A somehow R63 Berry and regular Twi in the same universe?

ABOUT DAMN TIME! 8D

*Rushes to read it*

... WOW... That was pretty darn good! (Don't know why I was expecting anything else, though. xD One single mistake I saw in passing was Spike being lower cased in the beginning, something about spike's something. Sorry I'm too lazy, but a simple Ctrl + F should find it. :3)

Thanks for a great start to a PinkLight fic! I mean, I know it says complete, but it COULD be continued, whether directly, or indirectly, such as somepony ELSE finding Nivek, etc. I know you're busy, so I won't be crushed if you never make a sequel, but there's something to think about if you have the time! :3 Thanks for the great read!

Wait is this ground hog day cross over?

Before I read... if Pinkie is Berry in this, shouldn't it be tagged AU?

EDIT: and now it makes sense. That was cute and heartwarming.

I never heard of this, is it one of your new stories (i.e. not featured on EQD)

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_TwilightWut.png

I'm still going to read it either way

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_future.png

>>10274281027428 Read the story, there's a plausible explanation for it.

Pen Stroooooke!!!!!!

*stands on table with noose around neck* I will never be a good author like Pen Stroke i might as well end it all

*jumps off table causing the rope to pull tight*

*rope breaks (cheep rope) dropping gnome to floor*

"ouch"

>>10274671027467Ahhh!!Your Emotions!!They mock me !!!!

Wow, this was brilliant!

>>10275601027560

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_O_O.png

>Pen Stroke

>First Ship Fic

>Chooses Twinkie

>

>

>

I guess in a universe with griffins, dragons, magic, and other assorted mythical fun, there could be genies as well.

Nivek, huh...interesting

If only we had vendors selling casual all-powerful magical beings

interesting read to say the lest.

Now I am going to sleep. 3:10 am.

Your name.....is sexy..

Pen Stroke, I do not read shipping/Romance fics very often, but since you wrote it I was willing to give it a shot.

Conclusion: It's on par with your other works.

Straight TwiBerry... that ends with Twinkie. Brilliant! A much-loved pair, done well.

That wasn't half bad. The whole 'Kevin backwards' thing was kinda... iunno. I reckon there was more you could have done with a Genie's name. This fandom spawns a billion punny ponified names.

That...

...was actually pretty adorable. I rather enjoyed the groundhog/genderbend combination story...

I haven't read the story yet,but-BUBBLE BERRY IS THE BEST GENDERBEND_MANESIX.After him is Butterscotch.

I read this because, well it was you. And this was just a good as I thought it would be. LOVE IT!

Pen Stroke, why do I love every freaking thing you write?!?!?! Another original idea with a happy ending. Keep it up, Pen.

I'm sensing MLP-meets-Groundhog-Day here.  And is that a male Pinkie Pie in the cover image?  

Sooooooo AWESOME!

D'awh, this was so cute.

<3 Twinkie.

Nivek backwards is Kevin. That someone ya know?

That title... How much do you know about Flutter Ponies?

How To Tell A Story Is Going Well, Tip #827:  "You've figured it out halfway through, but you still have to read it to the end, because it's that good."

This was that good.

Lemme be up with ya. I'm a white Southern Republican, so you probably had my political beliefs regarding homosexuality figured out at "white".

And I love this fic. Awesomely done. Is there an applause switch on this laptop or something? *fidgets with it* Like I said, white Southerner, machinery's not a forte. Guess I'll settle for moustaches.

Moustache, moustache, moustache. Damn that word is fun to say out loud.

TWILIGHT

WHAT DOES THE ARCANOMETER SAY ABOUT HIS MAGIC LEVEL

IT'S OVER 9000

Whoo, okay, got that out of my system. This is a great shipfic... And somehow I'd think Pinkie would behave exactly like this if the opportunity presented itself. The only thing I could possibly gripe about was how quickly Twilight accepted what happened. If it were me, I'd be a tad concerned that Pinkie's response to rejection was to reshape reality to her whim.

