I was hurt. Hurt at the world. I knew there was nobody to turn to. Even Twilight who was one of the nicest ponies I know. Laughed at me.
Hurt.
I sat down on the street and cried. Hard. I decided to go to Zecora's. Maybe she had heart's desire to make all my problems go away. I knew it wasn't likely but I had to try. As I ventured deeper into the woods I heard howling.
Timberwolves.
I knew at once what they were. Everypony knows. I saw 5 sets yellow eyes staring at me through the thick brush. I started to panic as they circled me snarling. I flew up higher with them still in a circle under me. Suddenly one of them jumped up and tried to bite me. I panicked and flew up. I didn't even see when my right wing smashed into a branch.
I spiraled down and down my left wing still beating. I finally landed in some bushes. By now the Timberwolves have seen me. I backed away slowly. My right wing still hurting like crazy. Then I RAN.
I ran like crazy all the way to the edge of the wolves looking back. The wolves slowly grew tired and went away. I was so focused on the wolves I didn't realize when I smacked my head against a tree branch.
5 eyes? Is one wearing an eyepatch?
I'd like to point out how many views this has gotten and say how amazed I am. You said that you were unsure of your story, yet you have tons and tons of views. You also have fifteen likes. Sure, it isn't as many as some of the ones that are promoted on the site or on Equestria Daily, but that is still a lot. People really do enjoy your story.
- "Hurt at the world." I am no sure what this means. Hurt 'at' the world? Is she hurt because of the world?
-"Even Twilight who was one of the nicest ponies I know. Laughed at me." ----> "Even Twilight, who was one of the nicest ponies I know laughed at me."
-Still find it hard to believe Twilight would let her sleep in her house and then mock her and send her away. I think it might be a good idea to either have the background Mane 6 or to change it to something where she though twilight was laughing at her, but she really was not. This s your story, though, and I am not trying to force you to do anything.
-"I sat down on the street and cried. Hard." i like this line.
-"Maybe she had heart's desire to make all my problems go away." If Heart's Desire is a plant or potion or item it should be capitalized as I have shown.
-I like the idea that she knows Zecora. People don't use her enough. Nice idea to use her.
-"I knew at once what they were. Everypony knows." I really like this line.
-" ..5 yellow eyes staring at me through the thick brush." While I like the idea I would change it to either six yellow eyes or three pairs of yellow eyes.
-"I didn't even see when my right wing smashed into a branch." Ooh, tension builder! Nice!
-"I spiraled down and down my left wing still beating. I finally landed in some bushes. By now the Timberwolves have seen me. I backed away slowly. My right wing still hurting like crazy. Then I RAN." I like howyou are making this scene tense. Good job. A few corrections, though. Put a comma between 'down and down' and 'my' (down and down, my). Ran also does not need to be in all caps. We can feel the tension of the scene and all caps at that point does not add to it.
-"I ran like crazy all the way to the edge of the wolves looking back." Je ne comprende pas. I do not understand. She ran to the edge of the wolves? Or did she run to the edge of a cliff or the edge of a clearing, looking back at the wolves?
-" I was so focused on the wolves I didn't realize when I smacked my head against a tree branch." Does his make her pass out? If it does, let us know.
This chapter was full of excitement mixed in with a dash of sadness. I enjoyed reading it. Often times writers have a problem moving from one thing to the next. You don't seem to exhibit that. Also, I think that the shortness of chapters really adds to this. If they were super long at this point it might take away from what you are saying. For now the shortness is good, but later you may have something come up that requires a longer chapter. When that happens I think you will know.