So remember when I was just suddenly in Equestria? Everything had gone to hell and I died from blood loss like half an hour after I got there? Yeah well, I'm alive again and in a different Equestria... and this one doesn't look too much better...
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Use your head.
What do you ALSO use buckets for?
. . .
Understand now?
Also, FIRST TO COMMENT ON THIS CHAPTER!
Now it is time for GUESSING!
Tell me if I am right, or close.
Obviously, Pinkie Pie is one of the two who escaped.
The other one is probably Rainbow Dash or Applejack.
Did I get it right?
Oh...
lol
I like the Harry Potter joke/reference
Also, why do I feel like this pig is probably green?
:3
If you get the reference, tell me.
. . .
I have a bad feeling about this...
You had to end it there. Anyway, this is really good. When is the next chapter?
8992681
Thanks!
And it'll most likely be out on Friday. I rotate my stories in order of The Ties that Bind, Those Left Behind, Advent of the Black Strain, and A Disparate Bond. Sparkle and now this story are next in the cycle after A Disparate Bond, as I'll be working on them both in the same day.
The reason I got this one out after the chapter I put out yesterday is because I knew yesterday's chapter was going to be a shorter one.
This story is heating up quick. I hope Salvator actually gets a chance to fix the universe he's in.
Can't wait to see what's next!
Interesting Twilight, the real Twilight, is having dreams of the guy, I wonder how it is so and I wonder if Discord Prime is aware of this.
I am guessing that the Pig, Napoleon is the supposed to be a reference from the book Animal Farm, who is the stand in for Stalin.
I wonder if you're going to do a FoA vers visit in the story, I don't think the guy will last very long if he encounter's Lil'pip.
8992892
Yes! Thank you for getting the reference! Now let's see if anyone can get the last one.
But yes I'm thinking about adding the FoE universe to the story.
I am honestly hoping that if FoE is included, it goes different to how the first Alternate Equus went, seeing as in canon, FoE has a happier ending, then some grimdarks.
Animal Farm Pigs. Two dead from the Mane-Six and Spike. Rarity status unknown. And the current objective is to survive the torture. But you are in a ship filled with slaves that probably outnumber the crew.....
All it takes is the right man at the wrong place to make all the difference in the world.
Doctor Freeman and Flash Gordon had the right idea...... So did Viktor Reznov.
Are you going to do maybe a TCB universe? I ask because I hate the TCB universe with its insane misanthropy and just plain stupidity.
Here's food for thought, Sal can just use the elements to break the spell Discord has over, of course not in this Equis but maybe in the next one.
Speaking of which how can Discord erase entire universes but he can't destroy the elements themselves, and how can he erase a universe that has the elements but he can't erase the elements?
To me the entire universe destruction plot is just dumb with enough plot holes to fill a universe, this fic would good enough without it and just an evil pretending to be good Discord messing with a random human for lolz, would be enough and each time the humans dies he just gets revived in a new grimdark Equis.
Yeah the stakes would be much lower, but when we get down to it not getting brutality killed is enough of a motivator.
8993029
I've never read any of the TCB fics honestly. Tried to awhile back, but I couldn't find the original story so I just said screw it.
8993035
How about this then? PM me a list of each and every plot hole you can think of and I'll either try to fill them, tell you why something is the way it is or isn't, or concede the point if I can't do either. It'll be an interesting challenge.
On your question regarding Discord and the Elements, why do you assume he can't destroy them? Maybe there's a Discord out there destroying universe for fun along with the Elements. Maybe he just decided killing one or more of the mane six would be enough. Maybe he just doesn't want to. Maybe he has any possible number of reasons. Maybe not all elements work the same way in very universe. Maybe some versions of Discord aren't as powerful as others. Maybe maybe maybe. There can be any number of reasons for events to play out the way they do. The thing about working on a multiversal scale is that it gives you a stupidly wide range of possibilities.
8993215
Well you see, most of these plot holes you can simply answer cause Discord, because why make sense.
As for Discord being stronger then the elements, im sure there can be a few universes where that is the case, but here were talking about a Discord who's supposedly reformed, meaning he followed the main cannon and was defeated by the elements twice now, and the elements kept him sealed for a millennia, so it's a natural conclusion that the elements are stronger them him, unless you again go the nonsense route and claim that Discord wanted to be stoned, cause random.
But if the elements are stronger, that means that they're could be stronger then him also in other universes.
Cause if there is an infinite amount of universes that are vastly different from one and other, that also means that there is infinite amount of universes that are similar.