Still a great read! Am I watching you yet? I think I should.

This story was awesome!

Reading this story was a time well spent.

Oh man, that was awesome. Like hit a part of my soul.

What did I just Read?

Okay, that was really fun and really sweet. +Thumb

First, I'm glad you didn't make an over 9000 joke! Second, in my mind, Norm Macdonald voiced the genie. Very cute fic. Greened thumbed!

Adding to read later, this sounds good.

So what was the second wish?

*taps hoof to her chin*

... This requires more studying.

And perhaps a fic like the current 'reversal' fic where Dusk Shine is with the 5 mares, only with Twiight with the 5 Stallions. Maybe.

>>10276011027601Stop mocking me!!!!!!!!!!!!

This got featured?Notsuprised.

1 thing to say: BRILLIANT

So I guess it's a good thing that I kept reading Bubble Berry's lines in Pinkie Pie's voice?

I it! It's so awesome!

them feels

>>10316991031699 I would ask again but...

Image: http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR13vjDzHw8fdm6MjSMrhzyFOz4siikTw_pcq_AoVW0g1fa5JdG

>>10323091032309

I ~THINK~ the loon is asking about the Emoticons, specificly the ones that are usable via GreaseMonkey.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_future.png

Also, a Penstroke fic I have never read before. Epic Win!

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Rainbow_dealwithit.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Cloudchaser_dealwithit.png

Pre read comment: Whats up with the influx of all the "singular R63" stores that hit featured lately?

>>10316631031663

I believe that the Second wish was to replay the day...

Great story.

I really felt for all the characters.

Grammar seemed good.

Altogether, an interesting premise!

I know it's Completed, but a sequel would certainly be welcome here...

Maybe more Genie antics?

Pinkie and Twi having matured in their relationship?

In any case, this was excellent.

That is all.

Journcy Out.

>>10323871032387 Thanks for clearing that up

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Redheart_smile.png

Twilightlicious should act less in character

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Cheerilee.png

O loved it! So awesome. Twinkie is my favorite ship, and I like how you pulled this off.

Is Kevin your actual name, Penn? That'd be rather interesting. The author intervenes in the story but the fact that he's the author or an avatar of him is only hinted at. A refreshing twist on deus ex machina.

Whatever the case is, this story is a great success. Pinkie and Twilight are my two favorite ponies, and shipping them together this well makes me a very happy brony.

I only noticed a few mistakes, but none detracted from my enjoyment. The first was when Pinkie sense was first mentioned. Shouldn't it have been Berry sense, since Pinkie had already used her second wish? Another was when you referred to Berry as a she before the reveal:

“That’s just super duper nice if you to say!” She brought

Twilight up into a powerful hug.

That "if" should be an "of."

I think you should go over this one more time with a proof reader before you submit it to EqD, if you haven't already. You want it to look its best before it's paraded before the center of the brony community.

Theres a couple of Instances where you refer to Berry as she, but asides from that, Nothing I can complain about. Exept for TOO. MANY. D'AWWS

This was absolutely adorable, I love it.

By extension, I love you.

Bubble showing Twilight around the store where she got all of her pranking devices

This can’t be a coincidence.  Not even Pinkie Sense is a coincidence, and that’s the impossible of the impossible.  This can’t be a coincidence either.

I loved how realistic this piece felt, especially on how insecure Twilight was about the whole deal. Really good.

while the front wall was a series of giant glass panes

Is that supposed to be a subtle fourth wall joke?

Or have I spent too much time with pinkie to think everything is a fourth wall joke with her.

Djiin. the proper name for a genie god I hate that word is Djiin otherwise great story! :)

Simply magnificent.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rarity_lolface.png

I am amused that so many folks make Groundhog Day references when the '3rd wish reversal' is a pretty standard cliché. Hell, Twilight Zone did it forty years ago! Not that I mean that disparagingly, you know, that no new ideas thing. Usually, doing it right matters more than doing something new, plus, I don't doubt that you had no idea that it had been done before.

