- Member Since 23rd May, 2013
- offline last seen Last Wednesday
dirty little secret
I tried so far… and got so hard… but in the end, it didn't even matter at all. (Direct Support)
dirty little secret
Joined 23rd May, 2013 ·
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Anatomically Correct Clopfics622 stories ·569 members
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Oh sweet Celestia that gets me right in the fetish.
8962226
I try.
Amazing!!! Now this is art.
8985451
^.^ It’s nice to be appreciated, even when writing pony smut.
That ending was so expected, but it was like a train in the sense that knowing it's coming doesn't reduce the impact of being hit by it.
Also, that chapter name is amazing. Very well done, very well done indeed.
8985583
Thanks ^.^
I’m glad I was able to foreshadow it properly.
As for the chapter title, I’m kind of wishing now that I’d used ‘entered the game’ instead of ‘joined the game’ (for the sake of the double meaning), but I guess it’s still alright.
That was very cute. Milfy being Milfy is always hot, and yeah, not much more to say beyond a fun little thing. Not sure how to feel about the whole, playing Momento'ing the plot, it was well done, they flowed well, it worked, but at the same time, kind of dragged down the mood and excitement of the cloppy fun a bit. Not a bad use or badly done, but doesn't feel like something that works very well in this particular genre. Still, fun little experiment.
Concept-wise, the story itself was pretty hot.
The writing format was an interesting experiment. Like the text version of a Quentin Tarantino movie. A good exercise, if a bit distracting.
I think this sort of thing would work better in the mystery genre rather than in a clopfic. My erection kept going up and down like the panties of an indecisive virgin.
8985990
Yeah, I probably won’t be going non-linear on many clopfics in the future ... but I like the way it turned out here.
8986036
Have you ever considered writing a Memento style clop story where you tell the story backwards and change it like that movie, cause this was a really interesting clop, and I am wondering if you can actually manage that? Start it off one way and go ending to beginning. To be honest I don't know how that could work for clop outside the mystery or thriller angle, but it would be pretty interesting. This was pretty hot outside of this question!
Make a second my friend
Really good fic.
8986188
Memento-style?
Not really... And that movie only works because it’s about time and memory.
If it were to be about sexyfuntimes instead, then the structure would just be a distraction ... I don’t see how it would contribute to a clopfic’s purpose at all.
Plus, telling it in reverse order would mean it would start with an orgasm and work its way into light foreplay and innuendo...? I don’t see how that would be very effective clopfic storytelling.
8986322
Only my Patreon supporters get to tell me what to do!
8986323
Thanks! ^.^ What was your favorite thing about it?
8986339
i may not be but it was dam good i say another please
is this the big gay?
8986351
Huh?
Well, um ... no.
It’s not even a small gay.
8986339
But one of the most unique clops ever
8986351
It's not gay when it's in a threeway! With a honey in the middle there's some leeway!
But no, there's no gay content in this story, it's just a threeway between Button, Button's Mom and Rumble.
A fine, smutty read. The shifting perspectives was an interesting idea that worked mostly; though also shifting the time-frame along with it took me out of the moment of certain sections when the action was heating up. Still, I get why that'd be preferred instead of having the perspective switch in time with the story's events; it avoids repetition of events and gives a peek at character outlooks on multiple events. Wonder how Button's mom might view Rumble in the future, should she end up giving her son a half-sibling by him?
It's that time again! Who's ready for my BS indept and noteworthy philosophical exstinstalism commentary! ( now if only I could spell lol
)
8986426
My
bodycomment section is ready!8986403
Heh, now that would make a fun little epilogue.
Especially if Rumble and Button were playing video games, and Button’s brother came in... Would Rumble figure out that the little guy is actually his son?
8986436
.
Yeah, it'd be pretty cute, and she might make some joking comments as they play about Rumble being so good at the game that he'd "unlocked a bonus character" for Button to play with later, which leaves the both of them oblivious; or perhaps Rumble asked his big bro where foals come from, and he's gotten wise to just how closely Button's new bro looks like him
The non-linear format isn't really something I'm used to in clopfics, or fanfics in general. But nevertheless, this was quite the story. I had The Aristocrats in mind as I was reading the first quarter of it.
Hmm... Can't say I'm a fan of the inconsistent narrative. I lost track of what was when too much and it took me out of the moment. Good idea overall, but it needs some reworking.
Rumble is getting a great deal out of this. He doesn't even have to do dad stuff.
8987013
8987107
Yeah ... it really takes some getting used to.
One idea is that it makes re-reading more pleasurable, since you’d then be able to piece things together as they’re happening...
8987174
You mean, besides the whole ‘getting to bang Button’s MILFy mom with basically no effort’ part?
8987008
That sounds less like Button and Lil Rumble banging mom and more like Button banging Lil Rumble.
8986339
Damn, I lack the funds to be bossy. May I at least suggest that, if Momento's style revolves around time (never saw it), it could be centered around Soarin's new faux time stopping fetish from Twilight's apology?
8987359
You really need to watch that movie. It’s very original, and kind of a masterpiece.
8987351
I was thinking more like a sibling to play with than a lover, but that was just an example of video game terms being thrown around to try and hint to Rumble's unwitting fatherhood that is, unless they grow up to join into the older siblings/parents' antics.
Well that was an interesting read
.
8988272
What was the most interesting part?
