The long trial was over, and Twilight - no, Dusk Shine's finally out from under that terrible shadow. Poor little Skyla and her auntie could move on with their life. Skyla's murderous grandfather was behind bars, and Dashville was simply beautiful in the fall!
And all Dusk Shine needed to do was stay out of the public eye, and never catch the eye of 'King' Sombra's secretive confederates. And make sure that she stayed in the local deputy marshals' good graces.
How much trouble could a slightly witchy woman and her orphaned niece get up to in a quiet Applelachian town like Dashville, anyways? Even if they were hiding in witness protection from their incarcerated drug-cult kingpin of a patriarch.
Chapters (15)
That's some great cover art, I knew it would inspire a story or two.
8585725
I know, right? They were cool about letting me use it.
cant wait to see what comes next
What kind of dark magic does Sombras cult use? Voodoo? Pagan?
Mitch, you genius from the heavens.
In due time.
Hmm This is a sequel of what?
8585859
Nothing at all, yet. It starts in media res, to begin with. There will be flashbacks detailing what exactly went so horribly wrong, further down the line.
By the cover art alone, I want to read this. Here's hoping the rest of the story is as beautiful.
after reading
Or it could be dark and scary with more than a hint of I am Number Four.
Meh, still enjoyed it.
8585863
Hmm This is QUITE different from EqG timeline i guess...
I mean Skyla is the daughter of Shining and if she is like what is shown there she should be at least five or six. That is necessarily QUITE a bit further on than EqG time. She is an "alternative version" of Flurry Heart?
Edit: Ok Better read it ^^;;;
Ok seems nice, quite a bit removed from the original material, but let's see...
Hm. Well, this is interesting to me.
Magic, mystery, and dark magic cults? Goodness, this looks like it’ll fit my pistol just fine.
8585728
This is going to make me cry isn't it, you asshole?
... I have thte onions readdy.
Since when is 35:2 featured?
8586332
Slow Saturday? I don't know, I'll take the extra advertising.
Bruh.
(/insert female equivalent to bruh if required)
8586332 since the site slowly lost its viable user base that didn't cum at the sight of anthro boobs, displaced, or humans are badass!1!1 omg
I was almost throw off by the description... It really does look like the description of a badly written story. But the story itself looks extremely promising.
I'd recommend a different description, but I can't think of one off the top of my head.
Wow. That family dynamic. Definitely unique. Never thought Sombra would be Cadance's father.
Great fic. Looking forward to more. Native American/Bayou-style voodoo/magic, black magic pacts, deranged uncle-in-laws and their cult followers? The supernaturalist in me has been awoken from his coma, and he is invested in seeing where this goes!
If this becomes a Harry Dresden crossover I'll be unsurprised
In all seriousness, more please
Very interesting, very interesting concept, love the take, but my only concern?
The site won't load the thumbs-up button on this page.
Eagerly awaiting the next chapters mate, this is gonna be a hoot and a half.
Really great start. Reads sorta like a Mercedes Lackey story.
EDIT: Also, I'll go ahead and contradict the previous statement of the description. I think the long description suits the story just fine and is actually rather attention-grabbing.
Oh it's so nice to see something in the south! Or at least kinda south. As a Mississippian I'm fairly southern. Frankly as long as there's some y'alls, ain'ts, sweet tea, Popeyes, and making some kind of Frankenstein word from several (whadaya think about that for example) you'll be fairly on the nose for the deep south, least in my experience living all over MS. Virginia probably has more sense than the people round here though.
Oh, I can picture so many awesome and hilarious situation coming out of this. I can't wait for another chapter.
Also, why do I suddenly feel like I heard the name Dusk Shine before.
8587130
It's a common fanon name for R63 gender-flipped Twilight Sparkle, deriving originally from the story On a Cross and Arrow. I figured it would work in this context as something similar to the marshals renaming Twilight 'Samantha' or 'Sam'.
OH MY GOD, I just remembered. Isn't Dusk Shine the name of Twilight's gender flipped counterpart.
Why would they give her a name that sounds more like a male name then a female one? Although if you think about it is a bit of a funny situation.
So either Friendship Games didn't happen in this universe, or it's less Equestria Girls and more human ponies.
Colour me intrigued, I hope you'll continue this, because I really want to read more.
