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Voidmarines.
A new wing of Equestrias military, created shortly after the first space colony, Horizon. Many graduates of military school dream of joining their ranks and so does Shetland.
But with difficulties even acquiring the job in the first place, and faced with her mother's disapproval, can she really succeed to obtain her dream... and the dangers that come with it?
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8256191
its fixed now. Man, do I need to make you spellcheck even my descriptions now?
8256221
probably
Yo, good job shet. I'm on board so far. Looking forward to the rest!
Before I read this, what is the Dark tag for ?
And how bad does it get ?
8258823
sorry, spoilers. All I can say is that it hasn't come into play in this chapter
8258595
Aww, thank you, Spacey
Right now I'm aiming for a two-week release shedule, I will TRY to quickly claw my way through the remaining chapters though and maybe I can shorten it down
(though please, my username is Obsi on fimfic, its gonna get confusing for others if you call me Shetlant in this comment section
)
8259187
Fine, but you will always be shetlant to me.
I do hereby celebrate 100 views
That motherfucker. . . .
I would bet money that Twilight is making them deny her. Damn them!
8297663
You'll find out soon. I'm actually far ahead on writing this story (half done with 2nd last chapter) and once I'm done, you'll get them weekly
8297707
Wow, that's actually pretty impressive. I can't wait to see all those chapters.
8299621
oh, its not that impressive considering I was already beginning the third-last chapter when I posted the first ^^
dont you ever get the impression that I'm a speedy writer, I'm slow as heck
Is Twilight wearing armor in the picture, or is she a robot?
8320459
Its a sci-fi-y picture that kinda portrays the armor characters will be wearing. Twilight will in fact NOT be wearing any armor in this story
I see what you did there.
Well, this is a much better opening than your freshmen effort. It has a few punctuation errors and such here and there, but it mostly looked all right to me. Very interesting set-up, nice incorporation of the futuristic setting (particularly the notable backstory of robots - I already love Toasty Crunch), the prose flows pretty well... Yeah, I'd say this is off to a nice start. Let's see how the following chapters go.
Nice work!
8320761
Thanks for reading my story. Glad to know that increased effort lead to increased quality
Did it make you laugh?
I love it.
Im always happy when a scifi story does not employ "magic gravity" for convenience, but actually puts its characters thru zero gravity and its difficulties :)
Also, all those little side infos like the suction tube, corridor walls packed with easy to access equipment like a real space station, no showers, no up/down and utilizing all walls in an cubic/rectangle room, it makes it a lot easier to imagine the rest of your world. Before this ive pictured their world as some hybrid between many generic scifi settings and canon FiM, but now with those descriptions my imagination shifts towards Babylon 5's EA, The Expanse, Independence War (The Games), Event Horizon and Elite, so a much more down to earth not-so-fancy-tech feel.
I can only say it again: I love it
8347944
Would you believe that I'm not familiar with any of these? In fact, I simply used three hours watching tours through the ISS on youtube. I will freely admit as well that I have much more details in mind for places that aren't in Equestria. And yeah, WHY DOES most every sci-fi setting use artificial gravity? It'd be so useful. And comedically exploitable.
8348244
Heresy!
Joke aside, it doesnt suprise me to be honest, even though The Expanse is currently the most popular airing space opera series, it somehow fell under the radar in germany due to being aired only on the Syfy channel and Netflix. And the other ones, they are all pretty old already, except Elite Dangerous.
The Expanse (2015 - on going)
Its a pretty high value production based on a very good book series, which was not only priced for its main story but also its extensive worldbuilding, love for detail, semi-realistic take on mankinds future in space, and unique visuals. An example is the ships, imagine a skyscraper with an engine at the bottom, the whole travel they accelerate at 1G, and midpoint they turn 180° and deaccelerate at 1G, that and the ships vertical construction creates 1G artifical gravity, but other than that, zero-g, or being nearly turned to mush in high-g combat manauevers.
Its hard to not spoiler it, so ill only say: If you like Scifi, Semi-Realistic Space flight, refreshing concepts, then go watch it, you wont be disappointed.
Babylon 5 (1993 - 1998)
Babylon 5 was one of Star Treks bigger rivals, but due to its overall more harsh and dangerous take on space, and its lacking funds, it never quiet reached the same wide spread audience. But today its considered one of the gems of scifi, the whole series is very diverse, comes with loveable characters and a great cast, and doesnt mind going down the funny route from time to time. Sadly the first season was done on a rather low budget, so its doesnt do the other 4 seasons quality justice, that leads to many people not watching beyond 2-3 episodes of the first season. If you dont mind old stuff, give it a try, is one of my favorites to this day :)
I-War/I-War 2: Edge of Chaos (1997/2001)
In a time of every other space game being jet fighters in space, this one took a unique take on space sims with putting you in command of a 180m big corvette with a full newtonian flight model, a brutal vision of the future, and game changing concepts such as induvidually damagable ship parts. For example, an impact did more that just lower your "health bar", depending on were it hits you numerous systems can be damage or destroyed, many times i did get some of my manauevering thrusters shoot to hell, or once i lost my frontal cannon, man was that crazy fights when you suddenly loose the ability to pull your nose down etc, or have to keep your enemies behind you because only your aft weapon still works.
Event Horizon (1997)
Well its a scifi horror movie, its pretty good at being that and gave many children nightmares for weeks. Other than that, its grim take on space flight and ship designs were very memorable and influenced many authors.
