So remember when I was just suddenly in Equestria? Everything had gone to hell and I died from blood loss like half an hour after I got there? Yeah well, I'm alive again and in a different Equestria... and this one doesn't look too much better...
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That was fast.
8971902
Well of course it was. He's just a regular dude with terrible vision. Did you expect him to just waltz out of a grimdark version of the Everfree Forest unharmed? Or at all for that matter?
Nope, he was screwed from the get go.
The best thing I can compare his mission to is Dark Souls -- specifically the difficulty and learning curve.
EDIT: Apparently a lot of things get compared to Dark Souls, but eh, that's what it feels like to me so that's what I'm gonna compare it to.
Oh, my money was Cupcake Pinky Pie, so many fun memories form that.
So, let me guess, he's going to die every single time, no matter what?
And that will destroy the grimdark universe he's in anyway?
So what the fuck is the point of him even trying if his dying is guaranteed? Why shouldn't he just bash his head open against a rock and get it over with faster each time?
8971918
Dark souls is easy until you get the calamity ring. at that point everything one shots you.
8972057
Of course he's not going to die every time. Yes there will be a lot of death -- especially in the beginning -- but he'll start to learn what to do and, more importantly, what not to do. It's called A Survivor's Guide for a reason.
It's not as simple as killing himself and getting it over with. For one thing, he's not suicidal, and for people who aren't suicidal it's kind of hard to break away from survival instinct. Discord also gave him the chance to save the universes, so that's what he's aiming to do, as impossible as it seems at the moment.
So was it intentional that discord said fuck it gave him respawn ability and world ending power with death or heartstab to the universe but not fix the bloke's eyes
8972137
Nope. Didn't even think to. Discord doesn't care whether he lives or dies, only that the worlds are dealt with.
Don't worry though, I have some ideas on how to help with the eyesight issue that I'll put into play sometime later.
8972147
You got a point but if i would have been discord i woulde have the line of thinking. "If he had a better vision he wouldt die as often but he coukd maybe either save more lifes (in case of "saving the dimension") or easier to find the crystal (incase of "destroying the crystal") and less of a sanityloss (incase of"death") and it would probly be the easiest thing and maybe the most usefull for him in dealing with it incase he lose the glasses. And i have a quick question are there 1 discord that travels or multiple but a hive mind?
a little short but necessary, gave the clear idea of "you're fucked, no matter what you do, you're fucked in that world and you better hope you have good luck", and helped us to try to get used to the idea of the unknown . I think Salvatore's first death was more due to an accident (it's realistic, everything can happen) than to the beast that was chasing him. You described well the situation of the first encounter and the latent emotion of the moment.
It was a horrible death that would stay more etched in his mind, than his previous death. In short, fear will keep Salvatore alert.
In addition, reviewing discord's comment, he already gave "options" to salvatore:
* try to correct / repair what is wrong in the world *
* destroy the crystal of that reality and commit an omnicide *
* die to activate the emergency plan *
Discord only does that to defend his own. It's not good or bad, it's just that, someone who does everything to defend his own no matter the cost.
if we talk about salvatore, remember the title of fic. and as I already compare the author "is like dark souls, you'll die a lot until you start to take the rhythm and learn to survive"
(That and learn the patterns of attack and movements, you have to predict and before that, observe and learn.)
8971858
So much truth in the comment. dammit, Amen.
So if Salvatore dying and breaking the crystal accomplish the same thing why doesn't he just kill himself when he wants to go with the nuclear option instead of going through the effort of finding the crystal?
8972349
Morality and pain
Interesting idea, and well written. I'll definitely be looking forward to future chapters!
How many times will this poor soul perish, i wonder.
8972349
It’s more of reason for him NOT to die. As he doesn’t want to have to commit mass genocide over and over again. Discord made that caveat because at the end of the day, no matter how much I love him, he’s a bit of a prick who enjoys the suffering of others.
Damn. That chapter title says it all.
Seems like this dude needs the help of Doomguy.
Seriously though, you got something really interesting going on here that I haven't quite seen before. Can't wait to see where this goes.
Ha.
Tracking and awaiting more.
8972151
Discord did give him the powers to make a flashlight
He just didn't teach him how to use his new found powers
Savoiurs declassified,
Grimdark survival guide.
8972349
aside from the reasons already given by others, I imagine that there's likely side effects to just 'exploding' a reality out of existence, as apposed to unmaking it. odds are the crystal option leaves a smooth empty clean spot on reality, as apposed to a singed ragged hole, metaphorically speaking.
Judging by the flow of the story, perhaps there's more to taking the Dark Chrystal that just causing the place to be undone. Perhaps it'll allow the one who takes it to change or rewrite the universe. Would definitely be an Antihero route but would be better than just leveling the entire universe via death-nuke. Cause lefts face it, some grim dark tales have some pretty impossible and unstoppable beings.
