Twilight Sparkle and her student Mysteria go to the annual Winter Solstice in Canterlot. Great changes are afoot however, and they become swept up in a dark plot with grand ambitions.
Note: This story is more enjoyable if you have already read my earlier fic, High Expectations
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No, Luna!
Dark things are afoot, or ahoof, or whatever...
I look forward to the rest!
Interesting... I can't wait to see where you are going with this.
I haven't noticed any spelling mistakes, so tracking.
Keep up the good work!
omg omg omg I love i hope you add more to this.
Yeah i'm giving it a 'dark' tag because of that last bit. I am sorry this story is taking me so long to write. Thanks for reading
Ok, so I'm working my way though this story, which I'm enjoying so far by the way, and while I will get to the review once I've finished the story I saw this line and I had to ask
Is that a Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance reference or just a coincidence?
1956276
Guilty as charged.
Haven't got round to Radiant Dawn yet, but I doubt there will be such an awesome scene as that.
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Winter Solstice
Grammar: 8/10.
Pros:
I really like the premise of this story, and it's executed well.
The fight between Twilight and Grayeyes was great. It reminded me of the fight scenes from "The Immortal Game" by AestheticB only less blood. (that's some pretty high praise from me because "The Immortal Game" is probably one of my favorites, if not my absolute favorite story.)
Your writing is solid. It's easy to follow and understand.
Cons:
There were a few segments where the narration got a little choppy, but it was minor. It felt a little awkward but it didn't make the story hard to understand.
The part where Twilight flew off the handle on Gently and threw him in the thorn bush seemed a little over the top for her character.
I noticed a few missing commas and quotation marks but nothing that really drew attention away from the story.
Notes: Overall I enjoyed this story and look forward to reading more. You've earned a like and fave from me. All of the cons I mentioned were minor issues that I only really noticed because I was looking for them, and they were never bad enough to take away from the story.
Enjoy your review! I won't ask for a review in return as this is a return review and you already said you were putting my other stories in your read later. I will, however, recommend "Her Sword, Shield, and Friend" as a starting point for whenever you decide to read them.
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Winter Solstice
Grammar: 8/10.
Pros:
- I enjoyed your descriptions very much, even the action scenes, which in my opinion are very hard to describe, were really amazing!!
- I really liked the way you added some medieval feel to your story, like how the princess is sitted during the tournament, or the way the Star family is depicted specially the formal way Gently speaks sometimes.
- Finally, I liked the premise of the story and am intrigued to see what will happen next.
Cons:
-To me, the biggest con would be your narration, sometimes seeming just confusing, other times you skip entire days from one plot point to another that would not necessarily require that much time and do feel quite sudden, and lastly, even though you have great characters, sometimes I just felt that you rushed them into changing their minds or learing some new information without enough events to support that change. (Sorry if it seems rough, but its the worst one, i promise.)
- Twilight sometimes does feel a bit out of character.
- The villain is in my opinion, a bit oversimplified, though I liked her backstory, but since she is yet to be propery introduced, that might still change.
Notes: This is the first story I read from you, and since it is a sequel, that might be the real reason of my confusion.
Also, i think the problem with Twilight may be her sudden rushes of anger and use of violence, since she is normally a very patient pony.
Still, its a pretty good story and I would love to see how it ends. (Hope Luna is OK!!) Btw, you get all the likes I can give.
Again, thanks for your review of Myth it was incredibly helpful, and I will be doing some changes based on the input i have been given, in case you are interested to stop by and have a look.
1961131
First of all thank you for the review.
I am very flattered that you would rate my action scene up there with one of your favorites. It was very enjoyable to write and probably my favorite part of the fic.
The narration is definitely something I need to work on. I think I am laboring under the impression that if it makes sense to me it makes sense to everybody. (and I know what is supposed to be happening anyway
)
Now the Twilight bit I actually have a weak explanation for, If you were to read my earlier fic high expectations, I sort of explain that she exhibits neurotic behavioral extremes with Mysteria. I thought this could be carried over to protectiveness.
I shall definitely read those stories, though I would ask if you want a review or just an honest to earth comment when I have finished.
1968639
Thank you for the review
Right the narration rears it's ugly head again. This may have been due to the gap I took between writing each chapter, or that my mind alternated between thinking the story was going too fast, or too slow. Either way I shall try and address this in later chapters and fics.
Ah Twilight, as I said above she has reasons to be so extreme, and I explain the violence to how (in medieval times) a mother would react seeing their teenage daughter with a young man alone and kissing in the garden. Since this is Twilight she assumed the worst and flipped out. Then again I may not portray this well enough, sorry for that.
Now the villain is definetly an issue, I never really stopped to consider her character beyonf what she represented and did. There isn't really much I can do about it now as most of the dialogue she will have is along the lines of "and zen ze vurld!". Thats not really spoilers though because she is rather two dimensional....now I feel bad for her.
Of course I shall look at what you are doing with Myth silly. Like I said it is interesting and I want to see where you take it.
My origional plan back when I started High Expectations was to write a trilogy around Mysteria with this being the second. Is it worth me even considering that or should I start a different fic?
1968863
Hmmm, that depends on why you want it to be a trilogy. If its just for the sake of it being a trilogy, then i would advise against it.
However, if your story still has something to tell, then you shouldnt keep your readers from it.
It sounds to me like you just have a sevre case of the worries.
So my advise would be: Dont worry and write whatever you feel you should! And dont be afraid of the things that are not your strong points, because they are just some practice away of getting better.
And if things dont go the way you want, you can always re-write them. Nothing is set on stone, and even if they were, there are lots of stones in the world, so dont worry about it!!
If you really are having such a hard time with the narration you can ask for help, I even offer help you, if you wouldnt mind a newbies help.
1968852
I know exactly what you mean with the narration.That used to be one of my biggest weaknesses as well and still is at times. I'd be lost without my proofreader
Like I said, I really was looking for the cons, so there was defiantly nothing flow breaking about Twilight. It was more of an afterthought.
As for the stories, that's really up to you. I certainly won't turn down a review but I'd be just as happy with a simple comment so just whatever you feel like doing when your reading them will be great.
Hey this is RariTwiFan from Authors Helping Authors!
Winter Solstice
Grammar:9
Pros:
-You have a really nice flow going on here!
-Mysteria is awesome and I gotta say that she is one of my favorite OC's now!
-The fight scenes were awesome!
Cons:
-You do skip around with events and that does confuse me at times.
-Umbra seems a bit dry as a villain at the moment, but that could definitely change.
-Twilight seems a bit OOC at time. Not horribly so just a little bit is all.
Notes: I really like this story and the only real recommendation I can make is to keep events lined up a bit better.
This story is really good and I'll be looking forward to more chapters! Also I hope you're able to review the second chapter of my story, Colossal, and I hope this review helped you out!