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This story is a sequel to A Lapse of Reason
After a troublesome Wonderbolts reunion, Fleetfoot returns home to demand some stress relief.
But sometimes what we want isn't always what we need.
Inspired by Sunset by P-Berry.
Edited by PeerImagination.
Original art by RenoKim.
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1,118 users online
1,911,976 hits today, 2,205,040 yesterday
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But, wasn't this story incomplete just a few hours ago?
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Made a mistake. It's a quick and simple one-shot.
Enjoy!
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Amy favorite Wonderbolt!
Hey, that’s pretty good.
Probably should have left this a long time ago, but I loved this story.
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Yeet.
Flash Sentry?
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/023/759/257.jpg
This is great. I loved it.
Excellent story, only slightly ruined by the stale ass Flash Sentry joke. Let's leave that in 2015 eh?
Keep on keeping on friend
That was real sweet, I'd love to read more stories like this! Well done!
What a beautiful romance story told in a fantastic way. I was grinning ear to ear by the end of it. Well done Freglz, well done.
Now this, this is how you do romance right here, this is how you do it in one of those ways that keeps your attention until the very end.
Oof! Fucking glorious work well done, man, well done! You earned a follow.
Nicely done.
This is just so bloody cute, I need an extra dose of Insulin, stat!
You don't see many stories from the ponies perspective I like it
How old is she, other than "at least 20"?
This is legitimately one of the best stories I've ever read. Bravo, good sir.
I loved this! Very cute, very sweet, and I didn't see Flash Sentry coming at all.
Seriously why does this have less than two hundred likes?
Why is this not marked comedy?
Her inner monologue at the beginning had me in stitches...
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Here is your insulin
I've never seen a story on this site get "emotion" better. The pacing was perfect. You can almost feel the emotion radiating of the screen while reading.
I mean, wow. I still feel giddy just thinking about this story. It's that good.
Bravo. 👏
Thank you for posting.
It was nice to read from the pony's point of view for once. I was not expecting Flash Sentry to be the douche. I'm pretty much indifferent about him; I never really got whole meme of everybody hating on him. Thought the revelation was amusing, though.
You are a wonderfully talented writer. This was a pleasure to read. Thank you!
I think my favorite aspect of this story, is how you managed to get us to care about the characters. Most stories that follow the cuddle-fic formula just feature a couple cardboard-cutout characters with no real thought put into them. Here, though, the characters have volume to them.
For a ten-thousand word story, it's extremely well-paced, and you did a great job stretching scenes out to just the right length.
Hope to read more from you in the future, man!
I like this. This is a good story.
-Ru
This hit me in the feelers, gods. Amazing story.
Damn. That... was really good.
I'm glad I found this hidden little gem.
This will really weather your withers.
That was beautiful!
This was actually really, really cute. I like how you chose to delve into the pony's POV and focus on the romance of their relationship instead.
Incredible normal-day-in-the-life there
This was a very nice story and I love how their relationship is portrayed. I'm now looking forward to reading on the events leading up to them being a couple.
This was excellent. I've long been a sucker for stories that dive deep into relationships and show two people being there for each other. You painted their relationship with color and depth, and it was a real treat to watch as he unraveled her anger with the precision that can only come from an intense level of familiarity and intimacy. Your character work is top-notch. Great work you've done here all around!
Dear author.
Hear's to say,you story is really enjoyable.Can I translate this story and its sequel into Chinese in order to get more people to know your story?
Surely I'll post the translation on Chinese MLP fan fiction web called Fimtale and attach your link as well as writers' name below.I promise they'll love your story just as how much I love it.
Thank you very much!
Now this was truly satisfying to read. The perfect amount of cuteness, seriousness, sweetness, and understanding. I can't begin to describe how enjoyable this was to read.
Bravo!
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I'd be honoured if you translated this story.
My only concern is that some of the prose might lose its effectiveness when it's translated. No two languages are the same, after all.
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Sincerely thanks for your allowance.
Of course some English words doesn't have exactly homologous words in Chinese.I'll try my best to meet the difference of these two languages and make sure our reader can,at least know the plot.However，this won't stop our readers from liking your story.😄
Yeah, this was worth reading. :) Gotta love that pickup line. I mean, it may be terrible, but it's great world-building.
This has to be the best intimate relationship portrayal I've ever read on this entire site. Well done!
Well, I finally got around to giving this its long-deserved read. It's been weeks, if not months since I last read anything, but I won't lie, this one had me captivated pretty early on. I suppose we've all been in Fleetfoot's (horse)shoes when it comes to having a day go from bad to worse, and your portrayal of just that was simply put spot-on. It felt relatable all throughout.
That said, what I liked to the point of noting down was your portrayal of her surroundings - describing the world to us, the readers, in a way that's interesting and pleasant to read, was and is something I struggle with, and you did an amazing job right here.
