A batpony finds herself lost in the woods but something’s wrong… why’s it so dark? What's wrong with her eyes?
And she’s not alone. Something is out there, waiting.
Written for the Bat ponies and Thestrals Writing Contest 2017
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 21st Jan, 2016
- offline last seen Last Wednesday
Shortmane
Casual pony fan who's been meaning to write something down for way too long. I love friend-shipping, Rarijack, and gardening. Avatar by Toodles3702
Shortmane
Joined 21st Jan, 2016 ·
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Woah. That was... interesting.
If you haven't read the story do not hover over the spoiler.
Was it meant to be hinted that he... stole her eyes?
Not bad! It's some good classic horror stuff for a post-halloween read
👍
This is actually the creepiest story put out for Hollowen.
8524091
Correct! (was hoping it was obvious enough, but I didn't want to outright say it)
Thanks for reading
Wow, a pretty dark and scary story, nice! I knew that the salespony was odd! Though I didn’t expect his actions to lead to this. Also, the gradation was very nicely done
I noticed some inconsistencies pertaining to uppercase letters in direct speech. Some were correct, some not. I can explain more if you wish, though I’m not sure how much of the rules you know
Also, to your use of hyphens; em dashes (—) or double hyphens (--) should be used instead of them in situations when the character suddenly stops speaking/thinking. (Hyphens have their place in connecting words together, forty-two for example) However, they also kind of break the text, so it’s good not to overuse them. A comma or a full stop sometimes does a better job
8545598
Wow, thank you so much for the lovely comment!
I was hoping to tease it enough that you'd have an idea who was behind it, but not too obvious (hopefully I hit that right).
For the grammar rules, I would love some help! I'm not always great about the finer details of grammar (I was doing the amateur mistake of periods before 'said' until pretty recently, ugh...). If you wouldn't mind explaining them to me, could you perhaps send a PM?
And that's good advice on the em-dashes, that is a very bad habit of mine. I may have to go back and edit this and some of my other stories so I don't miss anything. I really appreciate the help!
8552360
I'm sorry for taking so long to reply. You are welcome!
He seemed rather shady from the point he broke the glass with ash, but overall, I surely wasn't expecting it to end like this!
A PM should be send your way soon
Also, if there was anything unclear about the dashes, feel free to ask 
I probably shouldn't have read this in the middle of the night
Neat! Original and well thought out.
Is their a sequel to this? Or is their one planned for next Halloween?