High Expectations

by Judgeitive

True Form

“We made it, girls - there’s the stream.” Applebloom said. Up ahead, the moon shone on a brilliantly white glade. A quietly trickling brook ran through the middle, the starlight refracted off its glistening surface. The flowers were of purest white, their center, a burnished gold. The group of fillies stood for a moment, enraptured by the beauty and tranquility of the sight.

The stillness of the night was short lived, however. A rustling sound in the bushes shook the nearby trees, and the darkness was suddenly filled with pairs of glowing yellow eyes.

They all screamed as the eyes moved forward and a salivating beast, far larger than any of them broke through the tree line ahead of them. It appeared to be a wolf, but was comprised of a motley collection of darkish brown sticks. It howled up at the moon and soon others of its ilk began slinking out of the trees around them, their mouths opening to reveal thorn teeth.

The fillies huddled closely together as the timberwolves advanced, their faces soon in the shadows cast by the monsters.

“Ok girls, on my mark, we run.” Mysteria told them with far more bravery than she felt. They glanced fearfully up at her, but seeing her determined stance, followed suit.

“Okay then, ready, steady,...”

“Girls!”

They all wheeled around as Twilight flew towards their attackers, a nimbus of crackling energy before her. In that moment Mysteria knew that she wasn’t looking at her neurotic, insensitive teacher any more. She was looking at the element of magic, the third most powerful being in Equestria.

Leaping in front of the fillies, Twilight let out a shout and touched her horn, still fizzing with magic, to the ground. A wall of purple light materialised, made from energy constantly exuding from her horn. Snarling, the timberwolves thrust against it, their claws and fangs scraping mercilessly against its reflective surface., but to no avail.

“What are you fools waiting for?” Twilight yelled, screwing her eyes up in concentration, her horn getting brighter as she maintained the spell, despite the continued attempts against her shield. “Run!”

Glancing fearfully at the timberwolves, the crusaders ran back to a safe distance, all except Mysteria. Steeling her nerves she walked up to her mentor.

“What about you, Twilight?” she asked quietly, so the others wouldn’t hear. “You can’t keep this up forever - Timberwolves negate magic they come into contact with.”

Twilight bowed her weary head in response.

“I know” she gasped between deep breaths “You girls run, I’ll drop the shield and teleport away.”

Mysteria shook her head sadly at this, “No Twilight, you won’t.”

Twilight stared angrily at her pupil, but seeing the comprehension in those eyes, she slowly closed her own.

“You probably don’t have enough magic left for a teleport spell, and they’re not always easy to cast, or effective.” Mysteria continued, putting her hoof on the purple unicorn’s shoulder.

“You’re...my student.” Twilight sobbed, collapsing to the ground, yet still maintaining the shield. “I treated you terribly and thanks to me you almost got hurt. Anything that happens to me, anything at all - I deserve it.”

Mysteria glanced at the shield - it was spluttering slightly and the timberwolves on the other side looked ready to pounce.

“No, you don’t, Twilight.” she said forcefully. “You came for me now, and you’ve saved my life already tonight. I know that you were only trying to help me do my best, and I’m sorry if I’m a disappointment - but please let me do this for you.”

She stood up straight and began drawing the power to her horn, the tip glowing softly with a red light. As she tried to gather more power she felt it falter. No, she thought to herself,not this time!

She tried again, knowing that failure was tantamount to death, but yet again the magic refused to rise and serve her. Think Mysteria, Think! she thought desperately, what did Star Swirl say about magic? Glancing at her teacher’s cutie mark, comprehension dawned.

“The Elements of Harmony,” she whispered to herself. Mysteria looked back at her new friends as they watched fearfully. The shield was barely visible now, crackling with each impact. She began to call forth her power for the last time, focused now on her friend and teacher. They have shown kindness, generosity and honesty, and given me laughter and loyalty. Now I complete the cycle, with Magic!