Unfortunately, and contrary to Alesiopdv, I found the emotional content a little too unrealistic and over-simplified. Cartoon ponies takes the edge off it enough to make it fun to read, but it seems to skirt around any actual groundwork in terms of how they feel about each other. As such, it just came off as a generic wish-fulfilment ship-fic rather than anything with more meat on it. I felt it needed to be either twice as long, with much more detail, or half as long and strip the details that didn't really work, since the internalised justifications for how Twi felt about Pinkie seemed arbitrary and ham-fisted to me.

That's just me, of course.

-Scott

(You still get a thumbs up, btw)

Good morning campers, rise and shine. its Groundhog Day!

D'aww. That was cute and adorable and sweet and I loved it.

Couple things, though:

1. Needs a more thorough editing job. There are a number of very minor errors scattered here and there--mainly typos and homophone/incorrect word usage errors. They're infrequent and minor, but buffing them out would be a good idea.

2. It'd be much funnier if Nivek were a zebra. Phineas & Ferb fans would laugh their plots off at that one. That's just a minor suggestion, though

Anyway, good job!

>>10291791029179  Had one already "The Best Night Ever", with Blueblood and Rarity.  It was excellent.  Has a sequel.. which has kinda gone off in a complete tangent to the series, considering that the first story was entirely in-world.  It's a "Matrix Reloaded"-level over-reach.  Like the first "Matrix", "Best Night" should have been left as a one-shot.

>>10338471033847  The weakest part of this to me is the reliance on a sudden deux ex character OC insert right at the end to explain everything.  That sort of thing just KILLED the entire narrative for me.  It would have worked far better if it had simply been an extension of Pinkie Pie's 4th-wall-breaking powers:  she used her power to it maximum to change herself and everypony's memories of her.  That, at least, would've left the story internally consistent.  

Throwing in an all-powerful character suddenly to explain things is a very poor plot device.  It's what killed "Through the Eyes of Another Pony" for me, this insertion of a whole new mythos out of nowhere after so many chapters, drastically over-reaching the plot.  

>>10351921035192 Well, it was obvious that something had caused the effect, so it didn't register as sudden to me. I also think that making it an extension of Pinkie's 4th wall capabilities would have been the worst idea, possibly ever, since it has nothing to do with 4th wall breaking. But hey, we're all allowed opinions, right?

>>10352781035278  I'm speaking in a purely literary sense.  It's something that just isn't done.  It's considered the worst form of a deux ex machina.  The genie is there with the weakest possible explanation; a random find in a market is the kind of thing I'd expect from a toddler's story book.  

Let's put this into perspective.  "Canterlot Wedding" introduced the Changelings, powerful shape-shifters.  BUT, there were hints all along that something was off about Cadence, clues that she wasn't really Cadence.  By the time of the 'big reveal', we already knew with 100% certainty she wasn't the princess, and it also looked very likely she wasn't really a pony either.   In this story, the genie is just suddenly there, with no rhyme or reason, and has lots of 'phenomenal cosmic powers' to make the stuff in the story happen.  It's far less rational and world-relevant to shove in some random god-like being than to have Pinkie be the actual culprit.

Image: http://pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133625704438.gif

That was...probably the best Twipie shipfic I've ever read. You earned a favourite and like! I got all teary eyed.

>>10353181035318 I don't think that's a fair comparison.

When the 'big reveal' comes along, we already know that Cadence isn't the real Cadence.

When the genie pops up, we already know that some massively powerful magic is at work to give Pinkie her wish. Personally, I thought the genie was no more or less obvious than the changeling, with the only difference being that you liked one and not the other. I thought PS did a very good job of making it a perfect fit before the reveal happened (and that's saying something, because I freely admit to being a neigh-sayer to the value of his earlier work).

