Twilight Gets a Puppy
By TDR
Brindle Gossip,
Epilogue 3
[Two days later, Ponyville]
“So Twilight's not back yet?” Rainbow Dash asked with more than a hint of worry.
“Nah, docs wanted to keep her in Canterlot a bit longer to make sure she was recovered enough to return. Spike and Rahs came back yesterday, though they went back up tah Canterlot again after gitting a few things.” Applejack offered. “They told Pinkie Pie to let us know what was going on and she found me first.”
“Dang, I saw Spike yesterday and he didn't say nothing.” Dash pouted.
“So the poison joke had some side effects?” Rarity pondered. “Perhaps I should get checked out , though I don't recall feeling anything but fabulous after my bath.”
“Prolly somethin tah do with Rahs eating three trees worth of apples.” Applejack sighed. “ That whole family's strange.”
“Yeah, but check this out!” Rainbow Dash pulled a small stack of photos from under her wing showing them to the other girls. Both Applejack and Rarity turned red as they regarded the five photos of Rahs as a pony. Some one had taken pictures of him as he rinsed off before soaking in the cure to the poison joke. Water clearly rippled off muscle and his amber mane was plastered to his head and back spilling over his broad shoulders as he stood under the shower.
“Oh. My.” Rarity gasped.
“Daaaang....” Applejack whistled before whipping her head back and forth. “Rainbow where did you get those?”
“I know right. “Dash grinned. “ Spike sold them to me yesterday, twenty bits a piece, totally worth it to see him with a wet mane. Just when you think he hits a cap at 11 he goes right up to 12.”
“Dash what even is your scaling system?” Applejack grumbled.” And honestly yer gitting a little creepy, no matter how hot he is.”
“It's fine. It's not like I’m gonna do anything with them. Like I told Twi he's pretty to look at, damn pretty to look at, but he doesn't have wings so I’m not interested in doing anything.” Dash smirked. “ Any guy I’m gonna hook up with has got to be able to keep up with me in the air.”
“ Given how fast you are you're already setting yourself up to be a old maid Dashie.” Pinkie Pie stated, popping up behind Rainbow Dash's. Fluttershy was only a bit behind her.
“GAH!” Dash yelped her wings jerking and tossing the photos in the air.
Fluttershy blinked and reached a wing up to catch one as it drifted down. She took one look at the photo and turned bright red with a thin trickle of blood running from her nose before she passed out in a heap.
“Dang it Pinkie!” Dash growled, as she snatched her photos back up.
“I'm glad I packed smelling salts this time.” Rarity sighed digging into her purse.
“Good thing yah did, cause this mandatory shindig looks like it's about tah start.” Applejack frowned looking out across the town hall and the mass of town ponys gathered there.
[On stage]
“Thank you all for coming.” Mayor Mare sighed looking at the list before her and the ponies out in the crowd. “Keep in mind this is a mandatory town meeting as ordered by Princess Luna and Princess Celestia so aside from a few individuals the whole town is required to attend this meeting. Given that I'm to be part of this class as well I turn the floor over to the Canterlot head of Cultural Enrichment, Mr. Parks.”
Mayor Mare sighed again stepping away from the podium and moving out into the crowd of confused and rather annoyed ponies. It wasn't like the Mayor to cut a speech short.
“Greetings Ponyville.” Mr. Parks stated. He was a well groomed Earth pony at first glance. His ocean blue mane and tail were cut short and his suit jacket was a inexpensive make that still looked professional on him. His fur was a dark purple that looked marbled around his limbs and ears , though closer examination showed these to be stripes. “Usually this class is only attended by individuals or groups no larger than ten or so. This is the first time I’ve had to deal with a whole town, though with this precedent I doubt it will be the last.”
The stallion tapped a few stacks of paper on the podium.
