A girl who loves nothing but gold. A dragon who kidnaps her by accident. A misunderstanding that's more trouble than it's worth. An opportunity to escape. Just as long as no one tries to rescue her.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I had to stop before even reading the chapter but people aren't complaining about Spike not blowing them all away.
People are mad because it feels that almost every confrontation and every turn Spike is just getting screwed over.
so she is straight....
..... and like that I'm actually getting back to liking AJ.
9299488
You're right, that was a poor choice of wording.
I like this chapter, it's pretty good and please please PLEASE continue to write this story.
I'm sorry you heard complaints about Spike not one shotting enemies, I like this story as it is,
Spike has power, but he has no control over his strength, he holds back because he afraid of losing control.
I think he in the right, he can't use any of his power as it sounds like he unleashing a dam of aggression.
So i like how this story is going!
I'm sorry again to hear you putting up with those jerks who complain over some so trivial, there going to be haters like that.
Don't let them stop you from enjoying writing this story, I for one love this story.
Please continue it, as for all you complainers.....If you want a one shot warrior or hero go read some displaced fics ok.
There plenty of those guys and gals.
Apparently I'm one of the ones complaining, and I'm sorry that it's bugging you with it, but I'm seeing the same thing to spike and its tiring. Maybe I'm being impatient and looking for some sort of payoff to the metaphorical dung sandwich Spikes been serving so far, and I'm sorry.
I personally like the story very much. Spike being more powerful than any pony, having a pacifist attitude and being haunted by the ghosts of his violent makers is a very original take on him and I would enjoy seeing the tale continue. Add this to the character development that the princesses are going through (well, OK. Not much for Rainbow Dash yet, but it's early), and this makes this one of my favorite stories on FimFiction right now.
Dude for the love of God please don't cancel the story! I hate it when potential like this gets wasted! I don't just want to see Spike one-shot every single problem he comes across like One-Punch Man, but I really want to see him struggle yet prevail. Sometimes you got to get knocked down for you can get back up again. Granted I would like Rainbow Dash to have a little more to do in the story....
And I really, really, really want to know the status of the rest of the main cast in this world you've developed. I want to know more details about Spike's past, what Fluttershy, Pinkie, and Twilight are like in this world, etc.
Please continue this story! It's too good to simply cancel.
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Yeah, whole lot of stuff just started making sense. I knew that book of hers had to have some meaning to it....
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And it wasn't so much the FIGHT as it was the character herself.
Please no cancel, this is an actually good story. Very few raunchy stories have writing this good.
9299500
Okay, here's the way I see it. You're not doing that badly, it's like I said earlier about breading the ducks too often. However, no one wants to see Spike get beat and treated like a punching bag because that's his role in the show. People have taken pity on him and when we see people just put him back on his role we don't like it. But you're not a horrendous offender, there's been much worse. (Especially by the creators of the actual show.) I said earlier it's a fine line, and I being a HUGE fan of Spike have had my own way set about him, but I'm just going to say this. Don't let people get in the way of your creativity, it's your vision and you play it the way YOU want to people are going to have opinions about everything. Don't let that get in the way of you writing, it's OH so obvious people LOVE this. You write for you, and fans are going to be assholes because not everything is they way THEY like, but it's not what they like it's what YOU like. You're doing fine, criticism is there for a good reason, but it's up to you to follow it or not.
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This. This is exactly my point. I haven't read the new chapter yet but this was what I meant, he's helped two girls (that I know of) out of the kindness of his heart and all they've done is stomp all over his feelings, property, and emotions because they know he's a pacifist.
That may not be what the intention was but it's what it certainly felt like. Besides growing up with a pacifist mother it feels like crap because a pacifist will still fight to defend themselves. They just refuse to seek conflict outside of immediate threats to themselves
So Applejack is into stallions, despite the fact her culture dictates being lesbian is the proper way. And some small part of her is terrified of that. Interesting.
Also, pleases, please, PLEASE don’t cancel this story! I love it so much!
Honestly, take the peoples reactions on here as a compliment. Means you write great material to stir someone up as these folks do. Take NONE of it to heart and write as you will, we are here BECAUSE of your writing and how awesome of a story this is. Having a main char that wins everytime gets dull, seeing Spike hold to his values or because of some secret of his is fantastic, gives him alot of depth of character.