Dude...the only thing grim-dark about this universe is how there's apparently a 'super' monster in the Everfree. Now, I'm not complainging that you got an easy world, but I am complaining about how you just up and died in the first ten minutes. To the only thing there that would classify the entire universe as grimdark. You've doomed the entire universe to actual death, for falling to the hands of the ONE MONSTER THAT MADE IT CLASSIFIED AS GRIMDARK. You need to up your game man.
8973341
Whether the world was grimdark or not wasn't important. The point here was to show vulnerability and the brutal reality of his task.
You said it yourself -- he was barely alive for anytime at all. Saying that the world wasn't grimdark because the main character died too fast or got killed by one monster is rather odd to me.
I get where your coming from, just because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time doesn't mean the world is grimdark. The thing is though, is that -- in the literary sense -- this is indeed a grimdark world, especially when compared to canon Equestria.
There's no one end all be all definition for what makes a grimdark story, but if you look up any definition, I'm certain you'll find that this chapter alone fits many of the criteria.
Also, when I talk about universes and multiverses, I'm refering to fictional universes and multiverses. A bit different from what I think you're thinking of.
Well... damn.
8973482
Exactly.
Disappointing.
8973718
In what way?
8973735
Only character accomplishes nothing and then dies with basically no development of the story. Would be good if part of a larger block. Does nothing but disappoint in isolation.
Hand waving a universe in and then right back out to do, what, a bit of establishing the stakes? Greatly undermines taking it seriously. Sort of establishes main character as worse than useless which is pretty bad considering all the whining he does already. Clearly establishes that universes are unimportant to the story and reminds us that basically everything is effectively zero consequences.
Could have spent that time making something feel like more than HiE spam.
Didn't.
Disappointing.
8973735
Let's be clear here: you added this story to damn near every category in Tyrant Sparkle and have zero Tyrant Sparkle.
This is the same as having a lemonade stand but no lemons and expecting your advertising to save you somehow.
You advertised a thing you didn't actually have to offer.
This is disappointing.
8973762
Okay, so I'm gonna be honest. Some of what you're saying doesn't really make sense to me. I'm not really sure what you mean by disappoint in isolation, the entire point is that the character is weak and helpless in the beginning, and given the circumstances he was thrown into, I think he has a right complain.
The biggest problem with your complaints however, is that you're making several assumptions based on the first two chapters of the story. Something you have to understand about me as a writer is that I tend to draw things out and not reveal everything all at once.
I'm not going to just throw a super confident badass hero into the story and have them fight evil Twilight right from the get go, that would be terrible writing in my opinion. With me, it's not about instant gratification, it's about build up, payoff, and, most importantly, character development and interaction.
There's far more going on than what you've seen in just two chapters, but if you want to write it off as a disappointing story just from that then I guess there's nothing for it. I'm sorry you feel that way and I thank you for at least giving the story a shot.
8973794
Re: "first two chapters" blah blah blah;
Only current chapters.
i.ytimg.com/vi/UOAPb3CdrXA/maxresdefault.jpg
This is all that I could think off.
I like it. Am very interested to see where this goes keep em comin'!
8973801
And you're commenting about not seeing something when only the prologue chapter and the first standard chapter have been released. To wit, in a story where it's outright stated that multiple types of grimdark are going to be shown - and thus heavily implies that this'll be a long-runner. It's like being told in advance that Jojo's Bizarre Adventure follows the exploits of multiple members of the Joestar line, and complaining that Phantom Blood only has one Jojo. Or, perhaps more aptly, being told about Stands being a major reason Jojo set itself apart as unique, and complaining that there's only Hamon for the first two parts.
You just gotta let it get to that part of the story to see it, but you might as well enjoy what comes before it (especially since it provides little things like context to the experience).
Edit: I would also like to rebut your comment about "universes are unimportant to the story." I thought Discord made it very clear that that's the entire reason the story's happening - he wants them fixed/retgone before they encroach on his home reality.
Unrelated somewhat to the topic of rebuttals, considering Discord's comment about the guy dying and hitting a dead man's switch that blows it up anyways... I think it implies that if he dies and 'respawns' in another universe, he's blown up the universe he died in. So it's more like the choices he has are "destroy the crystal and destroy it consciously," "fix everything yourself so it doesn't get destroyed," or "die like a bitch, blow it up anyways, and you don't stay dead." So he can't suicide his way out.
Or... he could do that every time and save himself a lot of crystal hunting legwork, but he'll still have to experience pain-filled deaths on that route.
8973794
The only criticism ClockworkMage brought to the table that I sort of understand is his/her comments regarding the Tyrant Sparkle group inclusion, but only marginally.
I think it would've been better form to wait until a tyrant Twilight Sparkle actually makes an appearance in the story before adding it to the group, because at the story's current level of completion, people could be misled into thinking that the group's central theme is already present in your story, only to be left wanting when they find out it's not the case just yet.