“Let me begin by telling you the law. This is not a new law and has been in effect for the last fifty four years. No one is allowed to deny service to any individual due to nationality or species without adequate reason if said individual is in need. An adequate reason is something that you can, and likely will, need to argue in court. It could be that the individual is known to be dangerous, or has caused some sort of harm before. “ Mr. Parks continued. “What is NOT an adequate reason to deny service and shun a individual is because others are doing the same, or because they look, or seem strange to you. It has come to the Princesses attention that this town has been doing just that with several of it's residents.
So she sent my team and I to nip it in the bud now.”
There was a general mummer of annoyance from the crowd. A mummer that Mr. Parks and the other five ponies, and one mule scattered around the hall took note of. They also took note of those that seemed surprised, and those that seemed ashamed.
“Before you all get mad and leave allow me to point out now that there is a sizable fine for the first conviction depending on the severity. That can also be or include jail time depending on the situation. “ Mr. Parks stated. “ All that said there is no law about private businesses denying who ever they see fit from their establishment, this does not include anything also being bankrolled by the crown. However Princess Celestia is adamant about maintaining good relations with all of Equestria's neighbors. And given she cannot be the first to meet all of those coming to Equestria, the duty falls on you, and I am sure that none of you wish to upset the Princesses. Now then, we will start out with a short film, then a lecture and Q&A, and at the end of the class there will be a test. Failing this test will result in the class being required again with who ever did not pass. We will teach a second class later in the week. There will be no third class, those that fail will simply be recorded as failing and will be in documented in CCE files. Now then let's begin.”
The lights in the town hall dimmed with the expected muttering as a projector started in the back of the room, lighting up a screen that had been lowered. A crackling voice seemed to boom from everywhere at once as the film began.
“So you've decided to be a racist.....” The narrator mocked.
[Outside of Canterlot]
Trixie stretched her legs as she trotted along the road, her new wagon pulled behind her with incredible ease thanks to the new library of spells that had been fitted into it's construction. With the insurance money as well as several other payouts from both the parents and Ponyville town hall that accounted for lost wages, Trixie had more than enough to make her home even better. Feather weight charms and enough durability and protection spells that the next time it was stomped on by an Ursa, the Ursa would chip a claw.
Trixie really hoped there wasn't a next time.
Still to be back on the road was a thrill, she had truly missed this, traveling the land, choosing her own way. Canterlot and the theater were nice, but this was so much better. She also had plenty of time to work on her stories, there was now a cautionary tale in her bragging involving two stupid young colts and how Trixie saved them from themselves with the help of a certain Moon Dog. It still made her look damn good, but it also warned away any one thinking of trying the same thing that happened in Ponyville.
She also she really needed to thank Twilight for dealing with all the fine print.
The flutter of wings and a loud thud of something striking her new wagon made Trixie wince. Stopping the cart she unhitched herself and moved around to the side of it where a gray pegasus with a blond mane was just picking herself up off the ground and trying to put letters back in her bag from where the impact had scattered them.
“Are you alright?” Trixie frowned.
“Oh huh, yeah I’m fine, I just don't know what went wrong, one minute I’m flying around and the next , WHAM, cart outta no where.” The gray furred Pegasus chuckled.
The mare looked up and Trixie noticed her amber eyes were facing two different directions, clearly this was the issue with her flying.
“Oh hay. I know you. You're the mare who's magic doesn't taste like muffins.” The Pegasus smiled.
Trixie blinked and sighed recognizing the gray mare as well.
“If you say so.”
“Good I was trying to find you. I've got a letter for you.” Derpy explained.
“A letter?” Trixie asked.
“Yeah … ummmm, no that's not it.... that's a delivery to Pinkie Pie....” the mare muttered digging into her bag.” .... that's to Raindrops..... there's Princess Celestia's 'Well-built, Oiled, Outdoor, Fancy Stallions weekly... how'd that get in here? Ahh here we are.”
The Pegasus offered a fair sized envelope to Trixie. Trixie took it in her magic curiously noting that it was from Spike of all individuals.
“Thank you.” Trixie offered as she tore open the letter after the Pegasus had taken off, her delivery done.
