• Member Since 21st Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen Feb 3rd, 2012

Kitsunin


E

After an argument with Celestia, Luna heads to Ponyville to meet with the ponies that cleansed the evil from her. Celestia overreacts, worrying that Luna might be doing something much worse.

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 117 )

Hmmm... good. There are no grammar mistakes, but I think Luna and Celestia were too quick to anger. Maybe Luna can be easily angered, but it doesn't fit Celestia. 3/5

57017

It actually could fit Celestia easily. Celestia has the stress built up of ruling an entire country, and taking it out on a family member is not such an uncommon thing. You really should have thought that through.

I'm liking this, just remember, they're alicorns, not unicorns. Good luck!

57018

That's correct. But we are talking about a millenia-old, all-powerful goddess. Getting angry? Ok, I can understand. Lashing out that way against your only sister, who is also the only other alicorn in existence, who you haven't seen for a thousand years? I don't think it's that reasonable.

Thanks for the feedback! :pinkiesmile:

>>Azkhare
I can see where you're coming from, when I was originally writing this it felt sort of like I was just trying to shoehorn a conflict in, but I ignored it at first and then when I went back for editing I forgot about that and didn't notice it again, and the people pre-reading aren't big enough bronies to have noticed. Oopsies, in any case I believe that later on, that aspect gets more reasonable.

In a way I agree with both Azkhare and LunaUseCaps. Yes Celestia should not be quick to anger but a 1000 years of rule is bound to make anypony stressed. When she does get angry, if you are her enemy then run for the hills, if you are her friend then thank Epona that you are. Perhaps there is something more going on that would cause Celestia to lash out at Luna.

In the Name of Her Serene Majesty,
Celestia's Paladin: For Honor and Duty, For the Sun and Moon

57063

That's the feeling it got from this. It's good, as I said. But the argument could be better. Oh, and tracking. I want to see how this turns out.

Great story. Let's see... what else can I say... I belve Celestia was a tad bit quick to anger, but so would everyponyif yo had to control a whole kingdom for an eon with no help.

All in all, it's a trackable story, and so, I will track it.

“And then you locked us away for a thousand years instead of simply trying to make us see reason? Despicable!”

I'm pretty sure Celestia tried that. It's not easy to get someone who's lost it as Luna had to listen to reason.

And lost it she had. Badly.

The story has been a little partisan up to this point; So let's see in which direction it will continue.

I like where this is going. I do agree that Celestia is the incredibly patient type, but her being quick to judgement is not out of the question, especially concerning a certain fellow alicorn, so it don't matter to me. It's a nice setup, and it's always fascinating to see the 'current' Luna, but how the next chapter is will determine if it's nicely balanced with the emotions or if it becomes an overbearing pile of melodrama.

Does this fic take part before Luna's episode? If yes there's great potential for a scene where a worried Celestia rushing to Ponyville to see what damage her sister caused just to see Lunas new fanclub.

57118

At the time I wrote this I was thinking that Celestia had tried that, probably very much so, but Luna still blames her to a considerable extent, for not purifying her as the mane 6 did when she first went evil (Even though she probably couldn't).

57126

It won't be melodramatic, I can promise you that. It might not be dramatic enough though.

oh thank god. I misread the title as "Molestia's Thrust":rainbowderp:

The others were right when they say the argument moves too quickly
overall a nice start :twilightsmile:

Not a bad start, though the argument between them ended a bit too abruptly. Stress or not, Celestia should know better than to lash out like that, one would think a thousand years is more than enough to make her carefully consider each and every word, if this is how it had happened the last time around as well. I kept thinking near the end that she was just trying to quickly sweep it under the rug.

Grammar's okay and it's mostly free of errors, but here's one rather important thing. I'm not sure why you insist on keeping the 'Royal We', especially if you consider that she specifically said in Luna Eclipsed that it's for addressing their subjects. That aside, if she DOES keep the Royal We, that it just doesn't fit well if she's not using her archaic expressions as well. Also, I've noticed at least one instance where she actually forgot about the Royal We and refered to herself as 'I'. I think you should give this a think-through and either put back her archaic structures as well, or have her gradually phase it from her speech.

