Being trapped in a land of talking ponies isn't so bad. Or it wouldn't be if Anon didn't have his heart broken the second before arriving. Now stuck here, he must live in Equestria, heartbroken. That is until the day he attends a wonderbolt show and meets someone who may just bring his love back without him knowing. The leader of the wonderbolts herself.
This is a HIE fic. If you do not like Human in Equestria fics, the main character being named Anon or the story being in 1st person, run. Just turn around, run away and don't look back
This is an Anon X Spitfire fic
Chapters (5)
Sounds promising. Watched.
41.media.tumblr.com/8db51427c4437f7178ce464f1df0004e/tumblr_nlcj39jkSg1u8ucxuo1_500.jpg
You Have Captured My Interest Once More.
This feels very rushed
Anything made made by my good friend Lox is an immediate FAVOURITE!
Wonder where this goes
6678030 Put the bow dow- put the arrow back in the qui- STOP PULLING THE STRIN-
OWWW!!!!!
6680768 Damn, you're a good sport, mate.
6680775 No, I'm good for sportING! Now if you don't mind, I have an arrow to yank out of my buttox! -Anon
6680792 38.media.tumblr.com/505dd2cd6cb8eda5cf1247cd396365f6/tumblr_njmuy4onIE1rrr564o1_500.gif
6680792 While you where gone, her friend tried to stop her...
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There are two issues I have with this chapter:
1) The idea of Spitfire seeing Fleetfoot as an inferior feels off, particularly considering that she admits that Fleet has her back.
2) Dramatic backstories are good. Laying out the whole backstory in a single, giant, paragraph is not so good. You could have kept us, the readers, guessing about it for awhile. When Dash sees Anon down, Anon could have rebuffed her, keeping the emotions inside. This would lead the ever-loyal Dash to worry, but not enough to pry. This could be strung along for chapters, Anon letting little things out as things or situations remind him of his past. In the end, it is Spitfire (once they're at a comfortable point in their relationship) who he finally gives the whole story to. She could be his rock, so to speak, complete with the sorta-cliche "I will never hurt you" line.
Of course, that's just how I would have approached it. Now I'm curious to see the first Anon-Spitfire interaction.
6681455 The first point I understand. The second point is I want to have Anon have flashbacks through the story of his time with Cindy
6680867 Oh god damnit not her to!
This story is rushed. You can tell by just reading it. Stuff just happens to fast without any kind of pace or development. A rushed story is never good because it comes of as awkward to the reader.
6683134 I don't like starting comment wars. So instead I will take this information and learn from it to improve my later work.
Thank you!
6683223 Sorry if i offended you or anything. I was just trying to provide criticism, trying to point out flaws so that the owner of this fic could (if he wants to) use them to improve his writing in the later chapters to come.
Wait...is this really you Bottom mash? I though your mother told you no Computer for one month. :P
6683364 I'm not button anymore. I am,,,
The Stache!
6683364 I HIT THE DELETE BUTTON ON YOUR LAST COMMENT INSTEAD OF REPLY!
Why must the buttons be so close together -_-
6684871 Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Im going to tell sweetie belle.
6684993 ... Welp, I'm done for.
*Jumps out window*
*from below* WHY CAN I NEVER GET THIS RIGHT?! Oh hello there!
Anon: "Button... GET OFF ME!!!"
6685011 *Appears right next to Bottom and Anon in a suit and cane and hit both of you on the head with it.
I say, such in-mature behaviors are completely unacceptable. What would miss Sweetie think of you if she ever sees you like this? In fact here she comes. *i stated in a British accent.
6685053
6685011 *in a Morgan freeman voice* And that was the day a new friendship bloomed
6690648 ROLE THE CREDITS!!! *Ending credit song "My little pony...
*Bronies all over the world watching this episode are watching the end credits with wide eyes and slack jaws.
*One of the calls out. "Best episode EVER!!!" *instant fan art and fan fiction writing.
Interesting story since there hasn't been a lot of Human x Spitfire like I only read about a few of them stories. I would like to see more than five chapters maybe some of them 2000 or more words. Anyways keep it up with more chapters and more characters.