“Let's see here.” Trixie muttered noticing some things in the envelope still, though she pulled out the letter first. “To Trixie, after a run in with something called Poison Joke the three of us wound up changing forms. Enclosed is a recipe and a description of the plant so you can avoid it and cure it if you can't. Despite that I still agreed to help you with Rahs. So I am enclosing something that should help with the motivation.
Sincerely. Spike...”
Trixie blinked, before noting a PS.
“PS, all the images included are of Rahs under the curse of the Poison Joke. Have fun.”
Trixie tilted her head pulling the photos out of the envelope looking them over, her eyes growing wider as she took in what Rahs looked like as a Pony.
“Woof!”
would been funny if derpy said something about the Woof, like she understand moon dog for some reason
but what did trixe say?
So, asking the really important things here, what did Trixie say?
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:"What does hourglasses have to do with blue boxes?"
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8691617 I was going to have a passing Diamond Dog faint after her woof , but i opted against it for a reason in the future. Also look at the acronym for Celestia's Stallion magazine. W.O.O.F.S. So even Derpy Woofed
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That doesn't answer our questions.
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Nope
I honestly wouldn't be surprised if we see Spike selling more "Sexy Pony Rahs" pictures to the local mares (and few stallions) in future chapters
Thank you. I was becoming worried that Trixie would never find out how he looked. Now:
Perhaps that should be movie, or (as we called them in my day) filmstrip?
Racist, I think. The other implies that they have decided to be the most racy.
THANK YOU SO MUCH SPIKE!! Trixie will make sure to bring you present next time she visit.
A couple of exotic gems would be great.
racy
ˈreɪsi/
adjective
superlative adjective:raciest
1.
lively, entertaining, and typically sexually titillating.
"the novel was considered rather racy at the time"
(of a vehicle or animal) designed or bred to be suitable for racing.
"the yacht is fast and racy"
I'm surprised Celestia hasn't bought any Pics from Spike considering that magazine although its probably only a matter of time .
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I think I see what you are getting at but it would have been easier to just say 'you switched your I and e around in raceist'
Then I realized that it's spelled 'racist' so that would be easier as well.
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Actually, it was much easier to copy/paste that definition.
The last scene I can't stop laughing
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Got me there
DARN IT TDR we just start getting some answers about RAHs. You leave us hanging and go to closing other issues
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“Good marzipan, sir and/or kumquat! I represent the Acme Novelty Spatula Emporium. Could I embezzle you in a waffle?”
Darn that cajun accent of hers…
Uh uh. That's a quick way to make more legitimately racist people when presented in such a way to an entire group of people. Of course, these are magical horse people fueled through the power of friendship, sugar, and rainbows, so statistics and predictions tailored towards humans don't exactly work the same way.
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I was channeling the Simpsons for this. Read it with a troy mclore voice.
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Who? Sorry, I don't watch the Simpsons.
I LOVE the start of that Film, "So you've decided to be a racist". That is just BRILLIANT!! <3
i think the Trixie should howled instead of woofed
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Well at least Equestria don’t have SJWs
-----------------------------------
It's always the Quiet Ones, isn't it?
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"...what does sleight of hand, magic staves, and fireworks have to do with anything?"
I wish real "sensitivity training" had that kind of subtlety. It might actually work on at least those people who still have a sense have a sense of shame left if it did.
This one.. this one.... was freaking hilariously awesome! Only two real issues, well one semi-decent sized issue, one semi-comically exaggerated but still odd issue, and one nitpick. Overall this was hilarious and amazing, and once again, the comedy of events just going wrong is what this story does so well. The swap in the Joke's effects on Twilight through adding Spike and Rahs was wonderful and gave a whole new dynamic to things that was so damn fun. Rarity's change made sense in context and was used so well, and giant Applebloom was simply inspired. So overall notes.
I agree with AJ, Rahs the cockatrice hunter really is rather neat,
Twilight, it's NOT 'natural' as far as ponies are concerned. Yes you, who has read every book you've ever seen and study these things for fun, know the full story, but as far as a good 90% of the population of Equestria is concerned, weather and nature and everything being fully on manual IS the 'natural' order and how it should be.