Elite: Dangerous (2014)
Currently one of the most popular space sims. It earned a big reputation for employing multiple scientists as advisors to create a semi realistic vision, newtonian flight models, and having the biggest ingame galaxy to explore up to this date. It keeps improving with each update, but many players stay away from it as the game expects you to "occupy oneself", it doesnt take your hand as says "go do that", it just provides you with the tools neccesary to do whatever you want, sadly many players apparently need the holding hands and cant decide for themselfs as to what to do :/
So yeah, maybe this wall of text peaked your interest in one of those gems
8348459
would you believe that Doctor Who is virtually unknown in germany and I only found it with the Doctor Whooves and Assistant radio play?
8348488
Yeah... our TV programs are a bit retarded if you ask me, tons of retarded reality shows and reruns of sitcoms, wanna watch something good for a change? Be ready to pay for Netflix, or buy DVD/BRs
So no wonder that many great shows are nearly unknown in germany.
How does this not have more views? Or likes?
8349376
I assume because of the dark and sci-fi tags.
Or maybe my reader-slaves haven't promoted me enough
*cracks whip*
In case you couldn't tell, I am absolutely serious. yes. for realsies, no kidding, definitely
Although, while I'm glad to hear that you enjoy it, what I need is some feedback. is there a character or plotline that bugged you a little? (whistle doesnt count, you're supposed to dislike him)
Got another chapter down! Interesting to see the strained relationship between Twilight and Shetty, though I feel like this Twinkle character is a bit out of place. Why is she a normal pony and the queen of the changelings when Ciloa, Shetty's roommate, is an actual changeling. Just strikes me as a bit odd. Still, the characters and dialogue work, and I look forward to seeing how Shetty's candidacy goes in the next chapter or two.
Minor note:
Mixed feelings about this play on words. A nag of course just means any old or worn-out horse, so it applies to Whistle White. However, it has the connotation of incessantly bothering someone by complaining or criticizing, and it's almost exclusively used for women, so I was momentarily confused. It's not a bad little "horse" joke, but it still gave me pause.
8356420
Twinkle is a unicorn for two reasons:
Number one, it shows that changelings are truly part of the nation of Equestria, not just an ally, but that they merged into one to the point that a non-changeling can inhabit the title of changeling queen.
Number two, she's a character of my proofreader and I do wanna put in references to him when I see an opportunity. If I didn't think making the queen a unicorn made sense, it would have been a completely different character.
I didn't know "nag" was a horse joke, I just thought it meant old person. I'll ask my proofreader about that, finding a better word is beyond my vocabulary
When Twilight hears about this...
Damn, i was hoping this would not take the same road as the first version did, even if i did enjoy the first version of your story.
That aside, from what i remember this feels improved by a long shoot, although shortened. Now im on the fritz, on one aspect im hoping that this feeling of it being shorter means there will be more after this compared to the first version, but at the same time its sad to think that those well made characters bite the dust anywere but at the end of a story.
Hrm, im intrigued as to what you have in store for us, well done!
8362170
oooh, you read the first one!
I'm planning a sequel, but I can't give you an estimate how long that will take... I'm still planning and in two weeks I'll have actual work, that'll take some time to get used to
Wow, you just killed off most of the cast. Things aren't going to be all sunshine and rainbow anymore. Twilight is just going to love this when she hears about this.
8362894
I'm glad you like it. I presume. But I want to ask of everyone to put things like character deaths behind a spoiler bar in their comments
Edit: Thank you
8363083
No problem, also from reading this I've been getting a Mass Effect feel for this story. Also personal opinion, I didn't know or realize Shetland was an earth pony till she was in space, or what she fully looked like to be exact till I had to read the first chapter again to see if I missed something. I did miss it, lol.
8363132
well, guess what, Shetland is the best pony pun I could come up with for Shepard. Although their stories will differ drastically
8363135
I think I might have an idea of what you plan on doing next so I'll keep my opinion to myself till then.
8363142
please share it in a private message, I'm dying to know what people think is gonna happen
What do you mean the finale? Final for this arc or story it's self?
8364291
the story. I only have one more chapter
the whole thing from the time she left earth felt to set up i feel that this was either a dream or simulated vr training probably wrong but its what i think
8377909
It isn't. I don't do backsies
I'm not fond of ending it here. It feels too much like a cliffhanger to me. Maybe a debriefing, or her waking in the hospital. Not necessarily the ending of the original version, but something to make everything a little more wrapped up.
YAY THERE IS MOAR!!! BUT STILL NEED MOAR!!!!!
8379695
Sorry, that was the last chapter I have written out, for real this time. There WILL be a sequel eventually, but... don't expect it this month. or the next.
NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU it cant be the end!!!!!!!!
8379701
Sorry, but this year I haven't had any real life to worry about, but next week I'll start an apprenticeship, so that will slow me down.
and I'm super slow to begin with, the only reason I could update weekly is because I wrote out half the story before posting the first chapter and I want to do the same with the sequel, hence a definitely long wait.
Fortunately, that gives you, my dear readers, plenty of time to type out the opinions and feedback I desperately want to hear!
*fixates you with a cold glare* do it...
8379703
really great story. suspense was amazing. stratagy was great
8379708
thats certainly nice to hear ^^
are there any parts you did not like or think I could have done better or felt awkward?
8379709
i honestly dont have any complaints. usually my biggest complaints are spelling and grammar
8379714
alright, last question... did you believe for a moment that I would let Shetland die?