That's much rather just nit-picking though, it was decent and I wonder where you'll take this.

Celestia really stepped in it now. :yay::trollestia:

57049

Yeah for normal ponies, but to each other they're still just sisters.

"She felt hesitant to let Luna aid her again, and risk her becoming corrupted yet again. Not only that, but she actually somewhat preferred to do everything on her own."

In other words, she has tasted the power of controlling both the day and night... and does not want to give it up.

So she shuts Luna out of everything, denying her any power or anything resembling power.

But it's not Luna who is corrupted now, It's Celestia... because now Celestia has all power and you know how the saying about that goes and what it could mean here.

Sooo... poor little Luna is not going to be given any power... and how long until Celestia starts having a flaming appearance and calling herself Daymare Sun and causing that trouble?

57238
If Celestia couldn't purify her the first time, then 1) she CHOSE not to, to gain all power for herself, because in fanfiction there is always the possibility of ulterior motives, or 2) Celestia was not pure enough, or not worthy, or maybe not the one chosen to wield elements, or simply picked the fastest and first solution that came to her mind, so, too hasty.

58037
There may or may not be ulterior motives behind not giving Luna back her rightful position, but then it could be, as said, Celestia is not trusting her enough. And I don't think even if Celestia became corrupted, which itself is unlikely, that she would call herself Daymare Sun. I love thinking up opposites of everything, but that sounds wrong. So maybe as I've heard, Corona Blaze might be a more appropriate title. The risk of Luna becoming corrupted again, from Celestia's point of view, is understandable. But why not more trust in family, I say! Don't leave Luna hanging, Sun Princess!

Woah, this is getting noticed so much I can hardly believe it :pinkiegasp:

I hope I don't disappoint people with future chapters...

57355

Definitely a good thing to point out, my intention was that Luna would still speak in a fairly archaic way, but there are two problems with that being the case. The first problem would be that I don't know enough of that sort of vocabulary to make it actually work; the second would be that I went and forgot the actual reason for the royal we in the first place :facehoof:
Since this is supposed to take place a year or two after Luna was originally freed, I suppose it's pretty fair to imagine she's mostly gotten caught up with modern speech, so I'll edit this and keep a closer eye on the way she speaks in the future.

While everypony has valid points about the anger reaction thing, I think just a few 'exposition' paragraphs could fix it. Just a few explaining how the tensions have been steadily increasing between the two. Mabe at the bit with the guards? Just a suggestion...oh and when you have such an engaging premise, I hopped that I would see more than just the argument...just saying...now where was I ? Oh yes!
MOOOOOOAAAAARRRREEEE!!!!!!

Whelp, since the conflict certainly was a bit forced, major changes have been made, I feel that it makes more sense now on its own, plus it fits in more with the rest of the story.

Thinking about it, when I wrote the first chapter I actually had plans for this to escalate into a full blown war, but then I realized my writing skills are not
good enough for something so serious. So this doesn't actually need to end with Luna being too pissed off at Celestia! Hopefully everypony agrees the changes are for the better, if a bit late.

At first i was like:ajbemused: but then i:derpytongue2: lol'd
Good story.

..............more?..............:applejackunsure:

shivering strongly:pinkiecrazy: thats never good :pinkiegasp:

Better than the first one. Much better. Though I still feel it was "rushed". And a little too short. Maybe I'm a little too perfectionist, but, well. I don't see Luna confessing her feelings in front of a crowd.

Don't get me wrong. As I said, this one is much better. I hope you don't take my comments as offensive. I want to help! :pinkiehappy:

Cliffhanger + Mystery added in.

Well played.

58694

I won't say you're wrong about that, I guess I could argue that there was a door between Celestia and the three others, and the crowd inside, but that's sort of a weak explanation.

Don't worry about it, I can take criticism, and I suspect your comments will keep me more cautious about these things in the future :raritywink:

Oh Go- Celestia! A doozey!

