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Twilight Sparkle is exhausted.
All day, she's been working her hooves down to the bone, tackling a never-ending stream of paperwork. She just wants to go back to her guest room, take a shower, and relax for the next couple of years.
After looking around, she opens the door to what she thinks is her bedroom, only to find Princess Celestia and Queen Novo....making out.
Things only go downhill from there.
Special thanks to Georg and BronyWriter for proofreading and editing.
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This was really good I liked it man.
Pretty good story. Fun and funny, a good combo.
But. Your quotation marks are all over the place. For example:
The end quotes are fine, but there are no beginning quotes. It took me half the paragraph to figure out it was dialog.
A fast pass for editing should clean all that up easily though.
Haven't read, but sounds hilarious.
Well, that was fun. Clean up those quotation marks and few typos, and you have yourself a winner.
That explaination makes sense, but what about the Griffons?
HippoGryphs are supposed to be the result of breeding between Ponies and Griffons.
Of course, considering how Griffons were, the likelyhood of such a union (If Gabby is a unique case of Griffonic temperment) would be nonexistant...
But still, would the birth of a hippogryph outside Mt. Aris cause some sort of weakening of the spell, or would such a creature die or be stillborn outside of some sort of magical or geological effect that Mt. Aris possess?
I'm just making these up off the top of my head, but if you or somepony else could answer these questions, that'd be swell.
...
...
.........
Hey Twilight, do you have a spare gum like yours I could borrow?
Pearl of Transformation...more like Philosopher's stone.
Sigh suddenly I feel like Novo and Sunass had a long talk about how to treat your subordinates.
They ACTUALLY told Twilight Sparkle of all ponies everything about this and let her get away with potentially spreading gossip with her friends?
Nice story. But fix your typos for Novo.
EDIT: Wait a minute, Novo is only 200 years old. Isn't Celly already an adult by then? Is over 50 considered an adult hippogriff? Did she just pull of a Hikaru Genji (The act of raising ones spouse)?
So the Pearl is the Reality Stone?
Gamma: This Is The Wrong Room.
So can we do a clop on these two?
8928815
*Thanos teleports in*
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Go for it.
8929516
Will someone fetch the Avengers, please?
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It might just be...
And as anyone who's played any video game involving an element of chance could tell Twilight, 89.74% is not 100%. Granted, missing in VATS is hardly as funny as what happened to Twilight as a result of catching that 10.26% chance of being wrong, but still
This was really cute! I love the descriptions that you give and the style of the narration. A few spacing issues and misspells aside, it's one of the better fics I've read on this site. Have a follow, man!
Just got finished reading this and boy it was really entertaining to read i really enjoyed it. P.S. keep up the good work! :D
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As a fellow gamer I can attest to the fact that 10% happens much more often than it should...
Not a bad story, but you need a proofreader to go through it. Lots of grammatical errors all over the place.
I'll never understand why some fanfic writers to slip in the show creator's name like this, I understand the joke, they made the world you're writing about so therefore they are a "god". But I read this one RWBY story, it wasn't terrible but it was just constantly Oum this and Oum that, and "By the power of Oum" like every third sentence, and even if the trope isn't so prevalent in the story (such as this one) it's basically like kicking you in the chest, screaming "THIS IS FANFICTION!" and sending you screaming into a bottomless pit of broken immersion.
As for the rest of the story however.
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I've reviewed this story HERE!
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I've seen fics that have Monty as a wandering scribe or something. Heck, there was even a Samurai Jack comic that I believe had a Mako tribute as a wandering scribe
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I personally have the Fausticorn be Luna and Celestia's mom
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I'm surprised it hasn't yet. If I can get a pretty well recieved story about Celestia masturbating with a phallic cake....
Lovely little story, and some interesting lore.
That's a really nice little piece of fluff :3 Thanks for writing it :D
Like... Executions?
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I suspect 50 is an adult for a Hippogriffs. For that not to be true, Hippogriffs would have to be pony elves.
And even among Elves, 50 is comparable to late adolescent at the most extreme, so its unlikely that Nova is considered "A child."
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Well the whole thing would have been chalked off as childhood crush...if it wasn't for the fact that Celestia is already at least 800 when she first met 10 year old Novo.
Imagine being already an adult and you have your friend grow up to be your bride right in front of you.
This was simply adorable. Now I want some more stories of Sunny Buns and Cuddlebird.
Not a bad headcanon story.
A cute story with some very interesting ideas I'd be open to seeing made canon!
Nice expansion on the story, with a lot there that should become canon. But Twilight really needs to learn that when it comes to respecting another pony's privacy, good enough for government work isn't NEARLY good enough.
Well, it went better than I thought it would...
So which one is worse?
Those are some brave and skilled maids, clearing out creepers without the place exploding.
Twilight.exe has stopped responding.
This was both sad and silly.
And also you provide a good explanation for why Novo blew a basket over Twilight's duplicity: good intentions or not, Twilight was trying to steal the magical equivalent of an atomic weapon.
Fudge.
This made me laugh. You might wanna look into an editor if you haven't already, though. Like others have said, there are a lot of loose quotation marks floating around.
That guard got the worst punishment ever he just doesn't exist except in the minds of 2 people who have him.
This was not a story I was expecting but I loved it.
Good story 😌