I've been writing online for thirty years. One of these days I might actually get good at it.
Twilight Sparkle's first love is learning, and always will be. But to her surprise, not everything that can be learned can be found in one of her books.
(Cover art by ~fajeh.)
...I'll keep an eye on it.
Ahhh . . . finally.
It's good to see that your story finally made it here. So Equestria has Internet acces (IPV6, of course). That could make things interesting (particularly if they discover the brony community or something like 4chan).
In there world it probably means "Internet Pony v6."
"Internet Pony v6." Wish I'd thought of that.
You are too old for Twilight Sparkle, my friend. You have an old soul that needs reality for a tonic.
By rights, I am too old for anypony. However, as a previous Sage once noted, you're never too old to yearn.
To paraphrase the recently asterized Ray Bradbury, fight against the day when you cry out "help!" and will accept any answer.
“Actually,” she said, “I never see any stallions.”
Well, maybe not at that distance. Or angle.
Not bad at all.
>never seen stallion
Wait a minute, what the buck happened at the end of the last chapter? It's like something is missing between that one and this one. You can't make something like that happen and just dismiss it. Explain, dude! EXPLAAAAIIIIIN!!!! *EXPLODES*
Given the brain-dead (almost) status of the narrator at that moment, I suspect nothing interesting actually happened. Besides, it's the one semi-legitimate comedy blackout bit in the entire piece, so I cut the two paragraphs that had originally been intended to follow it.
>>10366331036633 Any chance of ever seeing those paragraphs? I just feel like there's a big hole in the story the way it cuts off so abruptly like that.
They weren't that interesting -- eventually we wound up in the back yard having a chat, because it wasn't so beastly hot just yet - but I'll fish them out of the database and paste them in, since I am forced to agree that it's a bit abrupt. (I did this thing originally in WordPress, and there were seven final saved files, but there are something like 90 auto-saved intermediate files, so all I have to do is find the right one. Shouldn't take too long. And if I can't get my hands on them, well, I can reconstruct if I have to.)
Ten minutes later:
In place. Not too interesting, as I said -- though you may note that I did lift some of the original text for an earlier comment.
Anyway, thank you for the suggestion. If it makes a better story, it was worth it.
I can see where this is going. Delightful read as usual. The narration is particularly charming.
I wasn't sure how much I'd get out of "Twilight Sparkle has pleasant conversation with random brony", but it was sufficiently well written to keep me reading, until he decided to start lying to her about cosmology. Let me just double check that he doesn't admit he was teasing in the following sixty seconds ... wait do you even know you were wrong? When the Earth circles the Sun, that is a year. When the Earth turns in a circle, that is a day.
While I'm at it, the Sun may be considered more or less stationary in our solar system, as it's the center and the bulk of the mass, but our solar system in turn has its own orbit around our galaxy, which wanders the universe in its own way. But this paragraph would probably be outside the recollection of your protagonist.
Combination of brain derp (my fault) and the narrator's more-befuddled-than-he-thinks nature (which technically is also my fault). It's that brain/mouth dyssynchronization you've seen elsewhere in the tale. And if "dyssynchronization" isn't a word, it ought to be.
On the larger level, since our narrator knows next to nothing about Equestrian cosmology, I don't blame him for mucking up his own: he thinks he's trying to communicate on her level, and it's only just starting to sink in that her level is several rungs above his. Still, I'm supposed to be pushing him in the correct direction, and to that extent I dropped the ball.
Thank you. It's a shame I can't borrow this guy's charm for my own self.
i love yet hate the ending. love it because its great, hate it because it makes me sad.
a very fine story you have here. wouldn't mind a sequel
Maybe someday. Right now, I'm happy to have this one off my plate for a while. But thank you just the same.
I would be horribly sad, but I'm an optimist and I have a good feeling that Twi will be spending a few sleepless nights finding a door. Thank you for the tale.
Please disregard the shipping, lol
"That was awful!"
You ended off with a cliffhanger?
...You better fix that. Now.
Definitely consider a follow-on story. If nothing else, we have seen that Twilight is one determined pony when it comes to accomplishing tasks.
Oh dear Celestia, what's happening next?
Also, magic depletion. Sound familiar?
I have no idea what's happening next, although this line popped into my head about lunchtime:
"Sorry, Dad, I can't hear you over the noise. Now -- you're moving where?"
But that's just a line. Doesn't mean a thing.
Rainbow M. Dash. This is going to drive me insane now. What in the name of Celestia could the name be?
This pairing is so deliciously complicated. I love reading the banter and arguments.
Most other stories are so shallow, whereas yours has a certain amount of depth that most writers couldn't manage, myself included.
Kudos to you, sir, and keep at it.
Miriam. Here's a source.
I have to say, it was a well put together piece. A very sad ending, but such is life.
"Do they involve DNA samples?"
Me after I saw that.
I bounced that line off some friends, and they were unanimous: "You're not going to use that, are you?"
I suppose now I'll have to find new friends.
Intriguing, I like the comparisons between human science and pony science, and I have a similar story in mind for the future that discusses the idea of Equestria being a post-humanised earth myself. The first person nature of the piece is also interesting, but you could probably work on spending more time being descriptive, what little you have in the way of it is very good, but it'd be nice to see more throughout.
I know this piece is labelled "Complete" but just a few things to keep in mind
At several points -- probably several very obvious points - I was torn between adding just a bit more and listening to the voice that says "For Celestia's sake, get on with it!"
I would definitely be interested in your take on a post-humanized Earth.
SEQUEL! Also, I loved the story. But if you make a sequel, it's got to be longer, as I thought this ended too quickly. It barely took an hour to complete, but I'll be re-reading it soon!
Which was sort of the point, since our humble narrator had admitted that he was perfectly willing to let things go on as they were indefinitely -- until he discovered that they couldn't.
Still, a romance that bears no Sad tag and yet doesn't end "And they all lived happily ever after" is fundamentally incomplete, so at some point you will find out what happens next. (However, it won't be all that long, simply because what happens next will be perfectly obvious rather quickly.)
I like this story very much
ha i love it
And for those who were wondering what happens next: there was a follow-on story (Somepony New), which earned some level of acceptance, though some readers thought there was an obvious gap between this story and that one. The gap is in the process of being filled.
Okay, I declare this trilogy complete.
The story continues here. (Be warned: it switches to third person.) And then it winds up here.
I admit that the late Douglas Adams could get four, even five tales into a trilogy, but I'm not anywhere near his league.
And if for some reason you thought Chapter 6 sounded vaguely Dan Brown-ish, well, I Write Like agrees with you. I have my doubts.
Runcible holds the book upside down, staring at it with an intensity of focus rivaled by none but Twilight Sparkle herself.
Runcible Spoon's brow furrows in concentration before a wide, ear-to-ear grin spreads across his face.
And what a long, strange trip it must have been. There are times when I thought the story would have worked better had I been upside down when I wrote it.
Oh, and there will be a fourth story. First chapter is up.