Hi. I'm a fanfic writer. I write about 1 fanfic per year, or more if I'm feeling particularly inspired.
After suffering several casualties following a battle against the aerial Changeling army, Major Rainbow Dash of the Valkyrie Squadron must stand before an inquiry to discuss the circumstances of the battle with Princess Celestia. How long can she maintain her composure while revisiting the deaths of her friends?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Well for the most part, grammar and formatting was good. Interesting narration method, going into first-person for flashbacks.
I thought this was really rather good! It's not normally my favourite kinda fic, but you pulled it off quite well indeed. I especially liked that Rainbow did apologise to her superior for her outburst. It felt far more real than continuing the tirade would have.
You missed a couple of homophones- I'll just get them here:
"She doesn't fall far before I catch her around the waste, the shock of my grabbing her causing an extra spurt of blood and muscle to fall from her stump to the ocean below." waste should instead be waist, there (also muscle doesn't tend to spurt);
It won't occur to me for another hour or so, but this Changeling may actually be trying to mock the most common misconception about our monarchy, that we’re led soully by our tallest. soully should be solely.
Also You change Pound Cake's gender halfway through- he's male at the start (which is ccorrect, I think) and then female later on. It might be worth going through and making it consistent.
I'd like to stress though that those are essentially my only problems with a good, depressing fic. I enjoyed the read!
Okay, I ironed out a lot of the problems that my reviewers both here and elsewhere have brought to my attention. That should make it a much more pleasant read, so please enjoy.905459
It's sad, but that's what war is. The ideal art of war would be to win without a fight, but that's impossible in most situations. I definitely like this fic. Not many mistakes, if any. Sad fics are often better than other kinds. Fantastic job, to say the least.
Whoring out your fics on gaia is frowned upon.
This was a good story, however there were many mistakes in grammar and punctuation, especially in the usage of apostrophes. These issues are more common towards the beginning of the story, and they occur less towards the end. However, me being a grammar Nazi has caused me to notice all these mistakes when I read them, and it detracts from the mood that you're trying to create. Also, the scene where Soarin and Thunderlane brohoof feels out of place, and made me laugh when I read it, which totally ruined the mood of the scene. With more editing, this story would be much more effective and enjoyable to read.
This is by far one of the best fics in this genre I've ever seen. I applaud you; excellent work.
The emotion and storytelling were seriously on point. Simply amazing work.
Ride of the Valkyries, hm? I'm going to give you something special. I'm giving you a Holy Muffin - My award to the greatest fics I've ever seen.
Yours,
~Spirit
906584
I am pleased to say I approve of whatever changes you made, and I dearly hope that I can someday see more of your writing.