Ya doing good! Please don't give up on this!
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I think that the tags and summary are a bit misleading. When I read it I assumed that this would be a mostly light-hearted screwball sexual comedy. It's a screwball sexual comedy all right but light-hearted it is not. This world and Spike's life within it are super dark and much of the comedy is black as coal.
I don't think you intentionally set out to mislead people as to what kind of story this is but I do think people feel that they had the rug pulled out from under them just the same.
A tweak to the story description and adding a Dark tag might help.
haters going to hate, whiners are going to whine - writers write ,
I'm coming for you Rarity!
It's about time
I thought I beat you for good
scratch that I'm coming for revenge and that two for one at that All you can eat dinner buffet bar.
Yes!
and then a treasure bath
YES YES YES
AND ALL YOU CAN EAT STAKES!
I'M IN!
and Sorin's invited
you? you get to pay for yourself....It's not Amazon Nite!
I think it’s less of the fact that Spike is getting curb-stomped and more about the fact that the princesses are pretty much ungrateful jerks who don’t seem to respect him much.
Needless to say with 10 chapters, it still has too much potential to cancel.
Really loving this chapter here mate, espically Spike little talk with Velvet, and him finally letting go even if it a short period. And AJ's secert that she's straight, it got me thinking back the last chapter when Spike was on top of her she could secertly want Spike to do her but that's my crazy little head canon.
Also the breefing fields is just what I expected, from a small sexist barbarian tribe, and it sucks that Soarin got capture just to be used as a tool for breeding, hope Spike and Rarity saves them and the other two pegisi.
I hope you continue this story so much have been put into this, it be a waste just to end it. Abd the criticisms bout Spike I can understand where they coming from, but from the story point Spike is more afraid of himself than the last two serious confrontations. In the end Spike screws over himself harder than any character in this story.
I'm being honest I wasn't very pleased whit how spike was something like a ragdoll
But that stoped in the very moment that some of his background was revealed.
This story is great .
I'm glad you posted this early because the extra characterization really helps take the sting out of the initial encounter between AJ and Spike. It's clearer now she's doing this out of duty, not willingness. And slightly amusing to learn she think there's something wrong with her for being straight.
And I forgot to mention it last chapter, but RD hurting herself trying to attack AJ was pretty funny.
I can rescue her because we have Advanced weaponry, Hello!
Called it!!! Applejack's straight as an arrow!! Now I wonder if there could be a time when Applejack and Spike join up...
Okay. I haven't been saying much because I haven't had much reason. I have been reading this story from the beginning, and I'm one of the readers who don't want this to end unfinished. While I think I get what some of the people are complaining about, I don't really agree with them (I could go into it more, but not now). The story and the characters have been entertaining, and I want to see where it's going. Please, keep to what you have in mind and continue this story. Good or bad, I am extremely invested in it and want to know what happens. And while the complainers -- which, considering the upvote/downvote ration, are likely a minority -- may supposedly be tired of seeing Spike treated roughly, I am tired of seeing stories I really like go unfinished. I want to finish this, see how it end, and continue to learn more about the aspects of theses characters' personalities.
So, please, keep working on this, and as you have planned.
So after reading the newest chapter I'm going to have to level a final thought on it which may or may not remain final depending on if it's cancelled or not.
There's a premise in storytelling known as a show of overbearing power/uncontrollable power it's a trope that's been in stories for a very long time and summed up perfectly by Superman in his famous world of cardboard speech where he breaks a seemingly unbreakable badguy because he doesn't have to restrain himself.
The problem with this trope is a matter of making the audience believe your character is in fact superman in a sense. As you're taking established characters from another story and making your own spin on them you are thereby burdened with backing up what you're saying.
So far all we've seen of spike is That he can do what all dragons can besides using the 'Stud' form as I'm calling it. Since you yourself said all dragons can change from anthro to massive killing machines with wings at will.
This makes Spike look a little bit like he's just being a bitch about some mean unicorns who did science on him that he may or may not have murdered the heck out of, Because again all we have on this is what you've said.
Show, don't tell is the essence of most of these criticisms leveraged at spike's unwillingness to be anything other than a doormat. Because it makes Velvet look like she's right if she's meant to be a villian, as his inaction just keeps making things worse.
