Pinkie Pie's "Happy 200th Day of Grand Reopening of Twilight's Friendship School" party had just been ruined by a party pooper! And 8 ponies with each having their own vantage point of the party, must find out who this party pooper is, before he or she gets away with it.
Inspired by the movie "Vantage Point", so decided to make it MLP style! Hope you enjoy!
Pony's POV's (Each POV will be released after the pony before his or hers are finished):
1. Twilight Sparkle
2. Scootaloo
3. Sandbar
4. Lyra Heartstrings
5.
6.
7.
8.
Chapters (3)
This is an interesting beginning—I’m familiar with the film you based this on, so I’m curious how are you going to recreate this idea. The chapter was a little too short for me to decide if the characters were portrayed well, but I think I can already say none of them seemed out of character. The pacing was a little faster that it probably should, with you using a lot of dialogues as compared to the amount of description. Also, be aware that you oftentimes repeat information that was already conveyed to the reader, making these parts quite redundant, heavy in telling and maybe even annoying to some. As for grammar, it was pretty solid, with some random slip-ups here and there and also the recurring issue of you switching back and forth between past and present tense—so, watch out for that and also try to get a second pair of eyes to check the story. Still, given this is your first story, it was pretty good! I think I’ll read on to the next chapters
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Ah, thank you very much! I can see what you mean by how short this chapter is, but like I said in my notes, it'll get longer every chapter, cause for some reason, that's what the directors of the original Vantage Point movie did for every POV. Also, thanks for reminding me about the search for an editor! I'll definitely be doing that on my next story! But, of course, this IS my first story, as you have told, so it will still have its flaws.
Other than that, again, thank you very much for reading my story!
Hope you'll enjoy the next few chapters! I'll come back out of hiatus real soon!
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You are welcome!
Glad to hear that
Also, thank you for the follow!
Hmm... based on the description of colours and such of this mysterious assailant, I think I already who this pony is... as long as it’s a canon character, of course. I don’t want to spoil it for others, though
Funny thing is, I haven’t actually seen the episode she appeared in.
I think you are making the guessing too easy, repeating and highlighting this to make sure everyone will notice
As long as you don’t have some sort of plot twist coming up, this does not seem like a good strategy to keep the mystery a mystery.
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The hints are getting a bit too obvious to the readers, so I’m guessing my past self was going for the characters gathering up the clues with everypony else... So, yeah...
To be fair, I had written this part months ago, and right now, even I’m confused at what my past self was thinking