 1,126 views · 41 likes · 1 dislikes
  • Walking With The Princess
    After Luna came back on Nightmare Night, not everypony welcomed her with open arms.
    642 words · 312 views · 4 likes · 2 dislikes

Blog Posts (7)

Source

One thousand years ago, three of Equestria's finest soldiers prepared to launch a war that was fated to never occur. When Nightmare Moon is defeated for the second time and final time, they are ejected into a very different world than from what they remember.

Phoenix Ember, last loyal member of the Shadowbolts, is left abandoned by his soldiers to his immortal enemy: Celestia. His only hope to survive in this confusing new world where Celestia rules is to learn and understand. Who better to teach him about this Equestria than one of the Elements of Harmony?

First Published
5th Aug 2012
Last Modified
16th Aug 2014

Comments ( 21 )

#1 · Chapter 5 · 108w, 2d ago · · ·

Ooh, this is on FiMFiction now!  Can't wait for the next chapter!

#2 · Chapter 5 · 108w, 2d ago · · ·

This. Is. Amazing. More. Now. Must see. Rainbow's reaction.

#3 · Chapter 5 · 106w, 1d ago · · ·

Me gusta:pinkiehappy:

I wish I could write like you!

Please send me some of your skills!

#4 · Chapter 6 · 91w, 4d ago · · ·

A very good read. I can't wait for further chapters!:twilightsmile:

#5 · Chapter 6 · 91w, 4d ago · · ·

It seems like the later part of the flashbacks starts referring to the Shadowbolts as the Wonderbolts for some reason. Specific instances I noticed:

Only the span of one thousand feet stood between him and securing a position in the Wonderbolts.

Then the leader of the Wonderbolts laughed.

#6 · Chapter 6 · 91w, 4d ago · · ·

>>1709023

Thanks for the catch!  I hadn't noticed that, and probably in the frenzied happy state I was in when I typed it up, I let the two get mixed.

#7 · Chapter 6 · 91w, 1d ago · · ·

Well, I read through chapter 4 and while it was an interesting premise, the execution seemed lacking. Structurally, the spelling and grammar are solid, but I honestly didn't like it.  

And I'm the bum :trixieshiftleft: who did the first rate down and I don't do that without saying why. I found the characterizations to be biggest problem, the way everypony acts is just off. I mean it has been less than a week since the Princess even meet most of the elements and she decides that Rainbow Dash is the choice to rehabilitate an enemy of the state? It seems some other pony with training in psychology would be a better fit.

Plus the way that, while Celestia tries to take some of the blame, it feels as though everyone has decided that Luna is pretty much to blame for the whole thing. Except that Luna did have some real arguments for wanting to take over, but now that the magic rainbow mind cannon has been used on her, she is back in the side of angels. Oh but she still might relapse.

And as for Phoenix Ember(lol that name) he seems to be the most competent yet incompetent pony ever. And I love how everypony seems to think that fact that he chose to side w/ Luna/NMM means that he is just confused and need to be shown the "light". The way the characters are treating the whole NMM thing seems to be kind of mind rape like. Because having a different opinion of things must mean there's something wrong with you.

The whole thing seems to forced and off somehow. I hope you give it some thought, but don't stop just because I didn't like it, others obviously do and it'd be a shame to disappoint them. Keep writing and I hope to try something else of yours in the future.  

-Teraphim :twilightsheepish:

#8 · Chapter 6 · 91w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1726889  Thanks for your honest opinion.  The comments on Equestria Daily were...not quite as kind, and I wasn't anticipating everybody to like it.  I have been trying to get a prologue down explaining his loyalty to Luna/Nightmare Moon but had a lot happen in my life recently and didn't get around to it at all yet.  I'm working on Chapter 7 right now.  I really wish you had read 5 and 6, the story does get better and you get a little glimpse into his life before now.

Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate it!

#9 · Chapter 6 · 91w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1709023

>>1709462

Also, what are these 'feet' you speak of? :derpytongue2:

Loving this story, it is very good! I'm dead keen to see how it all pans out :twilightsmile: so please, carry on as you were.

#10 · Chapter 6 · 54w, 6d ago · · ·

this is such an amazing story!!!:twilightsheepish::derpytongue2:, i cant wait to see what happens next and 'Phoenix Ember' totally one of my new favorite names :pinkiehappy:

#11 · Chapter 2 · 48w, 4d ago · · ·

They saw the one they swore their lives to, in her stark beauty and grace; the Dark Mare, staring down this impudent unicorn mare—barely even older than a filly.  All alone—something that his brethren would consider not the brightest of strategic decisions considering what she was daring to challenge.

