My O.C. is caught in the epicenter of a nuclear blast and miraculously survives, now in Equestria he must confront demons new and old, from without and within....
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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First fic everypony, if you all would be kind enough to critique it for me I'd greatly appreciate it. I don't really care if it's harsh either, I know there's gaps in my writing style that need filling. That said I truly hope you enjoy it.
moar coming, right?
your writing style is decent, and I enjoy reading this. Kinda curious as to his role in equestria, i mean, is he gonna fight for them, etc
tracking and waiting for new chapter
I've actually got about 3 more chapters on my computer ready to go, but where I work I'm without Internet, expect those chapters to be up on Sunday without fail. I appreciate the feedback as well
hmmm... well, the only things I can say is
MOAR!
you had me laughing with the lyra and bon bon part i need more
Ask and ye shall receive, I'll have 5 and hopefully 6 up in the next 12 hours
On a little side note, how'd you guys like my fragment style dream sequence? Immersive or no?
good intro.
hmm good chapter with the whole "talking ponis is an evryday thing"shit not may readers take that aproch,and also I like how celestia isan't a xeophobic bigot when she know's about humans.keep it up.
woot woot woot i see a relation ship coming or not ethier way tis is a good story.
about that chapter 5 and 6 4 weeks ago :P
I apologize buddy, life got in the way (had to pack up and move across the country) plus my pc died, bottom line the new chapters will be up in the next few days, scouts honor.
Keep up the good work little mortal!
that was the longest 12 hours ever in history but yes a update
1260641 SHEOGORATH GET BACK TO THE SHIVERING ISLES.
seriously its jyggalug. HES ON OUR FRINGE AGAIN
also i wonder how twilight will react when she relises cigs are bad..... unless she allready knows and ive just forgotten that part of the story due to sleepyness
first
dude this is great keep em coming
Cant wait to see what happens now
nice chapter you have me hooked
spike you dirty dragon no peeking on twilight
why crimson?
Whoops! Thanks for spotting that, I'll correct it posthaste, I was still thinking Twilights magic purple aura and it was late
I like this, it's very underrated :P and I'm not just saying that, many people are deterred because this is a HiE and has a soldier in it, I usually don't read the typical 'Shoot em up, slashy, stabby, only kills kills kills' (Unless it's a good Halo one hehe) fics, this contains the right amount of accuracy without being too over the top, I do like it.
Thanks buddy, I really appreciate the feedback. I'm trying to get back into writing with this fic and blow out some of the cobwebs, bottom line: if you keep reading, I'll keep writing!
1735095 keep writing its a good story
Rog', chapter 9 is half done and I hope to have it done and posted by tomorrow evening
More. Tracking. Loving this story so far.
this is great only bad thing is one chapter a month
<3
I see your comment and raise you a chapter in the same week! Bahaha!
well i smell a shit storm coming
Ok, let’s get right into this-
OH GOS
MY EYES
What this little snippet should look like:
Bold or italics
Comma after “quit”.
Again, it should look like:
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/28853689.jpg
“She’s dead, Jim.”
Bold or italics.
-Regidar, top commenter, signing off.
well shit didnt see that coming. ha but i have to give credit to you its original, also first comment
2034029 Thanks man, that's actually what I was aiming for. It's more of a love story than a war story, I feel like a lot of these stories blur the lines between Earth and Equestria. My goal was to have those lines clearly defined from the get-go, with a little violence (namely the Diamond Dog scene) to keep our heroe's dual nature in the back of your mind. Here's a guy who's highly trained, dedicated and lethal, but also a regular guy (hopes, dreams, etc.). He's lost one woman now he's set to lose a mare, how far will he go to get her back, things like that.
nice i liked the flash back
wow.
yes action!!
This is really good, but you used commas where you needed periods a few times.
Ex:
It should look more like this;
Though overall this is very well written.
nice.
short, but nice
2100443 Thank you for the critique my friend, punctuation has always been a shortcoming of mine. I appreciate the compliment as well, I'm trying to keep the story very simple and focused which is why we didn't see much of the Mane Six. I have another story on the rolls once this is completed that will be much broader in scope and depth. No spoilers but its going to have a lot to do with the Princessess.
Showtime!
Good job man I have to say you have got my attention with the first chapter. Im going to keep going and see where this goes
Holy shit, I am crying. Im not crying as bad as I did on my little dashie but im crying all the same
Arghh, you sonofabitch why you have to leave me on a cliff hanger Im so interested on what is happening now and now I have to wait I await the next chapter to this great love story with unprecedented amounts of impatience's (but take your time I don't want you to rush anything) Very good story man and keep it up
2232481 High praise my friend, I'm glad you're enjoying the ride. I won't keep you waiting too much longer. Wow.. Made you cry huh? I'm glad that this story can invoke that kinda reaction, guess I'm doin my job lol. Till next time buddy.
./trollface chapter
2233115 Yea, I have always been into these kind of storys. Have a sense of action and violence but also heartwarming moments that trigger emotions. (I get the impression that you are a military Brony, so if you are I would like to say that I have a great amount of respect for those in the armed services, so I salute you for your service and thank you for answering the call of duty to defending the country) BROHOOF!! /)
Awesome new chapter. Now to wait for the next one to see what happens........
this story is very good.