This is pretty good but
Its actually considered to be second person and there is a tag for that that you should add,
Update soon plz
That´s new, and I like it.
hhhmm I just feel like I didn´t needed that part, since I like it if the unusual characters that would normaly not do it, have to fight for a relationship in a way, but this time I just don´t exactly know why he has that "special" interesst in her, if he don´t know her.
Okay now that I think about it, maybe he just starts to like the image that Rainbow Dash is giving him about her. However it sounded like he would start to like her already at first, at least for me.
Nice story, I hope there is more soon.
I hope it is really her, that is trying to get a relationship with him, not sure if that is right, but as far as I get to see it, it is usualy the Human that is trying to woo the Pony. Maybe I just take a look at exactly those storys.
This chapter felt short, could you try to write around 2000 - 2500 words? If I´m in the mood to read, 1000 - 2000 are not enough for me, and if I´m not exactly in the mood everything above 3000 is to much, so I ask for 2000 - 2500 words? Or just a chapter once in a while.
I have many chapters that I keep track of, but I get hardly an update, at least not enough for my reading habits.
It´s a nice chapter, and like I already said, this time I would actually like it if Spitfire would trying to find a special someone.
Not sure if I really want that, but if Spitfire and Fleetfoot are actually living together as roommates, than I would like it if Nobody "the Human", and Spitfire would end up in her bed totally drunk only sleeping, with no memories about the Night, they could wake up and well...
I think I could like that kind of comedy part in this story.
6841493
... I see your comment...
...and your idea...
...AND I LIKE IT!
cool chapter! I would like them a bit longer but eh, im fairly indifferent.
come on Fleet foot, that isn´t the first performence you ever had.
That´s a nice chapter, and I get the feeling it is going in the direction I suggested, the next chapter should be pretty funny
I like it that Spitfire is actually sort of nervous in this story, I like it if they don´t make one character be the tough one everytime. She is probably pretty normal too, maybe she is even just hiding her true self sometimes, you could see it that way.
Anway, I already know the Human isn´t perfect himself, but I have to reread the first chapters. Anyway, I hope this time it is a bit changed, and that the Human, or the main Char, isn´t the one that is comepletely overreacting, nervous, and kind of a wimp. That is why I like to see a nervous Spitfire. I would actually love to see her messing up here and there, because she is nervous.
I really hope you still want to do it a little bit like I suggested, you know the comedy scene that is supposed to happen after that drinking night.
The story is nearly a favourite.
6887291 Actually, I might as well clarify what I am doing with the Anon x Spitfire thing.
I'm tired of seeing the human start everything and be the one who has the feelings in the first place. So having spitfire be the shy one towards the human, despite her leader attitude, and adding that with anons past, makes it more... different than other stories that are Spitfire x HiE
And yes, as said in the authors note:
Drunken. Shenanigans. Will. Ensue.
Your idea was WAY to amazing to pass up!
Off to a good start. I'd suggest an editor to fix minor things, but overall, I like it! Want to see Spitfire get her crush. Interesting to see her emotionally vulnerable to the same things most folks wonder.
6898259 I'm glad to hear you are enjoying it. And I would love to find an editor but unfortunatly I haven't yet
love spitfire and human story and this 1 is amazing hope to see more chapters soon
More
Lel
TopLel
amazing!
Shouldn't " I " be " I'm "?
It was nice to have a new chapter, once I remembered which story this was, I was kind of happy, but I guess I expected Fleetfoot and Rainbow Dash to already see them in bed together with an hangover, maybe even no memorie of the evening, while Spifire should totally like that with her chrush on him.
7127301 Don't think I forgot about that. It's coming. Don't worry
Liking it, enjoying it so far.....take your pick
This is a good story and I'm looking forward to it's completion
hmmm.....
hmmmmmmm....
hmmmmmmmmmmm.......
spitfire being like this is a bit unusual, but still good!
more pls!!!
DAMMIT!!!!!!
MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
woot!
Um....
I don't think this is right
7218673 Thank you! I didnt see that!
7218674 You're welcome