Also, I swear to god, if Johnny Cash wasn't on the radio, someone will have to change identity
Melinda was mine, 'til the time that I found her
Holding Jim, loving him
Then Sue came along, loved me strong, that's what I thought
But that died too
Me and Sue
Don't know that I will, but until Love can find me
And the girl who'll stay and won't play games behind me
I'll be what I am
A solitary man
It is literally your job.
Something feels... off.
And I really, really like it.
Hmm. Dark and Mystery? Colour me intrigued.
8585774
Well, given those options, I'm now hoping straight up Christian Satanism.
8588530
Hater
Now, I haven't read the story yet, but why does Twilight and Flurry need to be in the witness protection program if Sombra is behind bars? Also, what exactly is secretive confederates, anyway?
8588615
Drug kingpins generally have a reach that extends beyond prison walls, and very long memories. Especially when their drug-dealing operations are run by dark-magic-addled cultists.
8588636
It might be just me, but there'a tad too much exposition at the start. You might want to write first about Twilight and Flurry running away in a car and meeting the officer first, gradually dropping hints about why they're running and what happened to Shining Armor and Cadence as the story progresses.
Otherwise, it's fine.
Digging the premise, but peeved by the laziness of using real people names alongside pony names even if you're using Earth locations, which is another can of worms entirely. There's another story that gives a decent explanation for it, but that would be pretty flimsy of an excuse here.
more plz :D
When reading that accent I can only think of Boomhauer, from King of the Hill.
wow. What happened to Flurry, sorry Skyla, should not happen to anyone that age.
Yeah, might wanna watch out for any necromantic shenanigans from the cult.
8589458
Ah. You slipped ger name. You owe me a dollar then
8589533
Go take it up with Witness Protection, my bank account doesn't answer to you! ;p
8589532
Let's hope not.
True story: I lived in Dusk Shine's new apartment, for ten years. Oh, it was in a different town at the time, but the details are more or less pulled from life. It was on the back end of a building that looked from the street as if it were part of the big funeral home on the corner, to the point where I had to keep my front door locked lest mourners come wandering into my place looking for the back entrance to the funeral home. And that funeral home was oddly popular with the local motorcycle clubs, albeit not, as far as I could tell, 1% outlaw clubs.
The only corpse-related irritations I encountered was the roaring noise from the crematorium they had installed in the detached garage across the parking-lot from my front door, which could be heard from the front parlor when the TV wasn't turned on.
8589454
now i cant either you suck and rock at the same time
Normally hate any version of human Twilight in a story, but this has gotten my attention and praise. Have a like and a fave you magnificent bastard.
I love this so far. It's so...I don't know. It's just so much to take in, really. But I am loving it. I'm feeling so much for, ah, Dusk and Skyla.
I will say that I hope you aren't going to write in dialect to much. Adding the appropriate dialogue tags should work just fine. Otherwise it slows down reading and sometimes can make what you're trying to say muddied -- and hey I live in Tennessee! I hear this type of talk all the time, but reading it is a different matter entirely.
But yeah, beyond that one small thing, I can't see anything bad about this. Maybe some skin color descriptions, just so we can know -- personally I always picture Twilight and fam as darker skinned but, especially in this story, it could be an important detail later on.
Anyway I'm looking forward to reading more of this!
Twilight/Flurry Heart mother/daughter stuff AND a Southern Gothic-esque plot? I don’t normally read dark fanfics, but this is just too good to pass up. I especially love how you incorporated fandom/unused canon names like Skyla and Dusk Shine as Witness Protection identities. I hope everything goes (relatively) well for them compared to what Sombra put them through.
Also, this may show my bias in who I write, but the minute I saw “Agent Seed,” I was legit expecting it to just be Babs playing around in a police costume and for the real agent to lecture her about how this wasn’t a game.
I have a question will other char from show pop up, like the mane 6,
You always have the weirdest, coolest ideas Mitch. Great to see another one. I'm a little confused about the weird names some characters have in these stories though, like "John Denver" or Willie Nelson" or "Daniel Boone." What the heck is a Daniel?
8589560 Yeah, I was thinking this apartment complex doesn't sound the best from a WitSec perspective. Between the biker bar and the popular funeral home there are going to be a lot of out of town strangers, a few with criminal connections, viewing the pair walking in and out of their apartment.