In 2012 Daniel Richards is a scientist in the "Time Veil" experiment. The quest was to find a way back in time, but when the expiriment goes horribly askew Daniel is sent back in time. Only two problems. Not only did time around him revert, so did his age. To add insult to injury he wakes up in an odd mishapen forest surrounded by six ponies and a zebra. (Im going to point out I'm leaving alot of open spots. If you see those that means it will be furthered later on in the story or maybe a side story.. Not quite sure.)
Chapters (5)
I like it :3
Thanks.
The story I want to write is "here" and im waaaaay over "here"
-Chem<3
Keep up the good writing. It would please me more, Shawn, if you made longer chapters.
Will do good friend. I just stop when the day ends or the subject changes entirely. I don't want to drag on and ramble.
Thank you :)
No Silver Spoon emoticon and FiMfiction.net still hasn't reviewed my story? SEND IT TO THE MOON!
fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/191/2/1/send_it_to_the_moon_by_mixermike622-d3lky14.gif
Its kinda hard to like a story when the chapters are so short.
There is barely any substance when there is only a few hundred words.
The Idea was nice and I like your direction but you need to make chapters longer.
Thanks for the input. I stop writing a chapter and start a new one whenever the subject changes....Case in point: If Daniel is on an adventure with the cmc and he gets home, and then he start fighting a giant enemy the subject change would be so drastic that keeping it in the same chapter would just be odd...and a bit tacky in my opinion. I want to try to make you happy though so I'll give it a shot.
its good bro. now have a chicken
its good shawn. but a find its moving to fast already. maybe make the chapters longer. more dialog. some snaped necks maybe? anything that may keep the readers yet not rush it along. now have and epic dashy
i want to comment on every chapter. sooooooo i found an error in your southern accent. "Aw shucks. Uh guys ah guess we will hang out later." the Uh is not necessary.
This is moving way too fast. Give events time to happen.