Mysteria’s horn now glowed a powerful red, bathing the forest in its angry light. The shield fell, but the timberwolves stood their ground, nervous about this strange illumination. Stepping forward slowly, Mysteria opened her eyes - light poured forth, a powerful glow, shining in the darkness of the night.

“Get away from my teacher!” She said, her voice reverberating deeply around them. She walked forward, sparks cascading from her horn with each step.

One of the beasts snarled, and leapt at her. She turned towards it and smirked. Three beams of light pierced it in midair, arching from her horn and eyes. For a second, it hung there frozen, before shattering into charred splinters. She screamed joyfully, and ran towards the others. As she did, coils of power spread out from her until she was at the center of a whirling maelstrom of crackling red energy. She jumped over the first wolf, her magic igniting its back. Still in midair, she kicked it’s head, and with a small explosion, it disintegrated. Another wolf lunged at her but she sidestepped, and pushed her hoof into its chest. There was a sharp crack as its ribs snapped and its eyes grew dark.

The others ran away, but did not get far, beams of energy spearing them, and burning holes in their hides. Laughing slightly, Mysteria turned slowly to the Cutie Mark Crusaders. They had walked up to the unconscious Twilight and were checking to see if she was ok. She smiled triumphantly at them, but they only looked at her with fear, their faces masks of horror in her blood red glow. Stamping her hoof, she growled, anger apparent on her face.

As she began advancing towards them, the moon emerged from behind a cloud. A shaft of light shone down on Mysteria, bathing her in its warm glow.

“This is not who you are,” she heard a voice resonate through her. Her primal rage battered against the voice, but quickly grew still, overpowered.

She breathed out and the glow vanished. Stumbling slightly, she glanced weakly at the other fillies and fell to the ground, unconscious.

When she awoke, the sun was beginning to rise, and the birds were singing in the trees. She sat up and saw Twilight looking over at her. They sat that way for a while, both staring, neither saying anything. Looking awkwardly at the ground, Twilight broke the silence.

“I wanted to thank you for saving me, back there. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

This was too much for Mysteria, and she broke down in tears. Twilight smiled sympathetically, and walking forward she gently raised the fillies head and wiped away her tears.

“I remember what I did to those wolves. I wanted to scare them off but I... I killed them.”

“Hush.” Twilight said, helping the pony to her feet. “You did what you had too, no more, no less.”

“That’s not the main problem though, after the wolves were dead I felt...no, I wanted to attack my friends.”

Twilight turned to face Mysteria and stared firmly at her.

“But you didn’t, you resisted, and now you’re fine.”

They both smiled, then waking the Crusaders, began the trek back to town.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Several days later, Mysteria trotted into the main room of the library, levitating a stack of books behind her.

“Where do you want these, Twilight?” she asked, looking around. Her teacher wasn’t here, but she did hear voices from outside. Setting down the books, she went out. Twilight was talking to a brilliant alicorn, of white coat and multi coloured mane.

“Princess Celestia!” She squealed, rushing forward and standing in front of her.

“Yes Mysteria, it is so good to see you again. Twilight tells me you have overcome the block on your magic, and you are now making good progress on your studies.“ Celestia spoke kindly to the filly, her voice rich with admiration. “Twilight,” she continued, turning to her pupil, “Can you tell me if Mysteria has taught you anything about the magic of friendship?”

Twilight shared a smile with her student before answering.

“I have learnt that you shouldn’t always expect ponies to be able to do everything, especially not as well as you can - you might end up pushing them away, and somepony could get hurt. She also showed me if you have faith in your friends, you can overcome any obstacle.”

“Including yourself.” Mysteria piped in at the end, nodding her head, smiling.

“Well, it appears you have both learnt some valuable lessons, girls. I wish I could stay longer, but I’m afraid I must leave you to your studies.” With that, the princess gracefully lept into the air, flying back towards Canterlot.

The two unicorns walked back into the library - there was studying to do.

