What was supposed to be a superb night of crusading takes an unexpected turn when Scootaloo, unbeknownst to her, sees another pony's death in front of her eyes. In a mess of thoughts, she flies off towards the Everfree Forest without knowing it, and from there realizes the truth about goals in life.
Page generated in 0.129 seconds
Total duration
942 users online
383,727 hits today, 2,782,760 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
*looks at number of comments. 0. looks at date released. 19th Jul*
Let's get some comments on this story, stat! Oh wait, let me read it first. Be back in a bit.
967271
...What happened, then? Did the cripple-level-slow pace and awful formatting swipe out any hope of reviewing this thing?
In more realistic words, I would really appreciate at least a bit of commentary...
...Not that I'm pressing you...
989639 I'm really sorry. I put this on my read list, but I've been wrapped up doing a bunch of other things. I'll take a look at it. For real this time. I feel your pain, man. I hate it when no one comments...
Okay, I'm reading this and
.
It's really well written. It looks really good and I haven't seen any errors.
However, I'm afraid it's just too depressing for me to go through. I just can't stand sadness. I mean, I've got the smile song in the background going so I don't go insane.
I'll try to get through it, but I might not read every word or else I'll start thinking too hard and I'm really way too paranoid to let myself do that. I'm sorry.
Okay never mind, I'm reading it.
I forgot if I was giving you error help or just concept.
First of all, the dramatic iriony is amazing. I feel it really strong.
Next, I can't see why no one else has touched this. The only things I can think is that maybe the word count. And that is daunting. I mean, 10000 words is a whole lot of story. I don't see a way to logically break it up though, which is usually what I'd recommend. Unless you split Waddle's story and Scootaloo's part up. But actually, I like it the way it is. I do however think some things could be cut out of repetition.
It was a really good fic with a great underlying theme. It's a little vague in the beginning, in that I wasn't really sure where you were going because it got a bit poetic, but I don't think that's a problem. It might have scared the more superficial minds off though. That's all I can think. But great job. And sorry for taking so long.
990622
Well, first of all, my most sincere thanks at you taking the time to read and write a comment about it - I really needed an opinion for me to base off, in the aspect of where to go next, at least.
The main reason behind why the beginning feels (and is) so different is the fact that I had only written Waddle's part at first, almost a week and a half before the rest of the story. In that patch of time, my ideas changed a bit, together with my word choice (it's incredible, how much it has changed in what, two months...?) and, more importantly, my mood; which was this typical not-really-logical hopelessness back in that moment.
"Too depressing", you say...?
I had absolutely no idea that this could be considered a sad story. I mean, yes, it actually does deal with death and adresses failure at achieving dreams, but there's this underlying tone of determination and willpower, which could actually be interpreted as a cynical way of-- wait a minute, what am I saying?
[Bottom line: Does this thing need a sad tag? I don't think so.]
I had thought of breaking it up somehow, but then I noticed that the story itself wasn't like a, uh, how do you say this, a timeline - a straight line forward in time. The three parts of the story were happening only minutes apart, at the same time at one point, so I just don't know how could I have split it.
Yes, I also think that there were some things, some aspects of the story that led it a little too much towards repetition territory. The way I can describe things isn't too good either, seeing as I actually did the best I could at the beginning, and I think that it didn't go too well either. I might give it a more critical read and see if I can shave off some parts of it, or at least polish it up a bit so it can be read without making it sound formulaic. Well, something like that.
I agree on the word count issue. I had originally thought of making it around 5k or 6k words, not more, but then more and more things just began writing themselves and before I knew it I already had a 11k words document. After trimming it down a bit, it ended up as barely over ten thousand words, which is still a lot.
Well, I think that's it. Thanks, again, for reading this thing, and for giving out your thoughts. I just can't believe how useful those kinds of words are.
I don't know if I really should say this, but... No need to feel sorry about taking your time. After all, I took my time when responding as well, didn't I?
990816 I have a weird grasp of depressing. I mean, he starts talking about death, I say depressing and run away. But I was invested by then, so I had to finish. I wrote that bit while reading Waddle's part and assumed the whole thing would be like that. No, it doesn't need the sad tag. All in all, it's got enough happiness to negate the sadness. I'm just sorry it took so long to actually stop and read it. I haven't been doing too much reading lately...
EDIT
I meant to tell you about this: "where will you be when I disappear?"
I love that line. It's beautiful.
990842
I like to think that the story is between those two moods, seeing as it never gets truly dark nor depressing, but doesn't get any cheerful either. It really is a rather bleak story when put that way.
But I can understand, given the fact that the same thing hapens to me; except that, instead of sad fiction, it's comedy or heartwarming fiction. It actually takes me time to get used to it every time I read it.
990951 Dark as in serious, it definitely goes there.
990957
Well, it certainly does get serious... I'd say that there's no other way for me to write about that kind of things. I mean, yes, there might be, but I can't do it.
About the edit thingy, well I don't know, but that kind of phrases have always been interesting for me. There's something in adressing others in a non-inertial way, so to speak, to ask something without focusing in feelings, but in actions, that has kept me interested since I can remember.
[Not-related] Sheesh, it's late. I'm off to hit the hay like there's no tomorrow. ...If that makes any sense.