Now, to my main point... based on your description, I expected smut. Wholesome smut, but smut nonetheless. What you delivered was... something else entirely. There's a fragile balance between lewd, wholesome, and funny, and you managed to strike that balance almost perfectly. I gotta admit, I've always struggled with lewd stories that go beyond just "put peepee in vagoogoo", and this is one of the prime examples of what, in my opinion, not only human on pony-action, but wholesome, gentle lewd, is supposed to look like. The way the two interacted with each other on so many levels, both verbal and non-verbal was a joy to read, and it's been years (yes, years!) since I've read a human on pony story I enjoyed as much as this one. There was a story with Fluttershy and her human friend which I adored, but it seems to have disappeared, sadly.
Anyway, this... vibe you managed to hit with this story was exactly what I was going for with Sunset, and not only did you manage to capture just that vibe, but build on it; extend it to an entirely new level. Good show, my man. Good show!
On a side note...
I feel you there dude. I feel you.
Totally not gonna steal that for my next lewd pegasus story. No sir.Smooooth. I love it!
So uhh... I probably should criticize something, so uhh...
3/10 the story cut out just before the good stuff.
But nah, joking aside, I do think that this was the best possible moment to end the story. Smut itself is nice and all, but oftentimes the build-up to it is just so much more rewarding, so good job on capturing just that.
So once again, this really was a pleasure to read. Great job!
This was adorable and sweet.
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I can only agree with this.
I don't know how someone can write a human in Equestria fic without it feeling cliche.
> reads this
Ah. That's how.
... I feel that sentiment - "Zawsze, kurwa, coś."* Also, "Jak nie urok, to sraczka."** works just as well. ;-)
* "Always, fucking, something."
** "If not a curse, then diarrhea." - sometimes used in the alt. version "Jak nie urok, to przemarsz wojsk." (If not a curse, then a troop march.)
I just lost it at that! That was brilliant!!! :D
This was brilliant. The tsundere was palpable.
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Polish?
Glad I'm satisfying people's thrist for good, warm and authentic-feeling romance all around the world.
Okay, then.
The deeper into "A Lapse of Reason" I got, the surer I was that I'd have to return to re-read this bit. And I wasn't wrong.
After that story, this one reads very differently in some places. You get the benefit of hindsight, and find meaning where you didn't think to look before. That remark about "that day", or about his own world - they seem innocent enough, unless you know what is being mentioned. And those are just the obvious things; Fleet's "casual" attitude doesn't really strike you all that much when you read it the first time, but when you re-read it after "A Lapse..." it comes over as a huge warning sign that something is Decidedly Not Okay. His reactions to it make a lot more sense as well.
And, granted, some of the stuff is slightly off - but considering that, despite technically being a sequel to "A Lapse...", it was written first... it makes some sense. Could use a touch-up here and there, to bring the reactions more in-line with the "story proper" - it wouldn't lose too much exposition (what's there is fairly obscure anyway, and on purpose I expect), and it'd make it that much better for those that want to return here to really appreciate the story that is being told.
I played "Fallout 2" before I ever played the first game. It may sound weird, going in the reverse order - but, after all is said and done - I'm glad I did, because I had a very different appreciation of some of the plot points, locations, and characters. Knowing their fate allowed me glimpses of a very different nature - glimpses into the minds of the developers, because it was clear as day sometimes that they knew where they were headed long before they got there. I may be romanticising a bit (it was nearly two decades ago, after all), but that's how I remember it.
Coming back to this story evokes that same feeling, a bit. I saw, I got interested, and I read the "sequel"... and just had to come back here, to understand the story better.
And I'm glad I did, even if it could use some work.
Now, the only thing that would make this perfect somehow, would be a story about Brave and her inclusion... if it's even possible. I know I'm probably wanting for something catered to me, at this point, because even if I put on my rose-tinted glasses it still seems like a long shot... but the heart wants what it wants, and there's no arguing with it.
I guess what I really crave is more of these characters in play against each other, but I'd really like to see the old group make an appearance in a decidedly different context. ;-] Hell, maybe it'd work from her perspective...? All I know is that there was definitely something there, and playing with Philip's attitude towards herds of all things could be interesting.
Or hell, maybe I just like the idea of herds that much. But there's something to be said for stories about earning your Happy Ever After, and I feel that the characters would need to do a lot of earning all over again... :D
The story is excellently written, but . . .
I really, really don't like Fleets in this. I can't put my finger on it, but she rubs me the wrong way in the worst way.
Bad chemistry I suppose. I've worked just fine with people I've disliked a whole hell of a lot more, but I don't think I could bring myself to associate with her outside work, much less enjoy her company or be friends.