Ophilia Melody is the Silencer; an Enforcer and assassin for the Melody Mafia Family. Vivian Scratch is VeeVee; a gang boss and ex-fiend. Their pasts are linked by love; their present, by violence. But have they changed too much to be together?
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Nice!
I'm glad Mel isn't good enough to get out of that mess undamaged, adds character and all that. :P
9534180
These two aren't superhuman or anything -- they are very much mortal. Even the legendary Silencer.
lmao there's now two fics i read that are named legacy
Legacy except with bigass tanks instead of lesbians.
9536290
HAH! But in this case, the word "legacy" holds a lot of importance in the story and it's messages. Without giving too many spoilers, I'll boil it down to a single question; what does "legacy" mean? What makes a legacy for each person?
9536390
legacy is what you leave behind, in the simplest of terms. i like to think that what you leave behind either defines you or, quite often, puts you in the best possible light.
i haven't read that far yet, but the first chapter has definitely piqued my interest. i'm a sucker for a story with solid world-building and an interesting plot, the criminology and forensics aspect only adds to it.
9536422
Ah, but can a legacy be inherited? What about a familial legacy? Is a legacy something you build up over a long period, or can it be something as simple as love? Or is a legacy just a broad term that encompasses all these things?
I hope to hear from you as the story progresses. I love bouncing back and fourth with my reader base.
9536427
i do like it when the author engages and responds to comments, too.
legacy is another one of those things that we humans with our traditions just accept as being there, and often it's hard to think deeply with all the useless information we process every day. legacy, maybe to define the term better, could be used broadly in this case if you define it in a technical manner. legacy can be defined as a tradition, expectation, or trait that is seen and commonly associated with a group or an individual.
there's nothing loving about legacy. families have been broken up over it, and the tendency of children wanting to escape their parent's or siblings' shadow makes legacy fragile and often entails pressure being put on the children to follow in the same way as the parents, making them inherit the family business. i assume Ophilia will eventually replace her father, but that is to be seen and i find it interesting considering that what i've read so far it seems her father isn't so much grooming her to replace him as using her as a weapon.
9536459
Hehehe. Who says a weapon can't be a ruler? Fear is a valuable weapon in itself.
But you hit the nail exactly on the head. That view on the concept of a legacy was precisely that idea on my mind when I wrote this story. A legacy is not always a good thing, and that's a fact people tend to forget.
My reaction during the entire chapter was: Ouch!
What? It hurt, didn't it? The massacre, the memories, the dialogue... they were painfully sweet, and that hurts me. A lot!
I'll shut up now.
P.S. Ophilia said that she served in a lot of countries. Does that mean we'd get flashbacks from them? Or was it just mentioned for the plot?
9546432
Oh no, you'll get plenty of flashbacks. Those chapters where it jumps to the past are sprinkled throughout the series.
And don't shut up. Pain and internal struggle was a hard theme in this chapter. I glad it got through.
9571416
Love it. Can't go wrong with 5.56
I've actually had this one in my read later list since its first or second chapter came out, but I was hesitant to read it because of the Tragedy and Suicide tag. After reading your Between Bassdrops and Bowstrings (which should totally have about 5 times as many likes as it does have, if not more) with how well you knew and clearly cared for the Ship, I knew you wouldn't do me dirty like that.
As I read each chapter, I wanted to comment on little things like, "Octavia is a human that you totally could have used, but I also understand that it's more fair to change her name too if you had to change Vinyl to Vivian.", or "I love how Tavi's and Vinyl's mob style is like their pony music styles." But your chapters were to addicting, so I had to selfishly hit next until there were no more next to read. It would be remiss (lul) of me not to mention how good of a writer you are and I am full confident that the ups and downs of this couple's life will be amazing. And as you delve more into each character's past I was wondering; did Mel ever have a desire/love for music like Octavia, or was that never allowed to flourish thanks to her tragic life?
Wall O Text I know.
9620041
Thanks you very much! I always appreciate comments from my fans -- be they constructive criticism or kind words -- but it's the latter that really keep me going. Legacy has been in a bit of a hiatus for my story Amorphous and my Bassdrops and Bowstrings editing overhaul, but I've also had troubles with the latest chapter's length; it is long but I don't want to split it up, because flashback chapters are always only just that: one chapter. Still, now that BBaB is edited completely, and Amorphous has a few chapters ready in advance, I'm golden to go back and finish the next chapter "Bloodhound."
Mel never actually developed any serious musical talent. I considered having her start to learn Violin, but shied away from it to give her character some variation. Instead, she does own a violin case, but exclusively for secreting away her weapons.
Okay, haven’t done a review in a very long time. So bear with me.
First off, I just want to give my biased ‘ol opinion on what you’ve got so far and I’ll get into a short little something on the pros and cons of what you’ve done. And I want to begin with that I like this story. You’ve kept the flair and personalities of the two that I’ve come to see in the general approved characterization of the OctaScratch part of the fandom. While I didn’t particularly like how it started (it felt uncomfortable reading a character I love doing something that seemed to go against her character, though I suppose I can’t really talk with a story of mine taking her to a similar profession), I liked the fleshing out that Vivian brought through the flashback and the like. I had been looking for something to continue my building of what I felt the duo of OctaScratch was, basically looking for another story to add to how I viewed their characters and this fit the bill. I look forward to what comes of this and the redemption of their humanity in the upcoming chapters, hopefully.