Basically, I refute that it is Deus Ex Machina, because it was clearly set up beforehand. The '3 wishes' ending was already on my list of possible explanations, so it can't have been that badly done. Saying that a genie is bad as a core concept is like saying that Star Wars sucks because of the force. I just don't think it's valid as anything more than a personal opinion. Besides which, I thought the finale was terrible for a whole host of reasons, so I'm hard pressed to take any reference to it all that seriously :P

>>10353751035375

I believe what he's trying to say is that the genie explanation is bad because, while there is obvious build-up, it wasn't foreshadowing exactly WHAT caused the change.  It could have been a unicorn pinkie employed for the change, or it could have been some other plot device, so to speak.  So his complaint isn't that there is a genie, but that it wasn't hinted at that it had to be a genie.

I think, anyway.

>>10353751035375  Uhm, the Force was brought up in Star Wars VERY EARLY IN THE MOVIE.  Do you know what DOES compare well to this story in Star Wars?  Midiclorions. And everybody hates Lucas for throwing that in the prequels.  

>>10356131035613 Yes, but the force was never explained, it just was. That's no different to how PS establishes the parameters of what's going on. Massive energy event in Ponyville, day being replayed, Pinkie getting her wish. That's no different to just accepting that 'the force' works, without ever knowing why. So yes, it does compare to midiclorians, except it wasn't the way they were introduced that made people hate them, it was just because it was a shit idea. Conversely, 3-wish genies are an established cliché that would ideally produce a forehead-slapping 'DUH!' when the reveal was done. Whether of not that was well done is an entirely different kettle of fish.

It's also not strictly Deus Ex Machina, since the entity is the explanation for what happened rather than how it gets solved. It's not the solve-all Mcguffin-of-doom, in fact, it's barely related to what the story is actually about. It's not important, is the point, which is one of the big reasons I don't think your claim sticks. It's just a thing that provides the premise under which a ship-fic can occur. Again, whether or not that's a good premise is an entirely different discussion (and I'd agree with you that it's not).

>>10354041035404  It's not even the introduction of something that isn't canon.  It's the fact that the genie is just THERE, completely out of the blue.

Now, let's say the one who did it was GOD!!!  

"TWILIGHT!!  I AM GOD!!  I CHANGED PINKIE INTO A STALLION SO SHE COULD TRY TO CONVINCE YOU TO LOVE HER!!  NOW I SHALL CHANGE HER BACK BECAUSE YOU'RE LOVE IS NOW STRONG!!"  

Would everyone have been so accepting of this story in that case?  Not at all, even though it's essentially exactly what happened in a nutshell.  It's because, unless it's done in a farce for humor, sudden inexplicable god-moding with middle-to-end-of-story insert is a terrible plot device.  There's a reason it's mocked constantly in comics, cartoons, satire, games, etc.

The genie has no 'character', there's no time for an introduction, no depth, no purpose other than to provide a divine explanation for the entirety of the story.  The genie is the textbook definition of a throw-away deux ex machina.

>>10357111035711  But that's my point entirely!  The genie has NO PURPOSE other than to be a plot device!  You could have thrown ANYTHING in there if we are to accept that this was a good idea.

For instance, Pinkie could have explained in these ways:

"Twilight, I released Cthulhu and he changed me into a stallion as thanks while he goes off to destroy humanity in another world."

"Twilight, I begged the giant Queen Spider to use the mental powers she gained from obtaining the perfect blue crystal from John Pertwee's Doctor to transform me into a stallion.  And I only had to give her 20 tender young foals to eat in exchange!"

"Twilight, I AM GOD!  THOU SHALT LOVE ME!!"

"Twilight... we're in the Matrix  And I am The One."

