The Courier and Veronica end up in Equestria because the Big MT TransPortalponder and Pulse Mines don't mix. This is not my first time writing (in the literal sense), but it is my first time writing for FiMfiction. CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is appreciated. (An emphasis on constructive.)
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It's a bit rushed. But other than that, nice work.
Good job, I look forward to the next chapter
Good idea, it does seemed a bit rush. Plus what's the deal the paragraphs starting on the left in the beginning but move to the center in the middle. Choose one or the other, not both (It's confusing). I'll be watching.
P.S.I think you're right with the first fic with Veronica in it.
Edit: California? Last time I check, New Vegas was located in Nevada.
986983 I decided my Courier comes from California, and here's what Veronica says when you first recruit her a a companion. "Thanks for taking a chance on a naive young girl from California with stars in her eyes and a pneumatic gauntlet on her hand."
988652
Ah I see.
woo! staying up late has paid of once again
YAY! Now that I finished chapter 2, I can get some sleep!
hahaha, beaten to death with their own skull. I doth observed what thou hast performed here.
Way too fucking rushed. A few grammar errors. GOOD WORK! Faved.
Pretty sure Veronica doesn't swear. Like, at all.
1001848 Well, you're wrong. Bitch.
yes finally a story where the courier and someone else goes to equestria.
excellent story.
please continue
1014409 Thanks. I noticed a lack of companions accompanying the courier/lone wanderer, (Veronica was mentioned in Wayward Courier and Fawkes made (sadly) brief apperence in That Jerk.) so I chose my favorite companion (I wonder who?) and had her end up in Equestria along with the Courier.
Veronica is my favorite companion. my second is gannon
Beaten to death with their own skull? oh, I saw what you did there.
Story turning out great, the ending? Shits Strom is abrewin.
1021486 Murphy's Law: The universes way of saying 'fuck you'.
1021510 excuse me? Was that an insult or a joke? If it was a n insult, did I say something to offend? If I did, im sorry,
and can you please point out what I said? If joke, sorry I don't follow.
in all sense, your story is great, the last part on the ending was referring to Celestia capturing the courier and Veronica. Shits going down, as.in this can't end well.
1021549 It was a joke. he keeps thinking things can't get any worst than they already are. Then they get worst. You do know Murphy's Law, right?
1021565 Hey, at least there won't be any invasive medical examinations, right?
Rushed like a drowning survivor/gamer at the sound of the drowning theme for Sonic. Still not half bad. I'll wait for the next chapter before deciding to accept it.
1022865 "Before deciding to accept it." What? I'm confused.
1023114
Before fully accepting it in the Mojave Express.
1023744 IT WAS YOU, WASN'T IT?
1023776
I Plead the fifth.
1023937 TASTE THE HAMMER OF JUSTICE!
1015016
Hey, the only reason I didn't bring any companions over was that I didn't feel comfortable writing for them. They have personalities, and it's hard enough writing the for ponies.
Anyway, yeah, I have to agree, really rushed. I can understand the desire to get straight to the juicy bits, but sometimes dragging things out before getting to that point makes actually getting there so much sweeter. Take more time to flesh things out, make the characters feel alive.
Also, should I feel bad that my first thought about seeing Veronica in Equestria was "pony/woman lesbian sex"? Then I remembered that Veronica is still pretty torn up over Christine and wouldn't get involved in a relationship.
1054869 you live up to your profile pic.
988652 love that line.
1054869 I agree, and while I don't have any FIM stories, I do have experience with fanfics. Believe me when I say the LESS pregenerated characters to write for, the better (or at least easier.)
How is this extended? I haven't noticed any- WAIT!
The list? Oh SHIT!
You never saw me here. -PF
Stop extending and give us a new chapter damn it!
1351656 Working on it!
1351662 *cracks whip* Work faster! Or I shall unleash the fury of 1001 black and white Alpha deathclaws in power armor upon you!
1351668 I've got 2002 fat mines, 1001 nuka grenades, and Esther with 500 BK mini nukes.
1351675 Liberty Prime! Mothership Zeta! The Brotherhood of Steel! Fuck yeah!
1351694 Euclid's C-Finder! It's over China and ran out of fuel! Mojave chapter, Boomers, and NCR!
1351781 This might take a while. Lets move it to my user page so we don't continue to clutter your comments.
So the story is dead?
Damn!
1611627 No it isn't. I just got Mass Effect and Mass Effect 2. That's why I haven't written anything in 47 days.
1616609
Oh, that's good to know.
(Also, the series is awesome... if you consider ME3's ending non-canon.)
1616628 Which one?
1616630
All three.
Especially the "Reaper Instrumentality Project" ending.(AKA Merge Ending)
1616648 Well, technically there's 4.
1616660
Continue Reaper cycle is bullshit. You fought through two games just to be talked down by some little blue casper?
1616673 Oh yeah, that one! Then there are technically 5 endings.
1616680
Then what's the one you were talking about?
1616697 The "Fuck Da Reapers'' option. You don't always die.
1620953
What's the point? The Geth finally end their conflict with the Quarians. Then you killed them all just because that blue casper said it's impossible to destroy the Reapers without destroying all the other synthetics. Not to mention EDI also dies.