Now, to get my negatives out of the way. Something continuing from my personal bias is how the characters of Ophilia and Vivian are introduced. Both become likable and form into what we see as their usual characters, but it’s the introduction to both that ruffles my feathers. There’s a hard punch to the face of the stone cold Ophilia absolutely demolishing a dude. But later on you continue her character with having what I see as second thoughts. But you say later on she’s been doing it for over a decade, which to me seems like it shouldn’t be as much of a problem as it’s made to be. And the same applies to Vivian a little less, as her character changes abruptly over the flashbacks and somehow back. I understand the need to make them dinamic and such, but the back and forth between the initial way they stood out and the sudden back to they way they used to be is occasionally jarring.
As for the positives, well there’s a few. I gotta say the potential of this essentially being a kickass redemption love story intrigued me. I’d love to see each of them better each other and be all lovey dovey. And the all around way the description of the scene, dialogue, and way it plays out was also well executed. The world building has been set up pretty well, but I am more invested in how the two will turn out than how they used to be so I wouldn’t mind a slight improvement on the occasional flashback. And lastly, I’d like to say good job on creating a quality rendition of an OctaScratch story. With the show coming to an end, people have focused more on the new content than the classic ships so I’m glad someone is still providing an update to the ship.
Tl;dr
Work on the consistency of your characters and their characterization. You’re doing the OctaScratch ship promisingly, don’t let up.
9631788
Ah, those are some fair points. I'll say this; Vivian's flip-floppy personality is due to her drug usage and time in prison. She isn't entirely 'all there' anymore and it manifests as this kinda of duality in who she is and who she wants to be. It's not quite disassociative personality disorder, as she is still herself, but her emotions are dangerously fluid.
As for Ophilia and her troubles; her story will also be explained. Without giving spoilers, she suffers from PTSD, as presented in this chapter. The reasons are implied at the end; she was in the East during a time of war, training to kill. While there, some events happen that lead Ophilia to act the part and force herself to do terrible things for the greater good. Believe me, I've considered that. It'll be resolved.
OctaScratch is still my favorite ship, hands down. I love the pair and their dynamic so much. But I will warn you; this story is a tragic romance. The lifestyle these two live will only end in just that: tragedy. I won't spoil details, but don't expect a happy ending for them.
9631926
I see, well I look forward to the next chapters.
9632029
Glad to have you along for the ride.
Oh, shit! I come back to all this? Dope.
9690752
Haha! I'm glad you enjoyed. This story might be paused for a while, while I work on a sequel to another fic (likely after I finish the next chapter first,) but that's only temporary.
Alright, now that I'm caught up here we go, wall of text incoming.
Let's get the tl;dr out of the way: This story is incredibly good, I love it enough that I actually plugged it in a blog on my page which isn't something I do very often, only for stories I think have truly phenomenal potential.
Cons: First the negatives, and unlike some I actually don't feel like this story has very many. Technically speaking there are some misspellings that I could reasonably chalk up to autocorrect, I've had my share of those. Structurally the paragraphs are a little choppy, some could stand to be put together into a more coherent block while others should have been broken up into small chunks which would help with pacing the chapters. As for the story itself, you give a strong narrative but the world feels faded and immaterial at times because of the lack of description. You describe certain areas in detail but gloss over a lot of others, I get the feeling you're in a hurry to get the story moving and maybe miss some of the really good slow, small moments in time that could help characterise Viv and Ophilia.
Pros: This story is beautifully written in pretty much every other regard but the one I mentioned above. It's visceral, heart-wrenching, and excellently atmospheric. Both protagonists feel very real and fleshed out, and I've seen a few complaints that the characters aren't consistent but I feel like that's because the people reading them aren't giving nearly enough weight to Vivian and Ophilia as real people. If the characters were two-dimensional, then yes, the would be inconsistent, but real people are incredibly inconsistent.
Ophilia has two very strictly divided personas which you established wonderfully in the first chapter, there's her 'Business' persona that handles all the dirty work, the 'Real' Ophilia that still wants to be kind and good. Her expert conditioning allows her to don a mask that lets her become a remorseless killer, but the problem with masks is that eventually they have to come off, and you showed that expertly in the first chapter.
Vivian is a hot mess and I love her. She's an emotional shitstorm of self-destruction and romantic obsession and you put that on display with singular aplomb. Vivian loves Ophilia so much it nearly kills her and losing her even temporarily did the next best thing to driving her insane. The best part is that she's still insane, and you write it very effectively.
That's my two bits, hope it was worthwhile, and I hope to see more of this soon.
Cheers,
I-A-M
9735372
Thank you very much for this lovely input!
I'll work on being more descriptive in the future. I admit, that is a weakness of mine; I find myself missing opportunities to describe things in more detail. If you notice anything you think could be improved further, feel free to toss me a PM or leave a message here; I'm always accepting of constructive criticism, and will gleefully use it to make my story better for everyone involved.
9735611
I will definitely do so I feel like it’s relevant, I really do love this story though, it’s incredibly good and you should be proud of it.
9736080
Danke schön! Admittedly, I'm considering publishing this as an actual novel once it's done; shifting around names and appearances and such.
9736482
I encourage it. It’s essentially it’s own story anyway.
So that's why you humanized the names!
9786326
Oh, you don't know the half of it.