However, which groups a fic is encapsulated in has no bearing whatsoever over its quality, and prejudging a story on that criteria, as well as griping about overall incompleteness in a work-in-progress is pretty petty and non-constructive.
8974022
Would you stick with a show you were told might be good because of some very specific things if all that's aired so far is none of those specific things? If so, why don't you have more respect for your own valuable time?
This was added simultaneously to multiple group categories for content it doesn't have and doesn't convincingly promise.
What's here now is not the content ascribed to it by adding it to those categories.
And if you don't understand how Discord and the setup undermine the universes being even potentially important, you somehow missed the entire setup. This entity, who has no traits other than "whiner" and "fan of the show", is a kiss of death. There's no outcome for him other than the ruin of worlds he enters. No action on his part actually matters when all roads lead to world death. The universes are disposable. It's made pretty clear that they're all playing temporary host to their, mostly untimely, ends.
Edit: Grimdark isn't a thing you can fix, by nature. It being fixable removes it from being grimdark to begin with.
8974042
Fair, I wasn't terribly constructive.
How's about this: either wait on publication until there's some more substance, or even easier, wait on adding it to tag-sorted groups until your story satisfies any of the tags.
Not all of the tags, even. Any. One would be an improvement.
See? Constructive.
I do like your handling of Discord as straight up nearly omnicidal evil masquerading as friendly because of his obsession with one particular world. That's pretty grimdark.
8974088
While I plan to have Twilight play an important role in the story, I will concede on the point that adding to those groups prematurely was a mistake. I will however refute your claim regarding the definition of grimdark. What you described was tragedy, and while a lot of grimdark stories are tragic, tragedy and grimdark are not the same thing. I ll leave you your opinion on whether or not the universes have no value because at this point in the story it certainly seems that way. However as I've stated there's more going on here than what you've seen and I aim to show that in the future.
8974097
Thank you, I've only ever written Discord one other time and I was a bit worried about how to write him here, but I think I hit a good balance.
Well. He's/you're a natural at this, isn't/aren't he/you?
8974122
You're right that I was conflating grimdark and tragedy a bit, but I think it's still outside the domain of grimdark to be faced with solvable problems. I think that the term requires deeper flaws than can be approached by some fleeting interloper, let alone solved within a mortal timescale.
If all you had to do to fix 40k was throw a nice party and write a polite apology, then we would clearly have to say it was falling to be dark, grim, or the saturation of both that is grimdark.
If you could solve its problems only with staggering cost and punishing difficulty, then it being solved in some sense made it neither less grim nor less dark by virtue of the toll extracted.
Invalidating, in doing so, the concept of mending a world afflicted by any earned label of grimdark.
Edit: tl;dr, fixable worlds are inherently short of the mark for grimdark as far as the icons of the genre have led it to be portrayed.
8974204
You make some good points here, but I remain unconvinced that a situation like this can't be resolved without forgoing the grimdark tag.
To me, the end result of a grimdark story doesn't necessarily have be failure in the task or a pyrrhic victory. I don't think a positive resolution invalidates the creulty and hardship of the journey because, while reality might be harsh and unforgiving at times, every once in a while life will throw you a bone.
At the end of the day though, the most important thing here I think is that the story has a satisfying resolution -- tragic, pyrrhic, or otherwise.
I suppose this is why there's no clear cut singular definition of what grimdark is.
Either way I say we agree to disagree and leave the matter be for now.
EDIT: Just to be clear, I'm not saying the ending will be a happy or tragic one, just my take on what constitutes grimdark. I think it's more about the journey and the tone than the actual ending because ultimately a dark story will reach it's natural end depending on prior events if you're doing it right and not throwing out deus ex machinas and other random things at the end.
I love your interpretation of Discord, this is exactly how an immortal insane entity would show care. By being psychotic and insane to what ever threatens he cares about. I can't wait to see how this goes, these are my favorite kinds of stories where things are a struggle for the cm and not at all easy.
it begins and is 0/1. this is gonna be a fun ride.
You know, I disagree with the Dark Souls comparison: Dark Souls isn’t a difficult game, it’s just a very different one. Demons Souls, on the other hand....
You know what? I like this. So far, it’s sensible. Of course he just up and died almost immediately: Sure, he had some kind of power now, but look at how he got there and where he ended up. Being able to swim is only useful if you get throw in the deep end with no life preserver if you can keep a cool enough head to figure out how to do it before you drown. And being in the middle of drowning makes it hard to focus on learning to swim.
Luckily, he gets to respawn and try again, and this time he may get to decide when he starts, so he’ll be ready. He won’t even lose any blood echoes!
Usually I don’t like grimdark mlp stories but this one seems pretty cool! Can’t wait to read more.
A mistake he might make would be to honestly tell the natives that he is there to either save or destroy to world. You could even do this twice. Once, no one believes him and just thinks he's crazy. Then a second time they lock him up to prevent the heat-death, and he's only left with the third option.
8973794 You take criticism very well.
good stuff.