In one universe the difference could be very noticeable, like everyone genders is reversed, in another it could be just the amount of sand on a random desert.
There's also the fact that Discord is destroying other Discords, who can be weaker, stronger or equal to him, and none of the are reacting to him randomly destroying universes.
To be honest, im just not to keen on Discord being this all powerful omnipotent being that can create and destroy all of existence on a whim but he can be bested by a random power of friendship made by an old unicorn and a few friends, here's a spoiler for last season finale.
8993270
You're right, I could use Discord as a scapegoat for everything, but just just because I could doesn't mean I will. As I said there are any number of reasons why an event can play out the way it does, and not all of them have to evolve around Discord and/or the Elements of Harmony.
And with your argument, your making assumptions about events within the story that haven't been revealed yet and about things I never said. Yes this Discord has the power to destroy universes, but I never said he was all powerful. I also never said he was reformed through canon means -- in fact I stated that the Equus this Discord belongs to was not Equestria Prime a.k.a canon Equestria.
You can sit here and poke holes in my story all day long, but the fact of the matter is that any plot hole you come up with will merely be an assumption until the story is officially complete because there's any number of explanations I could make for why some is or is not.
Thinking on this I've decided to retract the first part of my challenge because, like you said, the number of plot holes could fill an entire universe and to work through each and every one would derail the story I want to write. I can tell you like to think about what you read very critically, and while I respect that, I think it makes it difficult to enjoy a story like this because of that. I'm not going to try to convince you to like the story, and I have enjoyed the debate, but despite any percieved plot holes, I'm gonna continue writing what i intended to write.
8993390
I think that being able to bent reality to ones whim and having power to create and destroy entire universes is as all powerful as one can get, i cannot think what could beat something like this, besides Deus Ex Machina or a plot device.
As for your assumption of me sorry to say you're a tad wrong, in overall i enjoy your fic, i have it in my fav list and i gave it a like, there are some parts that i dislike like your version of Discord being basically God of all existence, and there are parts that i like, the theme, characters, your style of writing etc.
I recently read a fic in which every sentence started with, (insert character name here) did that, (insert character name here) sees that. (insert character name here) thinks that. i dropped that fic before i even finished the first chapter.
Do not take my comments so negatively, i do not mean to criticise, i just ask, you're presenting me with a whole new reality with new tales, of course im gonna ask some questions, like how can you have an infinite amount of realities where there is an infinite amount of Discords with infinite power and none of them clash with each other, when obviously one of them goes around killing other Discords.
You can either answer in response or in future chapters, as long as i get something, im cool.
I do enjoy a good mystery, and some question can be left unanswered, but not when the whole plot of your fic can be unmade by itself.
As i said infinite Discords, with infinite power, by some point you have to establish some rules, otherwise you may as well end this fic with, it was all a dream that Sal had after smoking shrooms, it would make sense as any other answer.
All i want to do is provide food for thought, something to ponder, and not just cool story brah, like millions other comments, i already liked it why would i announce that.
8993461
Fair enough, and I thank you for clearing up some of my misconceptions as well for the enjoyment of my story despite any inherent issues.
Well...damn
See what I did there?!
8993202
And you would be hard pressed to find the original. It was written by a guy named blaze. By all accounts it was poorly written and full of unfortunate implications and never finished when the original author just left it for dead. I believe you can find a link to it on tvtropes. However then the author known as chaytonce took it up. Her version was over the top misanthropic with celestia and the bearers expanding the magical barrier surrounding the barrier to destroy the human world and using the potion to convert all humans to ponies to purge them of all violent human thought. To facilitate this they construct bureaus throughout the shrinking human world. Naturally this produced some defenders and a lot of detractors who hated the whole premise. Thier were a lot of anti-TCB fics that appeared criticizing the entire premise. one completed anti TCB fic would be the conversion bureau not alone on the space battles website. There is a link to it again on Tvtropes so overall that’s The Conversion Bureau in a nutshell.
8993531
Indeed I did. Unfortunately one of the other commenters already beat you to it.
8994008
Well...damn
Did ya see what I did there again?!
Why is this guy such a fucking pussy?
8994033
It's a lot easier to say you'd do something in a given situation than to actually do it. You never truly know how you're going to react to something potentially traumatizing until it happens, and nobody reacts the same way. Keep in mind that this guy has died violently twice in the past couple of hours(?) from his point of view. On top of that he probably blames himself for destroying the previous universe, and you can probably see why he'd want to avoid anything dangerous.
"All animals are equal"
Well that went out the window Napoleon
8993202
As far as i know the original is long gone.