Don't forget cleaning up after the messes you cause as well Twilight, not just stopping others.
Okay, odd bit with her waking up and it being odd Spike wasn't in the room. Earlier it had said that he slept in the basement with Rahs, not in her room. Granted, the way it's framed could have been just due to the smell making her think he should be around, but at the same time the overall focus of the scene and the wording, make it feel more like he usually sleeps in there.
And yes, calm, cool, collect screaming is the best idea at this point. And yes, I was laughing my ass off the whole time.
Poor Spike, can't even get to be something cool like a Moon Dog, nope, puppy with you.
So, it's kind of like Elder Scrolls, where a Dragon who breathes fire is really yelling at you in Draconic? A dragon breathing fire here is really screaming at you?
Yeah AJ, it's going to be a long, but hilarious day.
And then the 'Woof' things, so, guessing Moon Dog isn't so much a language on it's own, as a way of projecting your thoughts through simpler sounds? With what it means being largely dependent on what you are thinking at the time? And/or it's just amazingly contest sensitive. Does give me some idea for Rahs that I'll wait to see if they prove right.
Also, another great running gag for the chapter.
As to Pinkie's hair being fire proof..... it's Pinkie. Granted, would also have been funny if it just kind of melted a bit and started smelling like burnt sugar.
Pinkie, through her tongue, quoting Lovecart, in Zalgo.... that is at once all the awesome, and all the terrifying given the implication that trying to speak Moon Dog really just conveys what is on your mind.
And Rahs trying to deal with everyone understanding his snark now.... I love this 'episode'
"Woof' Indeed given how every mare is lusting after you.
Okay, the 'Shoulda figured she'd be a bitch' line was a bit too far story.
Not sure who to feel more sorry for with that whole situation, Rahs, or Fluttershy. Going with Rahs.
And going from the 'bitch' ehhh to some really good Rarity, see story, you can do it!
Rahs is so awesome, he can even make a dress look good.
"OR SO HELP ME I WILL TURN THIS BLOOM AROUND!"
Just... just.... ALL THE
Rhyming with Pineapple..... nice.
Yeah, I can see Rich's 'class' "If somecreature wants to give us money, you take their money! I don't care if it's Tirek in a tutu!"
Totally called the issue with Twi and Spike passing out being Rahs getting drained by the change and sucking a ton of magic out of them. Though dd bit, it said he picked them up and ran to the hospital, that before and after this we are told Ponyville doesn't have.
Oh and really love the touch of already admitting Twi could just power through an inhibitor, love that touch.
And now back to student rather then 'former' student? The whole thing between them seems a lot better and less forcibly drama filled here.
Well now, well well well, Why do I have the feeling Cadance is going to cultivate a little herb garden of Poison Joke now? Also, all hail the Princess of Kinkyness!
Hmmm, finally getting Luna telling some stuff about the Moon Dogs, and hints on why she's so reticent on telling Rahs and Twi more. The idea of her creating helpers to deal with dreams really works, granted I'd also be fine with her just being that damn good, I mean, she doens't visit every dream, just those having bad ones, and dream time being different then real time, it could work. But her having helpers in it also fits. Also, WHOOO Luna the Insatiable!
Okay, two nitpicks, one very minor, Shiny Armoire? Really?
Spike being a good little brother and profiting from his older siblings embarrassment, yes please.
DERPY! Also, well then, seems ALL the Princess are dirty, dirty little deviants. I love it!
Okay the aforementioned bad part I wasn't too thrilled at. In ascending order.
The burning the book rather then Twi dismissing it, while it works, it also fully ruins the symbolism of events going on. Serving to partially push Twi here as 'better' then everypony else.
Zecora's accent.... why... just why.... that was almost painful to read. Also her not giving her little "Beware!" speech pulls some of the punch out of things and makes the Mane 6 comes off worse, since that added to everything else, does give more reason for them seeing this as her fault, as it could come across as her making a threat.