So the main problem is the fact you've given us a lot of undeserved protag angst about having the godlike powers of superman with no proof he isn't as full of shit as booster gold.
In closing, where's the proof? If all he's done is Dragon standard then he's being a wimp. If it's not show us why he's so damned scared of himself so we can stop thinking you're just picking on him for being the odd guy out.
If you want to write, do it, regardless of what others say.
So, Applejack is straight in a culture of lesbians that I SERIOUSLY doubt would accept that.
honestly in the context of this story spike needs to take a few beatings, he needs to suffer because it makes him appear fragile which makes it all the more satisfying when he actually does succeed; as well as contrasting with his closeted psychotic tendencies from years of mental abuse. I wrote 'journey of the noble dragons' and people give me sh*t all the time for making spike a bit cold towards the mane six, but that's just my interpretation and the same reasoning applies here. you're still getting favs, you're still getting likes, you're still getting follows and you keep ending up on the featured page so therefore this story is one of the best ones written as of recent times. If people are whining about how spike is used as a doormat then just ignore it, this is your story and you choose how to interpret the character; plus two key aspects of any good character is conflict and flaws, spike has an inner conflicted with the sins of his past and the ponies who acted as a catacylist, and flaws in that he refuses to fight under any circumstances lest he succumb to his primal instincts, if this spike was the equilvalent of chuck norris then the story would be boring and most of the focus would be on the smut as opposed to the deep plot. In all honesty I'd rather have a fully developed three-dimensional spike who is stomped on by everypony as opposed to a two-dimensional spike who beats the crap out of everypony and gets all the mares.
TL:DR forget the critics, it's your fanfic, your AU, your version of spike, you do you because it's working and working very well
Ok so I've been reading your story for awhile, and this is my 1st time commenting on this story... Really 1st time responding/reviewing any fimfic story, but I digress. Anyways, Please... PLEASE do not end this story because of a few dicks want you to change something. Because it would be a great crime for you to stop this story.
Now is this the greatest story of all time: No. Is it the worse: Hell no. And if anybody makes that claim about this story can go fuck themselves, because even though it's a little rough, the overall writing quality outshines that.
I'll get back to the quality of the story in a sec, but 1st talking about these haters.... Here's the thing man (im assuming your a man, correct me if im wrong). Why should you give fuck about someone's online opinion. Because in all honesty it doesn't matter. They can write as many hate comments about your story as much as they want to, but they cant do shit about it. They have no control over your story. You do. And if they're going to make a big fuss about it then just tell them to write their own fucking story. You put aside your own personal time and energy to make this gorgeous baby and no one else is going to tell you how to raise your fucking baby. You got a plan (hopefully). You got the vision. Go for it.
Now when it comes to constructive criticism that's a different story. Or well I would like to believe so. Anyway you can still ignore it if you want to but if someone brings up a good point or at least explains it in a half decent way (i.e. not being a complete dick like several of your commenters are being) then you should address it in some fashion. Either by responding to their comment or altering your story; it's again your call.
So far I've not had a lot of a problems with your story. The writings a little rough and I dislike the portrayal of Rainbow dash, because she appears to be a complete fucking idiot. Now the reason I dislike RD isn't because I think your a horrible writer but compared to all your other main? characters (Rarity, Spike, and now Applejack) she's just a joke character. I mean you've got this very interesting set up with Spike and his backstory/inner demons, Rarity and her slow blossoming feelings for Spike coming about, and recently Applejack being revealed to be straight is all fairly interesting. So it's kind of disappointing to have one of the main characters be so 2 dimensional.
Now am I going to quit your story or tell you how much of a shitty writer you are for not changing RD into a more "credible" character. No. I'm not going to waste your time or my time with all that stupid shit. Again do what you want to do. I've no idea where your going with this story, and you might have a far better idea of how to use Rainbow in the story then I could ever come up with. Idk and idc. Just do what you want.
If you do quit this story; please tell us. And I'll respect your wishes. Have a good day.
First of all great chapter we got to learn about AJ past.
I hope you continue on with this story. I know it's fair that you constantly get complaining how you writing Spike in your story, but I believe you doing a good job. This story is very different from the usual Spike story we get on this site, and that a good thing to me and hopefully to other people. To me if other people are still complaining I think they should read a different spike story, this is your story and most people like how you are writing it. I hope you continue the story.
