The 1'st Russian Bear Cavalry Unit gets attacked by ponies who attempt to turn the humans into ponies. They inject the serum into all the bears, but are killed. The bears then turn into Ursa Majors and are still loyal to the humans. They then go on a rampage, meet Theodore Roosevelt, and kill every pony on Earth.
Dear Humanity,
We regret being equine bastards
We regret coming to Earth
And we most definitely regret that the Corps just blew up our raggedy ass base!
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i283.photobucket.com/albums/kk297/Blondie-Wan/SpockWin.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1261097629530
The ponies now only have one hope.
colbertrally.com/wp-content/themes/colbertrally/images/colbert-rally-thumb.jpg
This is honestly the best response to Conversion Bureau I've seen, unless it's just your normal troll fic.
Umm... What just.... Happened?
meow
*favorited*
Le fuck? *just read the description*
As a guy who Hates Conversion Bureau, let me just say: WIN
1190619 Thanks I got inspiration from
A.) My utter hatred for 'The Conversion Bureau'
B.) That bear cavalry pic
C.) This: i.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/photoshop/0/3/1/125031_mobile.jpg?v=1
1190523
A.) What's that one hope? Converting Teddy Roosevelt? That would be like trying to fight a Grizzly with your fists, while wearing steaks as clothes.
B.) The is a response to 'The Conversion Bureau'. I didn't even think of it a a troll fic until sone people mentioned that.
1190731
Naw, Stephen Colbert! He's been campaigning against bears since he was a young child. How the ponies would get him on their side is beyond me, though. The only thing missing from this fic is an actual appearance by everyone's favorite alien killer himself: Sergeant MF Johnson. The MF stands for mother fucking.
Blarg! Blarg blarg blarg honk. (Blarg.)
I have read this I liked and all I can say is WTF?
1190740
A.) If Stephen Colbert so much as looked at Roosevelt, Colbert's body would burst into flames and explode.
B.) He was too busy annihilating everything in Fallout: Equestria with the help of Nikola Tesla.
1190695
I hate TCB so FUCKING MUCH.
I thank you my awesome sir for this work.
Time to see what Man really is capable.....
media.desura.com/images/groups/1/3/2055/yseOj.jpg
4.bp.blogspot.com/-vmT8M3UYBug/TprrbZ6JIcI/AAAAAAAAAIA/69s25oyAFfI/s1600/Warlock%2Btitans.jpg
....TCB really is a sad piece of shit.
XD So much win in this story
You deserve infinite spikes!
1190993 You probably shouldn't use a Warhammer 40,000 picture after saying "Time to see what Man really is capable....."
I will have you know that the Imperium of Man has actually regressed technologically, not to mention the massive pogroms, genocide, and torture that the Imperium commits everyday.
1191045
Were still kicking all the Xeno ass!! HOW DARE YOU INTERFERE WITH MY WORSHIPING OF THE AWESOMENESS OF THE HUMAN RACE YOU HEREIC!!!!
(At this point I hope you know that I'm "in character"..... and a huge 40k fan.)
The Imperium is a fascist, torturous, recessive shit hole, hell even the EMPEROR is horrified by it, due to how far they strayed from the Imperial Truth. The only reason he lets it exist is because he knows that without it man-kind would be obliterated.
But even with all their shit, they are still fighting everything else the galaxy.
They were able to rebuild after a Heresy that literally tore the Imperium in half.
They are literally fighting hell itself and four satanic GODS.
......
They are capable of some serious shit.
But even with all their crap, its still necessary, without the unity of the Imperial Creed mankind would have fallen over 10,000 years ago.
The Imperium is a necessary evil, without the Emperor it is the only hope left for man-kind.
And I love those Emprah lovin bastards to death.
P.S.
And they are MORE than capable of dealing with two fucking Alicorn's and a bunch of squishy marshmallow ponies.
*Sees you're part of TCB*
Oh now I see how it is.
Xeno lover.
dakkadakka.com/s/i/at/2008/12/23/44944e912757cef09e502e80a294a96d_9454.jpg__thumb
1190993 Uhhhhhhh...Where's that Super-Mecha-Death Christ 3000 Mk. 7?
1191073
Do not defile the God Machines by comparing them to a false God YOU HERETIC!!!!
(Warhammer 40k. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png )
I honestly have no idea what you were trying to do here, but it's hilarious in any case.
1191149 I had no idea either.
The only way that war can be remotely fair is if Roosevelt fought all alone with his non dominant arm tied behind his back, and the other one amputated.
1191283 Wait, how'd they amputate his arm? Isn't attempting that considered 'attempted suicide'?
i.imgur.com/DBrE5.gif
So much win.
Ah yes the ponies only weakness...
...BEARS (THUNDERRRRRRRR)
1192347 Also, Russians, guns, Russians with guns, bears, bears with guns, and Teddy Roosevelt.
I'm not sure what I just read, but it was great.
Okay, this ended too quickly
I... I just... I don't..... What were... What...
How did....... Who just...... What the........ I can't......
..............................................................................................................................................................
Liked
Faved
This story reaches that glorious level of stupid where it becomes inexplicably amazing.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Goddamn, I was laughing the whole way through. Then I read 'chumpkins' and was like...No, there's no fucking way somebody referenced Al after something like this. Then I was like 'holy goddamn shitfuck mcdoodlegibblets, they totally fucking did. AWESOME!' and then I wrote this comment.
CHUMPKINS, NOOOOOO-
*EXPLOSION*
Just realized the Alchestbreach reference after all this time.
God Bless, you MAGNIFICENT BASTARD.
I loved it! I can say I hate TCB stories just as much as you. I only ever read one, and it was a good one focused on humanity and not the ponies. But what I know of TCB in general I can tell it's utterly awful. This and that other one shot seem to be the only gems.
I was tempted to do a one-shot myself, basically like yours being humanity kicks ass, although in a more realistic, but just as OP, way.
I was going to do it... the Naval way!
Far from shore, a Pacific war! Bombs are falling from the skies! It's a bomb run day; it's the Naval way! A blood red sun is on the rise!
1191070
Compensating for something much? Seriously, I see at least six different weak points and how to exploit them all in under a second.
. . . I suppose the only real fix to the problem would be to get the Emperor up on his feet again. But what would be capable of restoring him, I wonder. . .
ROAD TRIP THROUGH THE MULTIVERSE, HOOOOO!!!
-Opens up a crackling green portal in the fabric of the Multiverse and hops through.-
2719175 if you wrote that, I would read the the Fuck out of it.
2739361 Well in that case when I'm through this annoying lazy spell and write it, I'll send you a link.
2739361 Whelp, here's that link.
A well placed, morphed quote is always approved by me!
This fic is SO AWESOME! The Emperor approves!
This is the greatest story in existence.
2950830
The beautiful words of Sergeant Johnson from halo.
I approve of this!
1190619 I was hoping for more...
I would make a "This is how we do ___ in russia" but I have no response in that form so all I can say is... what did I just read?!
2950830
That quote is 100% sgt. Johnson approved.
May 343 guilty spark burn in sentient robot hell.
PURGE THE XENO FILTH IN THE EMPRAHS NAME!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA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