rubypages1
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Colt.
The Doctor is male. He is a colt, not a filly.
This was way too rushed, there were several grammar and spelling errors, and you described Whooves as being a filly. A filly is a female foal, a colt is a male!
title is: Hourglass
synopsis:... his world turned upside down.
th08.deviantart.net/fs71/150/f/2012/136/f/d/pikachu_sees_what_you_did_there_by_atomicazure-d500nid.jpg
Jesus ChrCelestia damn it, he was a colt. It's also Dr. WhoovesWhen exactly was he a filly, again?
Sorry, everypony! This is my first complete fic, and I will fix the filly problems, and I know that it is rushed, but hey! I tried, and do tell the grammar and spelling mistakes.
1101815
Please tell me the mistakes!
I think it was good,Rushed yes but good. Hear have some Derpy.
Excellent story By the way.
1248638
Thanks so much!
Dear sweet Celestia, these are not comments, reviews or otherwise I'd expect from bronies, reviewing for good or bad. Yes, yes there are quite a few errors here. The story has an okay feel to it the flow is right. But you jump around too much. Next fic you write try to add some substance to the story, it seemed to start up telling a story, then it jumped to loneliness, and then to him being married and facing down a bully of a brother.
What you need to do is simply pace the story, give it some character developing content, you've got flow down, but you need to practice form a little, no one likes to read brick walls of text. Try to space it out, format it a little, and add pieces to help tell why things happened, where the animosity came from, why he was in an orphanage. What it was like there, how he came to be adopted, how he experienced each new thing. What is his take. Things of this nature, you want to ask yourself these kinds of questions when you are writing a story.
In general I thought this was a pretty good first attempt, it needs some work, Celestia knows practice is what makes good authors. I suggest giving it another whirl. Keep it up and continue to work at it. It's refreshing to see someone take to the quill and give it their all.
Give it some thought and try it out!
Signing off,
Shining Glory
1279559
Thank you so much!
First comment in a while... Anyway, very nice fic! I won't flame you about errors because I make plenty of them myself. I do support the idea of Dinky being the offspring of Derpy and the Doctor. You don't see a lot of fics with that. You have earned a like.
It was very cute story but I think you should've put some more effort to the details. At the beginning I was very curious because you came up with a very interesting idea of Doctor being adopted and all but it's a pity that you didn't focus more on this and quickly skipped that motive. Anyway it still was good! Keep up the good work!
Awww
I really needed a heartfelt story like this after reading one with a sad ending