The lost origins of Equestrian pop music

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The lost origins of Equestrian pop music

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Bursting into random pop music songs has been an Equestrian tradition since the dawn of time, or maybe not...I mean somepony must have started the tradition right? Or maybe not somepony...Some siren! Who knows where she and her sisters got the idea from?

Warning: this story contains references to Greek mythology.

Chapters (2)

A dangerous idea · 26th Aug 2018 · 3,743 words
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A gift to remember us by · 2nd Sep 2018 · 4,425 words
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Crystal Aura

Crystal Aura #1 · Aug 26th, 2018 · · · A dangerous idea ·

Did I tell you how much I love Greek Mythology?!?! I'm in love with it ever since Rick Riodan's Percy Jackson came into my hands & I started reading it! Well there was very little Mythology & I was very disappointed by that Anyway there were a few typos which you need to correct. I can point them out if you want! xxxx

narutoponies

narutoponies #2 · Aug 26th, 2018 · · · A dangerous idea ·

“Okay, I believe we are ready”. Adagio exclaimed, when she thought that Sonata had enough rest.

end marks go inside of the quotation marks like, "Okay, I believe we are ready." Other than that, good story!

Crystal Aura

Crystal Aura #3 · Aug 26th, 2018 · · · A dangerous idea ·

Western Equestria, 1500 years ago.

It’ll be better if you make this text a bit big & bold. Probably also use a bit of italics....

That morning, when the rosters first shrieked, the farmers of the small rural village of Trottingham woke up like every other day with a smile upon their faces and eager to get to work the fields.

Did you mean roosters instead of rosters?

You see, dear readers, back in the day Equstrian families were numerous, so everypony had to do their own part in order to feed their fillies and foals. Slacking off was not really an option, not even for the little ones who were brought out in the fresh country air to learn what farming meant since their first years of life.

It’s Equestrian, not Equstrian

So off they went, each one carrying their wagons, hoping to fill them with hay and oats by down. Little did they know that evening nopony would come back home.

Needs a comma after the word evening

“Remember me when your birthday is, Adagio”. Aria asked in response, leaving her fellow siren quite surprised.

Remember should be remind

“I'm surprised that you haven't notice it, yet. Our group is missing somebody”. Hearing those words, the older siren quickly turned around and began to move her head, as if she were looking for someone.

Tense change : noticed instead of notice

“Well, why don't you go looking for then?”.

The word ‘her’ should be included after the word ‘for’

All of these details remained for centuries unknown to ponies who later gave the area the name of Luna Bay. The reason for such thing was that on one hoof the three tribes of equines who moved to Equestria came much later than when the Sirens had arrived in those regions; on the other, as we said before, the ones who ventured into those waters met their doom. However, some ponies decided to build their villages close to the edge of that cursed place, thinking that as long as they left it in piece, whatever lurked in the sea, would leave them be. Unfortunately they were wrong.

You must’ve meant peace instead of piece

“Greetings, ponies of Throttingam!”. The golden sea creature exclaimed, before she and her sisters started their show. “We are the sires. My sisters and I have come from far away to visit the wonderful land of Equestria, seeking fame and glory. Our journey has brought us to your cosy town and we wish to grant you the same gift as all the other ponies we have come across during our travel. Prepare, folks, and behold the spectacle of a lifetime. We guarantee that afterwards you will be so in love with the sound of our voices that you'll be begging for more and more!”.

Throttingham should be Trottingham. Maybe you meant sirens instead of sires.

Their melody was indeed beautiful, the most beautiful the ponies of Throttingam had ever heard; what the villagers didn't know though is that it was also a dark, powerful means of incantation.

Throttingham mistake again.

Suddenly village ponies' eyes began to shine in a deep grin color and their minds slowly began to break. Soon they would be completely consumed by the sirens' evil magic and their will would be forever at the sisters' command: that was the gift Adagio had mentioned. The worst part of it all was that they could do nothing in their defense. The moment those mares and stallions had first hard the sirens' voices they fell under their spell, against which nothing could stand. Exactly as the oldest of the sea creatures had said, the more the inhabitants of Trottingham heard of that enchanting singing, the more they wanted, the more they demanded.

Grin should be changed to green.

Without warning a stallion launched at the fellow next to him who responded with a powerful kick. Other two ponies soon joined the riot, then others and so on, until the market square became a real battle field.

A comma needs to be placed after the word warning.

I’ll keep checking out for others!

Crystal Aura

Crystal Aura #4 · Sep 2nd, 2018 · · · A gift to remember us by ·

Liked the story, but there were typos. Seems like you wanted to finish & didn't revise before publishing. Anyway,
I'll be glad to point out the typos if you want me to! xxxx

Comment posted by sunsetsjournal deleted Sep 2nd, 2018

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