I think the story is amazing so far. Just because he isn't immediately "winning" fights is a stupid reason to not enjoy this story. The whole point of enjoying a story like this should be the character growth, and with how this chapter just showed that spike has either A: Gotten passed the memories haunting him and is going to actually try to fight, or B: He's snapped and is going to show regret for trying to fight, or hurting someone. This makes me wanna read, even more, to find out what's gonna happen to the CHARACTERS, not because I wanna read about someone just getting beat up. There's nothing to enjoy in that. So I say all the people giving you Flak for not having Spike become some kinda OP Dragon God can shove it, and you should continue to write how you ENJOY Writing.
I hope these words helped, Have a moustache!
9299733
I hear what you're saying. And I was hesitant to even post that author note. I was just in a little bit of a bad headspace.
I didn't mean to discredit any complaints and all the criticism is valid. If that's how I came off I am truly sorry. It wasnt my intention.
All I can say is that I do hope you enjoyed the chapter, and I hope you stick around a little longer.
If not then I understand, and thanks for your time.
?! People actually want that from this story?
*shrug*, my standards are just too high for liking a story that doesn't have a main character that curb stomps his way through things.
Interesting... why is she trying to stop him, if he went after Rarity it's more likely that he would snap and kill someone which seems to be what she wants... how curious
I just realized that Spike is a lot like Gohan during the Cell arc in Dragon Ball Z/DBZ abriged
Interesting, the ones who went after Rainbow certinly didn't know how to fight
I hope you decide to continue this story, i find it interesting and would enjoy seeing how things go from here
Like I said, that book was a journal that tells about Applejack's past and her interest that is technically blasphemy among the Amazons. She wasn't scared by the stallions in the breeding fields, she felt sympathy for them and saw how sad they were, she even made a few friends amongst the stallions which were more like a family than her people, she didn't feel a rush when she kissed a mare which was strange to her. But when Soarin' came in, she befriended him and kissed him later on and then the rush occurred. She wasn't like the others and for the first time for her, she was in love with a stallion.
But now, Spike allowed the ghosts of his past to take full control of him to find the Amazon Camp, kill them all and bring Rarity back. He basically became Dark Spike, he doesn't reason, he doesn't worry and he shows no mercy. A pure embodiment of his dark past...but would there be a light in the shadows?
Shame you have been thinking about canning this. This has been quite interesting. And about the complaints, its dull to always have a MC that always wins or always blow away any confrontation. The struggle of getting to the point of Ultra-Mega-MC is what makes them interesting. If they are batting home-runs right out of the gate its boring as hell. Let fate/nature/villians kick MC's in the teeth. It makes the come back victory all the better.
I think you mean may have had wings?
And like that I think the Amazon are buck in every way for the next two years and onward.
This story is great don’t stop it.
First off
9299488 This
Second off, GREAT CHAPTER!
All I'm asking is could you please continue the story it is amazing
Oh PLEASE don't can the story.
9299585
I absolutely agree. I came into this story expecting something along the lines of a slice of life-ish weird romance, and the elements are certainly there in the first few chapters. What I got after that is just as good I think. All it'd need to be perfect is to give Spike a small win of some sorts a little more often so he isn't being walked over all the time. I'm suspecting a can of whoopass is coming the amazon's way soon, so I'm looking forward to that.
And the complete breakdown that will follow after Spike realizes that he had lost control.
9299874 The complaints aren't that Spike is not winning everything instantly, but that he's got the complete opposite going for him: Save for the army he scared off early on, everything that happens to Spike seems to be walking all over him like he's a well-worn carpet. Struggling hero is good, but throw him a bone once in a while or people will think there's no "come back victory" at the end. Because why would there be, if everything he's facing is kicking his teeth in and he never seems to improve? Even a little bit of payoff earlier would have been all that's needed, like not getting completely knocked out by Burnt Oak immediately and actually trying to defend himself in his smaller form, which wouldn't be enough and you'd have Rarity saving him.
I know that he's afraid of letting loose because of his bloodthirsty origins as an experimental killing machine, and that's the prime reason why he's a pacifist. I'm suspecting Spike will go ballistic on the camp, probably kill most of the other amazons because they'll be the first to get in his way, Applejack will almost die, and Rarity will end up talking him down from his fury. As I said, I'm looking forward to the conclusion.
dude this isan amazing story I think its pretty good please don't stop its worth continueing, its rather interesting to give it a try
9299585
A stellar idea. I hadn't thought about that.