Comments

[Judgeitive]

Right that's the end of this one. I will be making more stories, and they will all be in the same 'universe'. I will probably do another Mysteria story at a later point. Thanks for reading

[monkeymmk]

This was a great story and i loved the ending. Can't wait to see what your next story will be.

[RaveCowboy]

Good story, I liked it. It did seem to jump around a little fast some times, but it was engaging and keep me reading from start to finish in one sitting

I think i would have liked it more if it was a little longer so you could have gotten into more details about the characters and things like that, but you did a really good job.

~RC

[Judgeitive]

1137590

Thank you for reading this story, I am glad you found it enjoyable. I agree with you about it's pace, it was my first story and I was still finding my feet somewhat. One of my main aims after finishing this was to make my furthur fics longer, and more detailed.

I am at the moment writing a sequel to this using Mysteria. I am making it much longer to hopefully have better character development.

[vren55]

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: HIgh Expectations
Grammar score out of 10: 7 you have some problem with commas and some of your sentences sound awkward
Pros (list three pros)
Mysteria is introduced as at least, an OC with flaws and pros
The plot, while short, is at least complete, as you have beginning, middle and conflict
Characterization of the CMC and most of mane six is accurate. I especially like your SPike characterization
Cons (list three cons)
I don't think Twilight would have acted that way... You may have your reasons, but IMO she wouldn't be so... harsh, well yes she'd be demanding, but calling Mysteria "becoming aware of her own failings" is rather... OOC from her
While you have a beginning middle and end, you make Mysteria run away too quickly and we aren't able to sympathize with her very well because we know basically nothing about her. You need a flashback or try to explain her background. Or you should reveal more of her character through action with Twilight and environment, but right now we don't have much to go upon. We know her habits, her motivations...but not really what makes her tick. You need more.
Notes Section (how you can improve your fic, at the very least an elaboration of Pros and Cons section)
I think your main problem here is the characterization of Mysteria. I can pass Twilight, it's quite possible she can act that way. However, I WANT MORE MYSTERIA... Right now she's remaining a mystery, which may be what you're going for, but I would like to know her more. You can use more action with Twilight to bring out her possible alter-rage ego... maybe an accident with her magic while Twilight's around, that would reveal a lot of her background, or at least her disabilities. All -in- all though, you have a good first fic. A developed OC, who interacts in a good way with the mane six and I like how you've understood the idea of progression. Some people just make their OCs automatic friends of Mane 6 which drives me nuts, but you knew better and developed the relationships of Mysteria with Mane 6 and Spike.
Enjoy your review! (If you don't know what to do with it... I've posted a forum post on how to use reviews) Please help me out by looking at my story/ this story: Canterlot: Her Creation and Her Architects you don't have to read this end to end, only if you want to.

[Judgeitive]

2003033

First of all thank you for the review.

I realized upon completion that this was a short story, but went a bit too far in my next main one and made it too long for me, oh well.

Yeah I had just watched lesson zero so the only twilight in my mind was crazy must be 100% perfect Twilight, sorry about that. My reasons for mystery about Mysteria (oh god I just noticed that ) is that I wanted to develop her more in other fics. Having said that I myself wasn't sure and so I am not surprised others are not sure of her character as well.

The main thing is my friend advised me to write a fic that could be thought of as an episode. I therefore wrote this with time constraints in mind, I agree that this impacted on the story, and If I had been wiser I would have at least had a flashback scene with Celestia or something.

May I just say that you write a very good review with useful criticism. I am glad the people who review do that. I shall of course read your story, the whole thing in fact, though it may take me a while. Oh and don't expect me to give an appropriate score on the grammar as I am terrible at noticing mistakes.

[vren55]

2003700 No problem! That's the point of the group right? Help someone else so they can help you. Don't feel too down. You're a new writer and new writers ALWAYS make mistakes... I know I make quite a few.

I'm looking forward to your review on Canterlot.