911384 it isnt that kind of story.

911470tone it down?

im gonna have to wash my eyes and listen to korn for an hour after reading this

not bad so far

Luna's language is all wrong:
“Thou will DIE!!!"
Should be:
"Thou shalt DIE!!!"
Thou art when speaking in singular= thou ist
Words like is, needs, and does=add a t to the end
Use more old-fashioned language like shalt instead of will.
There'st much more to be discerned about thist most fascinating subject, but thist mighst help thou write better Olde Equestrian.