8994033
When I wrote this story, I set out to make a realistic character who reacted to things in a realistic fashion. He has nothing to aid him save his wits, and with all the BS that's been thrown his way, those are pretty much shot to shit.
He is not some badass marine, he's just some poor sap who got thrown into an impossible situation.
Facing up against a literal monster in a dark forest when you have night blindness and nothing to protect yourself with is not realistic, it is stupid and suicidal.
Survival instinct would generally demand you run from monster trying to kill and eat you.
Committing mass omnicide isn't something to just shrug off. Unless you are a sociopath, that will mess you up to some degree.
Being thrown into a prison cell on a slave ship with a predator that could literally tear you to pieces if you so much as looked at him wrong is something I think a lot of people would worry about.
This isn't a wish fulfillment fic, the hero is not a hero, and yes he is scared, weak, and helpless for the time being. If you want some ultra confident hero who spits in the face of danger and kicks ass right out of the gate you're gonna have to look elsewhere.
On the other hand if you're making a joke about how the captain is a giant cat, then I applaud your humor and you can ignore everything above.
8995712
Ok, so I'm drunk and bored, so riddle me this, fuckface. If you're trying to write a "realistic character", you should know that setting them on the opposite side of the spectrum from "drunk-on-testosterone Psychopath" isn't how to write a good one. Making them a monumental pussy doesn't make them a good character, it makes them a one trick pony. A one trick pony that dies all the time. Because that's the trick. He dies. End of story, no happy ending, just death. A "realistic character" when confronted by an eye monster, would probably try to fight back. It's called fight or flight, if you can't run, attack. And it isn't like it doesn't have a weak point, its covered in eyes. Eyes. The most vulnerable part of any animals anatomy. A kick to the side will have it writhing in agony. Then pick up a rock and bash its face in. And don't say, "Oh, but he wouldn't do that." Yess he would, it's called adrenaline. And if that doesn't work, climb a fucking tree. He's in a forest. With trees. Climb one. That's how a "realistic character" would react. Instead of cowering, or whatever the fuck, he could fave picked up some dirt, some dirt and have that thing screaming in agony in a few seconds.
reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/pocket_sand_king_of_the_hill.gif
And for godssake, he doesn't even know that he commits Omnicide when he dies. It's Discord. He's an obligate liar and a fucking asshole. If he wasn't, he would have given the guy some gear. A knife or something. a flashlight. The only thing he has is conformation that once he dies, he'll just come back to life somewhere else. Jesus Christ, that'd be more than enough for me to kick an eye monster in the face.
One last thing, He knows the territory. He's a brony (easiest Fucking shit there dude. I thought you were better than that.). He has a connection to the show, and the places he's been and is probably going to go. He has something he wants to protect, something he loves and cherishes and cares about. That should be reason enough for him to try to protect it. He almost made it in the first (second) world, but no. He was to much of a pussy to bother putting up any resistance.
In conclusion. I don't think this is a good story. It has the potential and has an interesting concept, but you decided that you didn't want a Mary Sue so bad that you forced a negative Mary Sue.Someone who's such a wimp that they'll never amount to anything, so your story is going to end up in one of two places. One is that you're popularity will wane and ebb in such a fashion that only legitimate psychopaths and sociopaths are going to enjoy it, because all you're going to do is write more and more terrible ways for this dope to die, thereby rendering it just another grim dark fic, part of a genre that you claim to be attempting to criticize, or the second option is that mediocrity is going to hit you in force. You'll notice that the popularity of it is dropping after a few chapters of your readers catch on to your BS, and the momentum you had from such a different concept is drooping as well, so you'll quietly drop the fic, never update it, and never even bother to change it from incomplete to on hiatus or canceled. You'll ride a wave of mediocrity, where newcomers, idiots, and even longterm readers will be hoping that you update in their own special ways. The newcomers will find your fic, read the few chapters you have, and like and favorite it. The idiots will do the same thing, but they won't notice the fact that you haven't updated it in several years, and may even post a shitty "when's the update" comment. The longterm readers will be the worst, because they favorited and like this when they first read it when it was popular, and never bothered to unfavorite it because your story disappeared into their favorites list, and new things took their interest. If you're an asshole, you'll even post a new chapter, a couple of hundred of words long, revitalizing hope, until they read it, and it's just a shitty fucking excuse, where you claim that "you've been having a slump" and that "you're gonna rewrite it", and then take down all the chapters except for one "rewritten" one where nothing has changed except for some dialogue.