ANY of those could be inserted in this story with the exact same result.  There's practically no limit to what random explanation could be wedged in the ending presented here.  The story provides no structure whatsoever to either support or throw out any explanation.  That's why I say it's the worst of the worst uses of a deux ex machina.  The insert is so thoroughly artificial, so distracting from the narrative, and inevitably so pointless that simply saying, "Oh, I decided to mutate into a stallion and that made everypony's memory change just because." is as valid as the genie's presence.  

I really enjoyed this fic .  I was a bit worried that the whole day with Berry Bubble was a dream because of the title and the initial confusion that Twilight had when she experienced the same day again.  The confusion sort of made me think of "don't think about it too hard" dream logic but I was pleasantly surprised that that turned out not to be the case.  The only thing that bothered me is the whole Nivek being Kevin backwards thing.  It made me think that it was a self insert but even if it was you did a good job of avoiding poor use of it.  The color description made me cringe a little bit but it does sort of work for making the genie seem otherworldly or mysterious.  Personally I think Nivek being a zebra or an earth pony would have worked better but in the end it doesn't matter too much.  I think you did a terrific job of showing Twilight's emotions towards Berry changing but I think Pinkie/Berry were a little too calm overall.  I understand that Berry wanted to make it perfect but I really doubt that he would limit his smile and enthusiasm to the extreme that he did.  I did notice a few errors that I will show below but there were a couple others that I could not find again after I first saw them.  They were nothing that really detracted  from the story, I barely managed to notice some of them .  Keep up the great work!

“Uhm,” Twilight paused.  I guess he’s worried about he looks?  That’s a little strange,he normally doesn’t care about how he looks.  “You look... great!  Really great!”

should either be changed to "his looks" or "how he looks".  Also there should be a space between he and the comma after strange.

Both scouts from the royal guard, and my sister under a disguise, have been to Ponyville to investigate, but have found nothing to arouse our suspicions,  You and your five friends appear to be in perfect health, and everything else appears.

Pretty sure you just forgot to finish the sentence .  You probably meant to use normal there but I could be wrong.

“Well, lots of ways!” He started, “I could poke you too much, say your name too much, talk to fast without stopping to listen to what you have to say, invite you to a party every day—”

That to that's italicized should be too.

Twilight couldn’t help but roll her eyes and nod.  Bubble Berry had been one of her best friends ever since she arrived in Ponyville, but today, she swore it was like looking at him for the first time.

That she should be a he.

Bubble let go of her friend in an instant and bounced around the library for a moment as Twilight composed herself.

That her should be his.

The day had been exciting so far, much more so than the previous two days, not that she liked them any less.  The morning had started out with a quick bite to eat at Sugar Cube Corner, Bubble showing Twilight around the store where she got all of her pranking devices, and a few hours of going around Ponyville, generally causing chaos.

That she should be a he.

Sorry for the length, I just wanted to try and make it easier to find the errors by showing which paragraph they're in .

>>10358071035807

I hate to barge in on this conversation, but I think the point that is being made is that the mechanism by which Pinkie transformed is irrelevant to the central conflict of the story. If the entire story and its conflict were built upon Pinkie's quest to become male, then yes, the genie would be a Deus ex machina. However, since the primary conflict is centered around Twilight's feelings for Pinkie/Bubble, the genie is only a catalyst for said conflict.

That is not to say that the actual conflict was resolved in a terribly satisfying manner, but the genie certainly isn't the problem here.

I loved it! It was so epic and fun and touching and..., beautiful!

>>10367941036794  I must disagree strongly.  When in college, I took several literature classes, and one of the very important mistakes to avoid in writing is adding characters toward the end that serve no other point than to tie up loose ends.  In fiction, that's a very common thing.   One always should strive for a well-rounded narrative.  

There is a way to add a sudden character insert, such as was the case in "Harrison Bergeron" with the appearance of the Handicapper, Diana Moon Glampers.  She is the symbolic representation of the oppressive government in the story, the metaphor that ties the entire tale together as well as delivering the sudden shocking end of the story.  She becomes 'the point' to the entire tale.  You couldn't substitute anyone else other than another Handicapper and achieve the same effect or give the same message.  