Changed the tags up a little and added a warning in the description about possible dragon beat downs.
Thank you.
i never comment on most stories i follow, just read the chapter and move on. I’m only here cuz of the AN so i’ll say this
I really like this story
I'm going to say this before anything else, this is a great story.
But I think you fell into the TV Amazon trop. Amazons did marry men, they where just really picky on who they marred.
I'm not saying they didn't think men were liars, cause a lot of men liked to bullshit and the Amazons like to call them out on it. But when a man can prove they're worth to them he was marred to one or more of them to get stronger children be it male or female.
And they raised both until the age of 12 where the boy be trained to be Warriors by they're fathers and the girls to be Amazons by they're mothers.
As to the Amazons it was never right for women to hide like children while the men fight, for women can be just as a Warrior as any man.
Anyways that's all I have to say on that, this is your story do how you like it, not mine or anyone else, make a story that you want to read.
And believe it or not that's how published writers do it. As friend of mine said. "Write a story that you would read, cause if you can't read it why would anyone else want to."
My concerns for this story has basicly been.. Spike is a doormat, every Princess he meets reverse kidnaps themselves into his clutches, and more or less abuse him, maybe not physicly, even tho they have all attacked and hurt him, if not nearly kill him, each time, and I can't remember a single time that one of them apologized, or THANKED him for his help...taking him for granted. And so far, all I've seen is that, if it isn't an army that he can scare off, or wimps like the pegasi 'army', then he will lose because he refuses to fight back because....he killed a couple ponies who abused him tremendously? Now it seems he'll finally kick some ass and take some names....and after it he's prolly gonna BSOD about it, and go back to the doormat, each princess will attack/nearly kill him every time they first meet, and of them, Fluttershy is likely the only one who will treat him kindly, or even not punch him at all...but every fight other than this upcoming one with the amazons, will likely result in him needing saving... And of course lets not forget that Rainbow is currently dying, yes, dying. She was hit hard enough that she started coughing up blood, which means that she has internal bleeding, and will prolly be dead by the time they get back to the castle...or not, cause this is magic pony land AU. But that is why I'm dropping it, because basic Spike is a doormat that everyone takes for granted until he nearly gets killed because he refuses to fight back.. So aside from being a darker storyline from the show....well, it doesn't seem that different
And it's sad, for a while there I thought he'd actually win against AJ...until she assumed she was gonna get raped and he let go of her..... That said, don't stop writing just because some of us don't like how Spike is being treated, others seem to like this story, so keep writing for them, I just wanted to let you know WHY I wanted to get off the train, when I had been enjoying it till the last couple chapters.
TL,DR I am not gonna watch it anymore cause I can't get over the fact that Spike is a doormat....unless he hasta be a murder machine to keep the Princesses around.....that he honestly wanted to get rid of when he first met them but couldn't because he was a doormat.
OH man you HAVE to keep going with this story. You have done such a great job with it. If people want to read a OP Gary Sue Spike there are countless stories like that out there. This one has SO much character to it. The first time I felt Spike was a doormat you address WHY that was happening and it added so much to the story I never questioned it again because it all made senses. You had Rarity develop as a character from her new experiences and situation and she has started to be less of a brat and even more of a caring and kind person. We are seeing the characters grow and evolve as the story goes on and that is a amazing thing to see since most stories tend to have the characters be one note for the whole thing. I like how you are handling AJ as well. I was hoping you wouldn't make her like makes since I honestly liked her with this Dash. But the way you did the journal to give some real depth into her mind and feelings, and for HER culture she is going through alot of the same struggles and issues that someone finding out they are homosexual would go through. It makes me feel more for her instead now.
9300108
You seem to misunderstand the reason why spike is going on this Rampage because he wants to keep Rarity it's because she's part of his hoard there's a reason you don't steal from a dragon's hoard it usually means death. And it doesn't matter if he likes her or not that's what I'm getting at she's part of his hoard whether he likes or not is not the point he holds value to her and he made her a promise spike is many things but a liar and a promise-breaker he is not.