Tbis signals the end you, 7saviors. Your days of writing marginally well received fan fiction will come to a messy and brutal end, Much like your titular character. Both of these inevitabilities will lead to the ultimate annihilation of your writing career on this site, and unless you listen me, and change things now, all you'll do is dig your own grave, further and further into the ground. If you won't listen to me, Then I can only hope the readers will. I hope they will read this drunken, impromptu, and fallacitical review, take my advice, and jump ship now, before you drag them all down to hell with you.
8996687
Wow, well that's a load of something, you do make some good points but overall you're wrong.
You can throw a million people in the same situation and you may end up with a million and one different results, while true we have the flight or fight response, unless it is honed, or the person in question is naturally talented with it, it can fail, a lot of people would simply freeze up allowing the beast an easy kill.
While we can guess that Discord may have been just messing with Sal with the whole universal extinction, we can't say for sure he wasn't lying, from what we know of him he could've such power, and again such thing would give different reaction depending on the emotional state of the person, some would simply shrug it off , others would laugh cause how high they're kill count just got, others could be traumatised.
And the reason that he didn't see it happen so it shouldn't affect him again can't be applied to everyone.
For example the 911 attack, it affected a huge amount of people, a lot of them that didn't even witness the attack or it's consequences, and yer people all around the globe were affected by it.
Either by sorrow, sympathy, laughter, anger, millions of people with vastly different reactions.
As for Sal, so far i can only tell he isn't a fast thinker or a very logical one, but that is from what i read thus far, and that's fine, cause he isn't like me, but on the other spectrum he handled himself emotionally pretty fine, i would probably stress myself out of fear and lock up for a good while, i was never good dealing with stress and confrontations, some people would call it being a pansy, but that's just proves my point.
8996687
Not everyone is going to stop and fight something like that. Blind panic causes different people to do different, and sometimes stupid, things.
Just because you would've done something one way doesn't mean others will have done the same. You (and admittedly myself to some degree) saying 'that's how a realistic person would act' might, be true, but it would be far more accurate to say that 'that's how you would act'.
Not everyone has the same mindset as you do, and some people are more disadvantaged than others and those disadvantages would make it difficult to fight back even if they wanted to.
On the subject of placing my character's attitude on 'the opposite side of the spectrum', that just isn't the case. Yes you can have a strong, confident character without going overboard and making a mary sue character, but not everyone is strong and confident.
In the right circumstances, people who are seen as weak can learn to be strong and confident. It doesn't have to be -- and often isn't -- a constant. It's about growth and development. One learns to become strong through hardships and it's not something that happens overnight -- something you fail to understand apparently.
Maybe Discord is lying, maybe he's not. He's Discord. Not everything he does makes sense and not everything he says is necessarily a lie. And saying that the character has an advantage because he's a brony and 'knows the territory' isn't a good argument either because as I've established several times, this isn't set in canon Equestria.
Thing are liable to be wildly different from what you'd expect -- characters may not necessarily act the same as they did in the show.
This is one of the reasons why he's trying to save the universes, not wipe them out of existence. Yes, he's failing miserably at the task right now, but that's to be expected given the circumstances and the fact that he's woefully unprepared at this point.
The rest of your comments are just baseless assumptions and cheap insults towards me, my story and its readers. They're not going to make me curl up into a ball and cry, they're not going to make me cancel or change my story, they're not going to do anything but make you look like a dick.
If my story fails, it fails. I move on with my life and either try to fix it or do something entirely different. I can say that I fully intend to finish my story through to the end - and at the moment, I do -- but things are subject to change, that's how life works. I may not be able to finish the story for some reason, and I if I can't my readers will be the first to know why.
All in all though, I've had a fairly good track record of updating my stories, and there's evidence of that in the fact that I'm updating four other stories every single day. So, barring any unforeseen circumstances, I don't think updates to this story will be an issue.
Respond if you want, but I don't intend to continue this conversation beyond this comment, as anything else will just be pointless arguments and a waste of mine and everyone else's time. I thank you for your initial interest, but If you don't like the story, don't read it. You don't have to throw petty insults around just because you don't like my character.