Any character introduced so late in a story MUST have a central relevance to the narrative that makes their contribution to the central conflict unique and important if they are not mentioned earlier.  

I hateTwilight x Pinkie. I hate uber-powerful magic creatures. I hate so many things you put in your story...

JUST HOW did you manage to combine all of those into incredible awesomness? HOW?! Wait, I dont want to know. Anyway, Nivek is amazing and cool. Liked how you made him... Well, the way he is. Pinkie\Berry was executed flawlessly and story itself was surprisingly well-paced with actual 'story' going on.

Now excuse me, I must go clean up my world that now lies in ruins. Really, Twi\Pie fic that I loved that has a genie in it, who is called 'Nivek'...

P.S. any chance we might see more of Nivek from you?

>>10376351037635

The problem with your argument is that the exact mechanics behind Pinkie's transformation aren't relevant to the central conflict. You have mentioned several rules, but you have yet to establish how breaking these rules harms the narrative in any significant fashion.

>>10379631037963  Actually, I have, rather clearly, multiple times at this point.  If you still can't see how jarring it is, then there's no point in my trying to elaborate further.

A magical artefact that powerful and it's only just now being discovered? It seems a bit weird, but whatever. This could be a very interesting series, if indeed you decide to make more. I would love to see a sequel.

>>10379741037974

Eh, to each his own. I just think the romantic elements of the story demand far more attention, and are far more relevant in criticism.

>>10312631031263 see >>10296881029688

Pinkie's first reaction:

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Pinkie_Pie.png

Pinkie's reaction after Twilight invited her in:

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png

My reaction to the whole story (+)•(+). FOIL it out, everypony.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/discord.png

OH MY GOD.

THIS IS PURE FUCKING GENIUS.

I hope to God that one day I'll be able to write like this.

>>10324311032431 I dont understand HOW DO YOU USE THEM!!!!????

>>10405111040511 What ? These ->

Just press them silly

Awesome story! Something I noticed was that Twilight had to use a spell on the book before the Arcanometer could pick it up but Pinkie naturally had a reading even though she's an Earth Pony. Is it a mistake or have we found tangible proof of the Pinkie Sense?

>>10405321040532 no I mean the Redheart and Octavia things

>>10409701040970

Oh my god now that the reveal is done I can answer everything freely.

No, she had been changed by the genie, and that magic registered with the arcanometer.

>>10376701037670

I'm glad you enjoyed it.

>>10366391036639

Ho jesus that's a big post, but thanks for catching those things!  I'll make sure to made these changes as I'm editing.  I need to add more hints as to the genie as what caused the initial change, and the fact that it might be a genie.  Foreshadow will help the reveal, after all.

>>10357111035711

I've greatly appreciated you comments, both in critique and by keeping the discussion sane.  It's great to see well-informed and well-reasoned opinions every now and again, and I'm glad you still appreciate the story, even if it isn't your cup of tea.

>>10357671035767

You've made posts but you go back and forth on them.  You contradict my clarification of your point with some idea that my point had to be canon-related, and with your next post you actually agree with me.

What you said: "The genie has NO PURPOSE other than to be a plot device!  You could have thrown ANYTHING in there if we are to accept that this was a good idea."

What I said: "I believe what he's trying to say is that the genie explanation is bad because, while there is obvious build-up, it wasn't foreshadowing exactly WHAT caused the change. It could have been a unicorn pinkie employed for the change, or it could have been some other plot device, so to speak."

Your ideas about it being a Deus Ex are wrong because my story establishes something is wrong in lots of ways: the opening scene being with Pinkie and then Bubble being in the story just a few scenes later, the letter from Celestia, even the very description makes point that Bubble Berry's very existence is part of the conflict.  The conflict which can only happen if the genie was in the story.  While he isn't as well developed, that's a different issue altogether than whether or not a plot device was appropriate.

