Tehsandmaster
Joined 7th Sep, 2013 ·
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Luna REbellion, so she didn;t become nightmare moon?
8540385
she did. I'm just going for a little more historic depth then a one episode dbz style fight.
This is pretty good, an new spin on the story that I haven't seen around. There are formatting, autocorrect and capitalization issues (particularly of Twilights name) but a prereader could catch all that.
Consider cleaning up the thumbnail summary to get some more traffic, the lack of capitalization of proper nouns is offputting to readers who base the quality of a work on this introduction. But the first sentence is more an elevator pitch than a good hook to get people reading. Move that to the bottom or lose it all together, you should infer all that through the hook you have there to get people interested.
If you need a prereader just ask, I do a lot of that for documents and products at work. You've got my interest with this and I'm wondering where it'll go.
An interesting start, even moreso the lore presented here. So do they look lie anthropomorphic horses or is there something else to them?
This is interesting, and promising. You capitalized apprentice, it should not be, and you did not capitalize Twilight when Celestia first talks to her. While these are minor errors, they're early on and can lead to concern before even getting to the bulk of the chapter. Fix them, and keep up the interesting work. I look forward to more.
8547621
First off, thanks super for the review, and i'm gonna go back and check on those pesky grammar issues. and on a side note holy shit path of cloud commented on my story! Maid was like...my first ever "adult" sparity fic.
8542386
Anthro yes. but more like humans with some traits, ears tails horn wings, that sorta thing. I have like, half a notebook with lore, world timeline, etc etc. if there's any interest I may post it on my author page or some such. but ya, glad you're digging it. and I hope that I can keep it coming
8549858
Well it's always nice to find something worth reading... been getting hard lately it seems. I'm glad you enjoyed Weekend, it's always nice to hear and I'd be lying if said I didn't smile a bit at that. My only other real nitpick here is you could really afford to take a space out between your paragraphs and that there is a Indent button that will indent the whole story on the editing tool bar that is worth a click.
As I said before, I look forward to more.
When will the next chapter becoming out?
Another dead story
9255389
This story isn't necessarily dead I've come across stories that were last updated back in 2013 and 2015 and they had an update just recently. This year in fact.
9367880
True in some cases but those are the exception not the rule in most cases if they have not updated in over a year it is dead
9367922
I added it to my bookmark tab so I will get an alert when it is updated. I do that any story that's incomplete and I like it. Though it's not just one or two stories that have gone over a year and then have been updated I've had several do it. It's more along the lines of people who are in college or not having enough time due to their job rather than the story being dead.
as rough as the editing is, I wish there was more of this. I loved the concept and characterization
So many stories I'm coming across that I have in my like box and bookmarked and yet never actually hit the like button. Once again I have re-read this chapter and I'm looking forward to more of the story.
Friend, I want to know what's going to happen in the next chapter, this story has become one of my favorites.