Ah k... I'm reading... reading... reading... DONE!!! Again, I proclaim this worth reading! Spelling errors need to be fixed. I would gladly be your humble and willing pre-reader, but alas! I have no time for such things. Boo me...

Her Pinkie sense is tingling, I wonder what is triggering it though. (this is of course assuming that is her Pinkie sense) :pinkiesmile:

Felt a touch malnourished. Brevity is the soul of wit, but flesh has its values too!

Oh :trollestia: your at it again:trixieshiftleft:

:trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia:
MAXIMUM TROLLING!!!

Hmm.... Not herself, you say...?
I get this feeling that some sort of nightmare celestia will appear....

Okay, this is starting to push it a bit. Celestia is a little bit over her head if she truly doesn't realize she's going overboard with this. Playing mindgames with someone who pretty much JUST got back from a forced millenia-long absence exactly because she went over in her head, is pretty much the most amazingly dumb thing one can do. And that's not even getting into the fact that it's her own sister. I also found Applejack's remark to be a little out of place, since in Luna Eclipsed, she had perhaps the most interaction with Luna besides Twilight and was generall nice to the princess. She's blunt, that's for sure, but she didn't go ahead and berate her at all.

Other than that, I'm curious where you'll take all this.

Okay, so we had Nightmare Moon. What's next?
Solar Flare? :trollestia:
:rainbowlaugh::twilightsheepish::pinkiehappy::unsuresweetie::yay::raritywink::ajsmug::derpytongue2::moustache::coolphoto:

60111
Perhaps Celestia is going farther overboard than makes sense for her character and I'm screwing up...or perhaps she is going crazy/evil...or perhaps she has prepared more for this 'plan' than one might think...or perhaps something else. :ajsmug:
You're probably right about Applejack's remark though.

Also, does it count as trolling when your intentions are good for those being trolled? :unsuresweetie:

love how every celestia/luna fic ends up with celestia trolling the crap out of everpony.

ah well i like a daily dose of trollestia, even if she is playing an incrediblly horrid mind game with her already mentally scarred sister!

I guess that the main thing here that I could be messing up is that I'm imagining Luna is 100% normal mentally, which she probably wouldn't be after the whole Nightmare Moon incident. She could be normal though, imagining that when she was Nightmare Moon she was mostly not conscious, and that being sealed away was similar to being asleep.

Well... If Celestia is going full-on Solar Flare, she can be like that, I suppose. But... well, something is wrong with her. I think it has something to do with the Summer Sun Celebration.

My theory: Celestia gets drunk with power, and only Pinkie Pie and Luna have the power to stop her. The element of Laughter, silly as it looks, it's, as I see it, the most powerful. Combined with the alicorn powers from Luna... well, Solar Flare's reign will be shorter than Nightmare Moon's or Discord's.

Alternate Theory: There's something orbiting the sisters. Something evil that has always been there. But it can only manifest itself when they are at their "power peaks". Summer solstice for Celestia and winter solstice for Luna. Their brains get too busy managing the power surge that they let their defenses down and anything can get through.

Mayhbe I'm overthinking this. Disregard me, I'm drunk off of my skull.

Celestia didn't jump to conclusions.

She took a rocket to the planet of conclusions on the other side of the universe.

60589

I agree this doesn't fit celestia's personality at all, but then again this is just a fan fic and the scenario in which the author presents this is quite entertaining. I can't imagine celestia jumping to conclusions so fast but it does make for a good read.

Fox

I'm thinking Trollestia CELESTIA probably let the mane six know ahead of time.. or something. Either that, or as said, MAXIMUM TROLLING :trollestia:

Fox

That was meant to be a strikethrough on "Trollestia"; unfortunately, it seems that the BBCode here is limited. My apologies.

That feeling, when you're reading the latest chapter of something, and you finish, and hit the back button, and BOOM, another chapter. Best feeling in the world, man.
I really like this story, it could go in so many different directions right now, and I'm really excited to see which one you choose.

61475I agree so many choices so many paths which one will our esteemed writer chose?

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