And then the big one, the whole 'anti-racism' stuff at the end..... this wasn't racism, at all, by any definition of the term. Mostly due to the fact it had nothing to do with her being not a pony, we know this for a fact, because nopony even knew she wasn't one until Twilight told them. Now, was it Xenophobia? Yes, but in the most literal translation of that word, fear of strangers/others. But even then, it wasn't JUST that she was different, as again, nopony knew she was anything but a pony with an odd coat pattern. They were scared of her, because sh was acting spooky to them. Living in an eldritch location of evil (That yes later on got toned down, but at this point, was basically their version of the Plains of Leng) coming in all cloaked and acting spooky. (Also was it ever made clear Fluttershy lived near the Everfree? I know she's near a forest, but could it be White Tail Woods instead?)
Plus, they kind of have good reason to be cautious of stuff like that, for one, this is Ponyville, we've seen them freak out over a bunny stampede, they are a very excitable lot. Add on being ponies, both a prey species, leading to them naturally being more skittish, and also more predisposed to herd mentality, so once enough of them were scared, it would spread easily. Plus, the town has already had enough disasters and monster attacks to need insurance for the whole town, plus in this 'verse, the whole Diamond Dog attacks are still fresh in their minds, another reason to be cautious of odd figures. Gien the world they live in, they have every reason to be cautious about stuff. Now yeah they took it way to far to the extreme, but the foundation is there for why this isn't a wholly bad thing.
Also, the line about AJ having met Zebras and having personal issues with them just to drive in the racism, and on the 'southren' character as well....
But aside from that bit, this was a hilarious amazing story.
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Okay looking back i noticed a few things that i didn't correct or bring up again in the review.
In this case it is racism as it has been hinted Celestia made the Zebra race . Likely out of pony stock. I know they are not the same in real life but magical pony land and all that. As for the Bostentonian accent i really just couldn't resist a complete 'not what you expected' moment. Though i can't recall if i mentioned the reason for it later so i'll add it now. Zecora saw Rahs as a Moon Dog and grew up on stories of the creatures that hunted her kind in the old days and forced them all to move to a district of Bayston [Bosten] where she grew up. Zebras are far more integrated with ponies in TGaP than in the normal show.
And yes Twilight was quite upset over the book and that's why the fight with her and Dash happened at the library.
The bitch line was too perfect to pass up and i refuse to feel sorry for it.
As for AJ having issues with zebras in the past, well that past was a bad break up and we'll leave it at that.
Every shot i've seen has Fluttershy liveing near a massive wooded area and seeing a few official maps of ponyville that area connects to the Everfree.
What did Dash do to Twilight's book to cause Twilight fly into rage mode and chase her at Zecora's Hut?
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caused her to scream out as Dash ran into her and given she was a dragon that scream came with fire and the book is ash.
Did ya really have to? I mean W.O.O.Fs? Seriously?
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Yer dang right i did.
Just one thought...
If the effects of poison joke transfer over their connections...
They should expect some sibling kinkshaming/teasing.
*squints at Cadence and Shiney... Then at Trixie.*
*dies harder than any have died before*
Ne1 else wonder what trixie's woof translates 2?
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Rahs: What kind of stage would you do that performance on?
As soon as I read the name Mr Parks, I started reading his part in Ron Swanson's voice from "Parks and Recreation". Somehow it fits him!
I've just noticed Celestia's magazine spells "WOOFS"
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*cackles*
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Nice I got Christopher Titus from one of his Armageddon reports where the opean was how to tell if your a racist
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Shit how'd i miss that I've read this like 4 times lol
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Ah ... Nuff said
Hilarious
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you just know the narrator had fun filming this one
Woof.
Even with all the build-up it still jumped me out of nowhere... and now there's coffee all over my new keyboard.
Seriously... Rahs will be the father of a lot of puppys and foals one day
Celestia is a squirt canon
We need a top 20 list of hottest species from Celestia and Luna one day
Oh Sweet Merciful Luna!! That's bucking HILARIOUS!!!!!