Why in the world is this chopped up so much. It really kills the mood. I know you're trying to do a thing here, but holy shit does the jumping around kill any kind of enjoyment. This could have been amazing too.
EDIT: I just saw the warning in the description... I should have read that befor trying to read this...
8987277
That's exactly what I meant
8986339
Everything, but specialy the fact that Rumble is going to be a father.
8988468
Heh, yeah ... that kind of explains it.
I’ve been studying too much literary fiction, and that’s leaking into my horsewords.
8988352
! That and adding Rumble in a threesome
.
How Button and Milano treated particular parts of their little escapade as of they were playing and actual video game
Well, I tried and it was okay. The biggest problem with writing the clop like that was the disjointed feeling it gave. It just felt like it would cut away just as the clop was starting to get me going. That aspect of this didn't really work for me.
That said, I feel that it's always good to experiment. It keeps things from going stale. And, the story did get featured so, obviously people enjoyed it.
8988873
I see, I see... so you want the rest of us to suffer?
You are a monster! You bring us glorious incest clop and then take it away the minute we start reading it!
Why do this!? 
8989030
Heh, yeah ... and you could always just read it in chronological order if you wanted. It wouldn’t be hard to rearrange the sections.
8989055
Trust me... Your suffering here is nothing compared to what I went through in, for example, the class ‘American Literature I: Origins to 1865’.
I’m taking a whole class just on Shakespeare next fall... Not really looking forward to that. Though it will definitely be better than Jonathan Edwards or Emerson.
I’m just passing on the abuse.
Damn, That was one good clopfic
8989116
Thanks! ^.^ What’s your favorite part?
8989117
Haha well I liked Rumbles reaction to 'the game' , That was pretty funny along with his curiosity too! For the sex, well all of it was entertaining
You know, I'm starting to get the feeling that this wasn't really Rumble's first time. I do wonder who his first mare/filly was. (Side note, that might be a pretty interesting prequel.)
Also, I do wonder what made Button Mash's mom decide to fuck her son in the first place. It seems implied that she just wanted to help him with his hormones, but if that were the case, why go all the way? Would not a simple talk about how masturbation would suffice? Then again, I think I can guess her ulterior motive. (This could be another prequel. I guess some prequels write themselves, or something.)
Also, as for your literature classes, I feel your pain. Why do teachers of artistic/entertainment subjects (writing, acting, music, painting, etc.) insist on only teaching this old crap, ignoring anything even remotely new? (I'm a trombone player, and I can say from experience that old music - typically at least four decades older than I am - represents 90% of what I play.)
8989249
Eh, it would be some fairly vanilla foalcon with Rumble and ... somepony else.
Again ... pretty
vanilla... Well, not really vanilla, but something that’s been done a million times already, shipping Button with his mom.Heh, to be fair, it isn’t all old stuff. Those particular classes are full of old stuff, but only because they’re about old stuff, so of course they are.
(And when studying to become a better writer, it is helpful to see the history of what has been done before, how trends have come and gone, and where your own writing fits in with the historical context ... not to mention that these old stories are all public domain and full of perfectly stealable ideas. I actually just won a screenwriting award with a short screenplay adapted from ‘Bartleby the Scrivener’ by Melville -- a story I wouldn’t have been aware of if it weren’t for these literature classes.)
And to be fair, in the course of getting a creative writing degree, I’ve also had classes focused on very modern, cutting-edge literature. In one of my classes, we couldn’t buy one of the assigned books at the beginning of the class because it was first published during the class period; we ended up studying a book that was only a couple weeks old. And several of my classes have focused primarily on authors who are still alive and publishing today. (Still ... some of those modern works can be a huge pain to read. *cough* *cough* The Cave by Jose Saramago *cough*.)
8989107
This is true, and I've actually already done that! I was simply speaking of the story as it's presented here.
As with many of the stories by you that I've read (barring the gay ones, cuz not my thing), I very much enjoyed this story. It had many of my fetishes, good, anatomically correct details and descriptions, and a rather nice depiction of a mare doing everything in her power to be bred and a colt indeed undoubtedly impregnating her. The staccato writing style wasn't something I loved, but wasn't a major detractor either; it worked fine.
But, one thing bothered me: that it is implied, to me at least, that she isn't going to tell Rumble that he possibly gave her a foal. I mean, that seems like she's just using him for his sperm without his knowledge or consent, and I find that morally wrong. He won't know he's a father, and all that comes with. At least she could tell him, and it'd be a no strings attached agreement or something. While some men would view this as a free pass, and as a man who one day wants to be a father and watch his child grow within his mate, I'd be quite mad if something like this happened to me.
Overall though, I can't say I didn't
cum to, twiceenjoy this story quite a lot. Don't stop doing what you do, you're quite good at it!8989940
I guess pretty much any story that writes itself would be rather vanilla.
I also guess writing education isn't as bad as music education in that regard. I'm just going to say "congratulations on having a (presumably) more enjoyable educational experience. You win the internet... or something."
8989954
Heh, yeah... A bit of my own personal prejudices leaking in there...
Might be able to tell that I view parenthood almost entirely as a burden to be avoided, not as a privilege to be sought.
Even so, I don’t think I’d say that he’s harmed by having a son he doesn’t know about. (Unless maybe he finds out later and is upset by it.) I’m sure he’ll have chances to sire more legitimate offspring later on in life, when he’s better prepared for it.