An image:

Image: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7s33rrPMj1qe7wvco7_1280.jpg

There is no coincidence that gets characters out of a bad situation; there is only a situation that is causing a conflict.

But you did make a fair point: it could have been anything.  And as such, I'm going to make edits to have foreshadow as to what caused the change, instead of leaving people with lots of guesses, and having "GENIE" appear without any precedence when anything else could have been substituted.

Thanks to everyone who's reading this as well.  As soon as this story is on my account, I'll make a blog post to everyone who took the time to read this story.

To people who think nivek is a self insert: Uhmmmmm no.  My name is David IRL.  The name is a very pointless reference because I was too lazy to find an arabic name.  His personality is what I had him planned to be from the beginning, though.

>>10411511041151 You're always welcome. Now if I can only get people to comment on mine...

I daaawed so hard I had to go out and murder a bear with my fists to regain my manhood.

Oh my gosh. I seriously can't believe how good this one was. I liked the idea of a story where just one pony was R63'd, but your way of using it was amazing. I'm watching you now.

It's so cute and well written. Thanks to Pen Stroke, I'm watching you me too

Wow. Not what I expected at all. Better even.

*Snagglepuss voice* It was stunning, wonderful, stupendous even!

Good job.

Nevik...  Kevin spelled backwards.  hehe.

Any reason you chose that name for the genie?

Also, I only noticed that because I have a friend named Kevin and everyone calls him Nevik.

>>11069771106977

It's a not-clever-at-all or not-stylistic-at-all reference.  I was bored and couldn't come up with a name.  I guess whoever figures out the reference first gets an internet?...

Well, you taught me something today. Don't pay so close attention to the description and image. That's how I usually choose my one-shots -- aside from their contents of course. I thought this was just some random romance story about a Rule 63 Pinkie with Twilight,

`

Well, just like what you did with "Right", what a twist! You seem to be good at those. I'll admit, I was also put off by the genie bit, but it's not like there's many choices when it comes to completely altering space and time dimension. In fact, choosing Pinkie's (fanon) innate ability would probably have been a cheaper move... but also cooler...

Hm. I'm torn.

For the most-part of the story, seeing as how this is all in Twilight's perspective, I found this increasingly creepy as the story went on.

Sure, this is a ship-fic but the explanation as to how Pinkie fell in love with Twilight felt butt-clechingly ham-fisted in as you never really built up to any of it and turned it in to a one-night-stand fiasco of emotions.

Pinkie one day after a supposed amount of unexplained time planning (problem mainly due to lack of perspective of Pinkie's side of things) goes and spends the day with Twilight and then asks her out on a date. With no knowledge as of reading up to that point it comes off as slightly creepy having taken in to account past fictional experiences about Pinkie Pie and the fact that it's so out-of-the-blue that together it ultimately comes across as creepy.

The creepy factor throughout was just constantly on the build in this story as for the most-part, Pinkie was being secretive and Secretive Pinkie makes for a Terrifying Pinkie, especially since this story is revolving around 'romantic interest'. Even with the knowledge given the tag 'Shipping' was the only thing there and that a 'Dark' tag was not included, I was still willing to believe that it would take a turn.

When the story reached to the point where Pinkie and Twilight were at the library after the date, coupled with the mention of baking 'Cupcakes', this was what ultimately drove me to the conclusion after having done read the story that it would have been SOOOOOO much better had it turned Dark.

Just my thoughts on the story.

EDIT:

Suggestion: Chapter Two - Black Dream / Pink Nightmare.

very very very very very good

this is great. The date that berry took Twilight on was so adorable/cute/romantic, I... I... I don't have words right now honestly.

have a gif instead

Image: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5os4w3Q9n1qg26zfo1_500.gif

this sums up my feelings much better