- Member Since 20th May, 2017
- offline last seen Sep 25th, 2020
Shadow Warrior
Nit all ideas are crazy!
Shadow Warrior
Joined 20th May, 2017 ·
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I was about to post a snarky comment about this ridiculousness but the. I remembered it's fimfic porn
Personally not gonna read, I just wanted to say, bravo for the set it off (partners in crime) reference, I love that song
Epic Story bro
You really should get an editor. There are tons of obvious typos.
Ignore the typos. I'll correct them later.
Jesus Christ add the Noncon tag
The mind control came too easily in this story, and the clop scenes are a bit mundane, especially since they are completely down with it. I did appreciate all the emphasis on fashions, styles, clothing, and makeup, and think if the story continues to focus on that (since that is supposedly High Heel's focus, using them as models) that it would be able to stand out enough to be an interesting read. But the vibrators and dildos/butt plugs seemed rather mundane in their use here. If that stuff was applied while they were going about their daily routines, that would be different, but as they are they are just living dolls.
I entertained the possibility that the sisters are immune to the mind control effects and are just humoring High Heels provided it doesn't impact other ponies too much, and treating it as an extended prank. It reads kinda differently with that idea in mind, even if it may not be true. Certainly the emphasis on the mind control being permanent and unbreakable is kinda laughable the way its presented.
Did you know High Heel is a supervillain from the Power Ponies universe? She's pretty hot.
8856647
At least one person left a through review. Thank You! Opinions like this will help me develop future chapters. I'll be sure to take your suggestions into account for the next chapter.
8856730
Yes, I knew. I figured she'd be a good villain/mistress for a MC story of this theme. She has many plans for Celestia and Luna, all involving fashion exploitation and sexy hijinks.
Why would she stop at making them just her models? Now that they are under her control, she can now rule all of Equestria through them.
8857008
High Heel wants to dominate the competition, not the world. But you are right, Now that she controls them she had a lot of influence. And she does plan to use it.
Hi
These are just my personal thoughts. First off nice teasing with the dress and makeup scenes. The only thing I would suggest to work on is the delivery. For example with the hypnotic potion in the tea. Suddenyl becoming hypnotized... hoesntly it works but I think there are better ways to get the point across. For example and this is just me so if you don’t like it that’s ok. This is your story. Instead of dropping off the hypnosis. What you could have done is added or work the scene where their slowly hypnotized. For example Heel could have mixed the tea in. Making the potion more weak.
As the princesses continue to drink the tea the potion slowly start’s taking afecct. Heel still in her maid costum begins whispering to them from over the shoulder. Getting them into their doll like state. And then from there give on. Also if your looking for an editor I wouldn’t mind helping. I hate to see good work go unfished like yours.
Also question... what’s going to happen to Rarity?
Loved the detail in the descriptions and the pictures that went along with things. Really helped to visualize!
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As I said in another comment, High Heel wants to dominate the competion. Rarity just might be getting a visit from her. (Spoiler)
I hope this updates soon
We does it look like this updated but there's no new chapter?
8882765
I'm writing a new chapter now.
Hope this mare remembers they need to raise the subcontinent and moon Plus would no one rain an eh grow st their acting? That ans Luna up during the day She a night owl and dream duties
8882946
When will this be updated with the new chapter?
I would love to see High Heel get control of Cadence and Twilight as well.
8887754
So it shall be, wish granted! Look forward to Twilight and Cadence getting their makeovers eventually.
Here's how I'd love to see it end:
Rarity and Starlight team up and give High Heel a taste of her own medicine.
Once she's under their control, they decide to share her in the following fashion (pun not intended):
Starlight decides to become the new ruler of Equestria, using High Heel to control the princesses, while Rarity uses High Heel to gain an even stronger hoofhold in the fashion world.
Of course, it's your story, and you can end it however you want.
Again, that's just what I'd like to see.
8893503
Now that's creative thinking! I might make an alternate ending like that. But for now, Rarity might end up as High Heel's minion. If this story is that popular, I might make branching story lines.
And remind me to pick your brain for ideas in the future.
8894614
Sounds good.
Good stuff, btw i would use this pic for Luna
https://www.derpibooru.org/1424955?q=princess+luna%2C+lingerie%2C+suggestive
Oh my.
If High Heel has control over any school run under Celestia and/or Luna's names, her recruitment pool suddenly increased dramatically. Assuming the right things are taught there, of course.
I'd be very much down with following that one up with actual bondage. Maybe under the guise of designs intended to hold dangerous (and beautiful, but that would be telling!) prisoners.
Nooo! Not a hiatus.... Oh well I like the story so I can wait for more.
Now she just needs to do the same to Cadance, Shining Armor, and Twilight Sparkle.
Use Celestia to take over Twilight's mind
8914096
(spoiler!)
Expect it in the next chapter.
8918912
That's actually a good idea! I might do that when High Heel gets around to her.
Oh, this is gonna be good.
8929763
Is this sarcasm?
8930297
I did enjoy reading it. But there were a lot of errors like that one all over the chapter, the kind of errors that come from running autocorrect and not reading the results.
8930392
IT TRUE! I'm a bad speller...
I like this, costumes, pictures, and a simple story. I would say don't go too far out, and slowly build the story from here.
I'd love to see Rarity being made to create horn shaped dildos for their use.
I honestly thought you were going to have Rarity design some sexy clothes for Luna and Celestia. High heel seeming to alter her designs as the tea allowed her to whisper in her ear easily. Maybe even get Rairty to admit some fetishes.
What i’d Like to see if a bit of Rairty being dirty and naughty. But that’s just me. After all Rarity seems like she’d be a toy that you throw to the side once done with and use rarely.
8939486
Why would High Heel want to just indirectly influence Rarity, when she can control her directly. She can take control of Rarity's talents and stores all at once this way.
And Rarity will be getting naughty. One day working for High Heel, and Celestia and Luna already are. Can you say "Personal Dominatrix". (Spoiler Alert)
And why would High Heel just throw her away. That'd be a total waste of a resourse.
8940041
I meant by throw away as an example. As High Heel would mainly focus on Celestia and Luna align with the other two alicorns. As for the thing with Rarity I was mainly thinking of just cementing her control over the unicorn. After all High Heel could learn a few tips from Rarity. But in the end Rarity will wear a slave outfit designed by High Heel. You could even use that as a chapter. Make High Heel and Rairty have a strip show where they show off different types of clothes. But those are just thoughts. High heel winning to mainly toy with Rairty.
Can I ask you something on PM?
8944708
If you mean my fimfiction mail, then yes.
Small idea for a scene. Where High heel begins working to take over the entire fashion network of Equestria. Using a fashion show as her method. Making her ‘models’ wearing revealing outfits as they walk down the isle. The music and lights slowly hypnotizing the audience.
Just an idea that popped into my head while reading the announcement.
I'd love if High Heel had Rarity work on some line of submissive fetish wear for mares which the princesses can then show off. Maybe stiff collars, straps on strategic positions that can quickly be tightened to bind her. "Obeisance & Elegance", for example, marketed at both mares and stallions who want something more spicy. That can be combined with Knight Gear's idea above, by having the actual fashion shows manipulate the audience into buying and using those fetish costumes.
8960002
I think you and Knight Gear just gave my the inspiration for a future chapter. I could definitely do something like this. I even know a number of images I could use for the visuals.
(No Anthros)
8962545
One thing I would recommend is start small and work your way up. For example have high heel do an experimental version on Sassy Saddles the mare the runs Rarity’s canterlot shop. It’ll give you a chance to work out any problems or kinks you come across.