im am not a manly man and im not old timey but damn man fucking gay pride much one chapter in and im already throwing up rainbows because of all the emotion tone dat shit down otherwise its got a good plot
Well... On inspection, multiple cpitalization errors, troll from nowhere, flip-flop Celestia, Zecora bearing weapons... it's... rough going. To be nice.
too quick for events to happen, you need to stretch out the emphasis on the moments to make it more real otherwise its ok, 4/10 but if you fix it id say 6 or 7 out of 10
Just one thing I forgot to mention: There is a grammar error at the start: The tales of heroes is like the running water. That should be "are" not "is." Also, depending on what you mean in the second sentence, there might need to be a comma after "by." You seem to have fixed a few things but there are still capitalization problems. All sentences start with a capital letter, even if it's a quotation inside of a paragraph.
As for the Celestia part she goes from firmly preparing to execute no-name to suddenly breaking down into a pile of mush just because he looked vulnerable. That seemed a bit abrupt.
Meh, would have been better if it was Celestia being used as a slave. I am disappoint.
im am not a manly man and im not old timey but damn man fucking gay pride much one chapter in and im already throwing up rainbows because of all the emotion tone dat shit down otherwise its got a good plot
Well... On inspection, multiple cpitalization errors, troll from nowhere, flip-flop Celestia, Zecora bearing weapons... it's... rough going. To be nice.
too quick for events to happen, you need to stretch out the emphasis on the moments to make it more real otherwise its ok, 4/10 but if you fix it id say 6 or 7 out of 10
Just one thing I forgot to mention: There is a grammar error at the start: The tales of heroes is like the running water. That should be "are" not "is." Also, depending on what you mean in the second sentence, there might need to be a comma after "by." You seem to have fixed a few things but there are still capitalization problems. All sentences start with a capital letter, even if it's a quotation inside of a paragraph.
As for the Celestia part she goes from firmly preparing to execute no-name to suddenly breaking down into a pile of mush just because he looked vulnerable. That seemed a bit abrupt.