Well excuse me for not sticking near my allies while my enemy suddenly teleports the only weapon I can conceivably use against her to an unknown location.

“You don’t scare me in the very least, you confused pony.  So put your stupid little stick down and—“

The next sound that was heard was that of a resounding WHACK as Zecora took the staff and lowered it with all intentional force onto Phoenix’s head.  He hit the floor, a tumbled mess of feathers and coat landing into a lump.

"So, what are you going to do now?"

"Well, first I'm going to take get knocked out by your stick."

Seriously, what kind of a soldier is not even familiar with the concept of a club?

I have to say, I find the narration unnecessarily hard to follow in many places.

And to be clear, I love a good story with fundamental mysteries, and I have no problem with a viewpoint character whom I do not initially understand. But this feels like you forgot to explain, not like you chose not to explain, and while I couldn't say what gives one impression or the other, I can still say it is a very important difference. There's an art to keeping information known to the viewpoint character from your audience, and I think you're keeping too many secrets.

#12 · Chapter 0 · 48w, 4d ago · · ·

“Ooh... you had better known a pretty good spell to keep my hooves off of you when I get free, you lousy striped foal!”  the pegasus said, searching for his attacker from his uncomfortable seat on the ground.

"Of such a spell, I have easily thought:

One I like to call 'tying a strong knot.'

But if that's not enough to keep you at bay,

I can hit you over the head all day."

Seriously, who expects to find a defenseless mare in a forest full of monsters? Sure, the danger's not nearly so concentrated as some Ponyville residents would have you believe, but you don't build a house there without first either learning to defend yourself from much more than an annoyed pegasus, or losing all common sense to a serious head injury.

Phoenix chuckled as he tried to steady himself against Steady’s hooves.  “Normally I would have put up a bit more fight and tried to capture the two of you--I’m glad I didn’t waste my time.  You didn’t even bother to check if I was awake or not.  Apparently Celestia doesn’t really care if her guardsponies have the cognitive functions of a schoolfilly.”

Yeah, because a pony who can't even stand up on his own is such a huge threat. What if you had headbutted one of them in the leg until he said "ow," then done the same to the other after spending five minutes wriggling over to him?

They reached a set of double doors, guarded by a grey stallion, who was seated, staff in hand.

“Ah, gentleponies... I see you’ve returned.  You’re a little late, you know.  You promised me that it would only take twenty minutes back and forth, and it’s been almost an hour.”  The grey stallion stood up, moving to unlock the door.

“Well, we weren’t planning on this one being so heavy or stubborn, Rapidfire... next time, you’re heading out and I’ll stay here.”

I call bullshit. There's not a Wonderbolt in all of Equestria who could make it through even half an hour of guard duty without gouging his eyes out from boredom.

#13 · Chapter 6 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·

>>3264839

Sorry for not getting to this sooner: I need to have a little chart of my projects so that I stay on top of them.

I am working on my writing style, and Chapter 1 is without a doubt the roughest patch in the entire story.  My problem is that people have already read it, and as much as I want to add more details to help clarify some of the things that you talked about, there's an inherent hesitancy to dive back into the pool and start flinging around water balloons.  I will go back and fix parts that weren't clear, but finishing Chapter 7 is the first priority right now.

#14 · Chapter 6 · 4w, 3d ago · · ·

I've taken Chapter 1 down temporarily to rewrite a majority of it after the writing of the Prologue.  I still need a pre-reader to fine-toothed comb it before it sees the light of day.

#15 · Chapter 6 · 2w, 2d ago · · ·

This...this isn't dead? Hallelujah!

#16 · Chapter 6 · 2w, 2d ago · · ·

>>4861599 It was very much on life support for a while.  But, yes, Sunset's Last Glow is far from deceased.

#17 · Chapter 6 · 2w, 2d ago · · ·

>>4861695 Thank God the doctors didn't pull the plug! :rainbowlaugh:

#18 · Chapter 6 · 2w, 2d ago · · ·

>>4861708 You should see the hospital bill. >.> Know any good attorneys? :pinkiehappy:

#19 · Chapter 6 · 2w, 2d ago · · ·

>>4861741 I know of one...

I think he's the Wright man for the job :trollestia:

#20 · Chapter 6 · 1w, 4d ago · · ·

Putting Chapter 1 back up for now even though it hasn't been read through.  Please note, this is a major re-write!  I suggest reading from the Prologue on, because the story has changed.

#21 · Chapter 6 · 1w, 4d ago · · ·

>>4890059 Eye eye Captain!

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