8995712
8993270
8996687
I know it wasn't your intention to offend with the sociopath bit about omnicide, but I felt at least a little obligated to rebuttal it. The protagonist is in a situation completely outside of his control and out of his element. I know personally that I wouldn't beat myself up about a failure in this particular situation that resulted in omnicide and I don't think it makes me a sociopath, but that's because I've been deployed to combat zones five times and have had people innocent and not die on missions. Sometimes they died because I didn't do something, but that was because the ROE's prevented me/us from acting or it was a really shitty straw that was drawn, and it's hard at first to deal with that, but if you want to stay sane you have to rationalize those types of situations. Eventually you learn to compartmentalize those situations outside of your control. Not to mention it's not like he had a say in the caveat that his death or failure would result in that universes destruction and basically makes him not culpable unless he dies on purpose or goes and finds that crystal which would be the only situation I can see in this situation that would warrant guilt. Besides that's to say nothing of the fact that empathetic and caring people do first-responder jobs everyday and are able to live with themselves after terrible circumstances by learning to read the writing on the wall(there's always a bigger picture). If you're going to go the character beats himself up over something that's not fair route I'd be fine with it as long as you don't drag it out beyond the necessary character development. Well, that's my two cents anyways.
As for the guy who said adrenaline and fight or flight would make him act. Well, the other guy and the author basically gave the best points on why that's a poor assumption, but here's some info from someone who's been in those situations. Fight or flight isn't reliable. I've been in situations where mine should have kicked in and it didn't. My first time shooting in combat, and granted I had trained two years for that I froze up because of my adrenal response until I got schwacked on the head by my NCO. Also, adrenaline affects the physiology of the brain and impedes rationale thought. If you're expecting an untrained person to improvise under a fight or flight response then you're clearly not well versed in its effects. I thought my senses were heightened, but it only felt that way(in actuality you perform a task a lot slower in high stress environments and super prone to errors in judgement), but if something unexpected arose that I needed to do it was really difficult to concentrate on and accomplish it. It's also incredibly easy to get tunnel vision. Adrenaline is a natural drug and just like alcohol or other drugs it impacts your ability to learn or adapt to a task. Basically, you're more likely to fuck up in a situation involving adrenaline than not. It's not the wonder drug everyone makes it out to be, at least in my experience. I would much rather have a clear head to make decisions then swimming in a sea of adrenaline that makes you borderline retarded.
8997750
You're right, I didn't intend to offend with the sociopath comment and that may have been a poor choice of words on my part as I hadn't considered the life of an actual soldier. Regardless I actually appreciate your insight on the matter and will use it to help me better my story, and the overall development of the character.
Well at the very least Princess Luna and Celesta had to know that something has happened to the mane 6 and Discord of Equus II they had to had send the Equestrian Navy also they are diplomat's DIPLOMAT'S They should be putting EXTREME PRESSURE on the Abyssinia Government to find them. Spike (before he died) should have send a letter to warn them in time so help is on the way right? OR unrealistic world take's control of Equus II?
8998861
Well here's hoping Spike was able to actually get a letter out to the other Princess' in time. Either way the stakes are extremely high.
I won't give any details, but as of right now, Salvatore still has a chance to save this universe. The window of opportunity is small however and it will require some very careful planning. Let's hope Sal can pull it off...
8998941
Also to take note Princess Luna could track them down with her power to go to pony's dream's so that narrow's down the time it will take for the two Princesses have in finding them with the hint's of them being on a ship,captured,killed and Nightmare's many Nightmare's.
I'm going to give this one more chapter, then I'm going to quit. Salvatore has done nothing except whinge and mess up.
You have a piece of Discord's power, moron! Shouldn't your first priority be to find out how it works and what you can do with it? Then maybe you can do something other than cower in the corner and die!
One. Turn that kitty cat into a violin. Manifest Rambo outfit and go murderhobo on the rest of the crew. Then go back and convince the captain to tell you where the other ship is and where he put the bodies of the other two main six and Spike. Go find them, hopefully thy're only mostly dead, revive them, then proceed to rescue the other four of the main six, taking the time to slaughter the crew in interesting and copyright infringing ways. Find out who set this up, go over there, make sure he gets a colony drop to the face.
The alternative is the destruction of the universe, and you're not staying, so you have no need to pussyfoot around or restrain yourself to look good for the main six, or anypony else.
9202941
Meh, this seems like one of those stories where the protagonist is meant to be a colossal fuck-up and get dumped on at every chance. I'm sure it's meant to show how far they've come later but given that 'later' isn't written yet and there's always a chance it may never be... getting invested is more difficult and more of a gamble.
Forget about his eyes. This guy has a serious case of spine and brain deficiency. Let's hope the next Equestria he visits is The Wizard of Oz parody.
Is he just dumb? I think he might be dumb...
8992664
Probably dash she’s to loyal to run and would have fought them to save her friends while aj would have ran and given her status as element of honesty if she came out and said to the king Two of her friends was dead and the rest taken the king would have listened or at least detained her and found out from celestia who she was so in that case either pinkie is missing or dash is dead and aj was taken